She Survived Several Attempts of Suicide… You Don’t Have to End It, There is Hope

I just read this post on a whatsapp group I belong to. It is the personal testimony of Njideka Athalia Adrika. I am still speechless and really moved about what she had been through. You need to read her story… Don’t give in to that suicidal thought! I know life can be hard and tough and you have been through a lot. But YOU ARE IMPORTANT & THERE IS HOPE OF A GREATER FUTURE.

Photo credit - cupofjo. com

Njideka’s Story

WORTHY!

I ingested 120 aspirin when I was 14 because I wanted out. I laid in bed that night waiting for death. What I experienced was a floating sensation as if my body was hovering above me. There was a continuous ringing in my ears and ten thousand drummers banging in my head. I was sleeping but wasn’t asleep; slipping in and out of consciousness. I was glad I have finally ended it…

My mother woke me up the next morning to get ready for school, I was heart broken that I was still alive. I couldn’t eat breakfast that morning, my belly felt shallow and empty, but no one asked me why I wasn’t eating.

As I stood at the Assembly ground, a wave of dizziness overcame me, I started throwing up foamy white liquid. The last thing I heard were screams and commotions.

When I finally came to in the hospital, the doctor questioned mother who smirked and said I was a drama queen.

My mother didn’t ask me why I did such a silly thing. She was only mad that I gave people reasons to talk about us.

I did it again at 18. This time I was wiser. I made sure that I had everything properly planned. No need for a note, they already knew why.
I increased the dosage of the aspirin to 300. I dissolved it in a drink and gulped it down. Then, I started throwing up. The maid heard. Screams.
I woke up in the hospital. But I shut my eyes, willing myself to die. The longer they believe I’m still unconscious, the chances the doctor will keep topping the medication to wake me up, then, it will be too much for me system, I will go.

Beep … beep…beep… what is that sound? It is distracting my dying process. I opened my eyes. The doctor asked why I did it? My mother said I was seeking attention.

I was kept overnight for observation. The hospital psychiatrist came to see me. He wanted to know my motive. “Your life is not yours to take” he said. He asked thousand and one questions but I didn’t utter a word. He was booking another appointment to see me when my mother busted into the room and raised hell.

She threatened to sue the hospital, they had no right to traumatize me the more (like she cared), she was so mad that the veins on her forehead and neck was popping out. She wanted to find out everything I had said in her absence. When she was assured, I didn’t utter a word, she took the doctor’s notes and erased our records from that hospital. We never used the same hospital twice for medical ‘emergencies’.

On our way home, my mother shifted all her frustration on me. I was slapped, pushed, shoved and verbally abused. She called me terrible names and reminded me of how my stupid stunts were attracting unnecessary attention to us. Not once did she ask my reasons, my motives, my triggers… She knows.

My mother – Eberechukwu Adirika nee Ofodili had a tough childhood. Her father was a village policeman with no atom of integrity. He was a criminal with uniform. He was a hired hand for whomever needed police protection, the shadier your business the better. He had three wives and thirteen children and never bothered about any of them. My mother was the fifth child of her father and the first of her mother. Her mother made sure she had primary and secondary education. Before, her father could pimp her out to one of his associates, with the help of her mother she ran to Awka and never returned.
When she got to the state capital, she did odd jobs to survive. She won’t tell us what the jobs were, but it was in one of those jobs she met my father – Chris Ozoemena Adrika.
An undergraduate from a wealthy family.

He helped my mother secure an accommodation, started a restaurant for her, and in turn she took care of his ‘supplies’. Though the ‘supplies’ came later when my mother was solely dependent on my father. He had her where he wanted. In other words, she ran from a brute of a father and ended up with worse for a husband.

At 22, I drank 75cl of kerosene, but death eluded me. I did a thorough research. People died through this method. I didn’t. I was once again taken to the hospital. Stomach pumped, doctors wondered why, mother waved them off. The only difference is that this time my father told me that he is the only one that will decide when I die.

I gained admission into a university in the South – South, I was overjoyed. Freedom!
My hopes were dashed. My father got me into a private Uni at Nkpor, a few kilometers from Onitsha and assigned a driver and car to me.
I have never slept outside my father’s house, apart from my nights in hospitals. My life was already drawn and mapped out for me from birth.

My mates envied me. They think I’m a snob. They had no idea. I’m not allowed to make friends so that I won’t mistakenly get emotional and divulge the family secret. My driver is also my parents’ spy. Every movement I made is reported verbatim. I have no life. I am so depressed. My daily thoughts centers around taking my life yet I’m envied by many.

I was never one to have hope or faith. I was never one to think it will get better. I’m never one to think there will be a way out that is not death. I couldn’t attempt again because I was never alone. My parents made sure of that. I was watched 24/7. I had no privacy. But I needed to die.

After 7 years I met him again. The psychiatrist. He remembered me and my mother’s outburst. He was a medical student when we met years ago. He wanted my phone number. I told him I didn’t own a phone. He asked me out on a date I told him I couldn’t. “Why” he asked. “Too complicated “I said. “I want to be your friend, boyfriend, whatever you are comfortable with” he pressed on. He was running a Masters program and started coming into my lecture room, sitting close to me and we would talk about everything except the “reason”.

He invited me to church programs but I turned him down. So, he started giving me books to read, articles and my first Bible. He never pushed me to tell him my story but always ends our meetings with a prayer; “Father Lord we thank you for yet another day. Thank you for your daughter. You have already started a good thing in her life, and we are confident you will bring it to an expected end. In Jesus name we pray, Amen “.

How will I explain my breakthrough. I don’t know the word to use but maybe just maybe Sylvester’s prayer is working (Yes. That’s his name: Doctor Sylvester Ifediba).

I decided to read the Bible and ask God to speak to me through the Bible, since he has refused to take my life. If he wants me to live, he should give me a purpose. Sly said that the answer to all my questions lies in the bible.

I flipped the pages and ended up in first John, chapter four. I was marveled. God loves me even though my life is so messed up!

1 John 4:9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

1 John 4:10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

1 John 4:15 Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God.

I couldn’t believe what I was reading. God loves me. His love is for me. I needed assurance. I needed more explanation. I asked God to show me more:
I turned my bible to Corinthians;

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

2 Corinthians 5:18 And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;

My hand had a mind of its own, I kept opening scriptures and reading: John 3: 3; 16, Romans 3:23, 5:8, 6:23, etc.

I couldn’t sleep that night, I cried, I read, I pleaded to God to renew my life. At a point, I think my parents came into my room, but I didn’t care. I needed what I was reading in the Bible; Peace. I surrendered my life to Christ that night in my room, where so many evil deeds have been committed. I felt a heavy burden lifted off my life. I felt renewed, I had Peace and finally I was free.

I couldn’t wait to talk to Sly. At school the next day, not caring about my parent’s surveillance, I took him to a quiet corner told him of my experience last night, he hugged me and said a thankful prayer to God. Then, I told him my story.

My name is Njideka Athalia Adrika. The last child and only girl of Chief & Mrs. Chris Adrika. I have 4 older brothers who I was never close to. By the time I was old enough to play with them they were already in boarding schools. We never had relationship till date.

Naturally, I was close to my father. When I was around 3 years old, my nanny then asked me a simple question: have anyone being putting their finger in your pee – pee because I always flinch in pain when she is bathing me. I said yes. “Who” she asked. “Daddy” I answered excitedly. She told my mother and she lost her job (or her life, who knows).

My mother sat me down that day and told me that I shouldn’t tell anyone how much my father loves me, that is how father’s show love to their daughters.

I found out years later that the girls in my class didn’t receive such love from their fathers. My father was an animal and my mother aided him to keep her place in the society.

My mother took me to my first and numerous abortions. When I was not ‘available’, my mother ‘supplied’ my father with young girls. I was a sex toy for my father and my mother made sure I was well polished and shiny for his use. I tried taking my life several times because it was not worth living.

By the time I ended my story, Sly was weeping. He followed me home that day and asked my father to release me to him or he’ll expose him. My father of course threatened him with death. Sly said and I quote; “The story is in the pipeline, any day I go missing, it hits social media and all news agencies “.

I think about that sometimes and am thankful and glad I didn’t t die.

I am 58 years old today, a wife, a mother and have had a wonderful life, one I wouldn’t have otherwise had.
I can’t stress how important it is to seek a good friend, a pastor, or professional help if the feelings of suicide or depression overtake you.

I attempted suicide several times because I believed I wasn’t worth anything. Death was my only way out.
Thank God for salvation; for forgiveness; for my faith in Him. For making me a vessel unto honour.

I am Worthy.
#Asurvivor
#saynotosuicide.

Adebisi Adetunji –  Broadcast Journalist, Media content provider, Trainer & consultant-@debisibusybeemedia, Behavioral Change Radio Drama, Communication4Development, Social Media Influencer, Controller Programs (FRCN) Founder Beehyve Empowerment and Development Initiative. Catch me on Twitter – @DebisiBusybee, Facebook & email – bisimodupe1975@gmail.c

WD2019 Official Opening Press Conference Press Release – Investing in girls and women will deliver progress for all.

World’s Largest Conference on Gender Equality Opens in Vancouver with a
Call to Redefine Power at Every Level

Heads of state from four nations sat side-by-side young leaders and grassroots advocates as delegates from more than 165 countries kicked off the Women Deliver 2019 Conference

(Vancouver, Canada) – The Women Deliver 2019 Conference, the world’s largest conference on gender equality and the health, rights, and wellbeing of girls and women, kicked off on the 3rd of June with more than 8,000 world leaders, influencers, advocates, academics, activists, and journalists gathered in Vancouver, and more than 100,000 participating in a global dialogue around the world through satellite events and WDLive, the virtual conference. 1,400 youth delegates from 139 countries are expected to attend the Women Deliver 2019 Conference, where every plenary program and most concurrents feature a young person.

The conference will focus on power, and how it can drive – or hinder – progress and change; and how societies must redefine the concept of ‘power’ and use it as a force for good.

The conference will examine power operating at three levels:
The Individual’s Power – The Women Deliver 2019 Conference will examine girls’ and women’s individual power, self-esteem and agency. And how to strengthen that power.
Structural power – The Women Deliver 2019 Conference will explore and challenge systems, barriers, and opportunities for progress in power relations, including political, economic, and social structures.

The Power of Movements – The Women Deliver 2019 Conference will dive into the power of movements, and how we can shape critical consciousness and marshal collective action for change.
While the Women Deliver 2019 Conference and global dialogue will place a special emphasis on power, the conference will offer solutions to fill the gap on a vast array of issues crucial to gender equality: economic empowerment, women and the environment, nutrition, education, political participation, preventing gender-based violence, health, including sexual and reproductive health and rights, human rights, and much more.

“The Women Deliver 2019 Conference is much more than a conference, it is one important step on the march towards gender equality,” said Katja Iversen, Women Deliver President/CEO at the opening press conference. “We all have power to contribute to a more gender equal world. If we use our individual and collective power – boldly, smartly and collaboratively — progress will follow.”

“The Women Deliver conference will be a truly historic week. I look forward to joining many grassroots leaders and advocates who have dedicated their lives to defending and advancing women’s rights. We know we can’t take our foot off the pedal, not even for a moment. I’ll be at the conference to show Canada’s leadership on gender equality isn’t going anywhere, and that we’re not just speaking up, but stepping up too.”

The conference will take place from 3-6 June 2019 at the Vancouver Convention Center. Additional key speakers include:
Tarana Burke, founder of the ‘me too’ movement
Winnie Byanyima, Executive Director, Oxfam International
Farwiza Farhan, Leader, Forest, Nature, and Environment Aceh
Henrietta H Fore, Executive Director, UNICEF
Ken Frazier, Chairman of the Board & CEO, Merck + Co., Inc.
Melinda Gates, Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation
Waneek Horn-Miller, Indigenous Olympian
Hina Jilani, Supreme Court of Pakistan
Alan Jope, CEO, Unilever
Natalia Kanem, Executive Director, UNFPA
Angélique Kidjo, Grammy Award winning singer
Her Royal Highness Crown Princess Mary of Denmark, Deliver for Good Influencer, Women Deliver
Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuko, Executive Director, UN Women
Osvaldo Rudloff, Executive Director, OLACEFS (Latin American and Caribbean Organisation of Supreme Audit Institutions)
Ailbhe Smyth, Co-Director, Together for Yes
Theo Sowa, CEO, African Women’s Development Fund
Maysoon Zayid, Actress, Comedian, Writer and Disability Advocate

The conference has sparked a global dialogue around the world through satellite events and virtual participation. To date, more than 186 events on six continents have registered as satellite events, estimated to reach more than 82,000 people.

Canada has especially seen a strong effort to mobilize community engagement around the conference through the Women Deliver Mobilization Canada campaign. With events in every region and most provinces and territories, thousands of Canadians have joined together over the past year to advance the conversation on gender equality.

Anyone can tune into the conference for free through the virtual conference, WDLive, which will be streaming from 3-6 June 2019 on wd2019.org.

About Women Deliver. Women Deliver is a leading global advocate that champions gender equality and the health and rights of girls and women.

Our advocacy drives investment – political and financial – in the lives of girls and women worldwide. We harness evidence and unite diverse voices to spark commitment to gender equality. And we get results.

Anchored in sexual and reproductive health, we advocate for the rights of girls and women across every aspect of their lives.

We know that investing in girls and women will deliver progress for all.

And every three years, we galvanize momentum at the global Women Deliver Conference – our signature event. It’s a bold and diverse gathering, a fueling station of ideas, and generator of action, convening thousands of decision-makers from civil society, governments, the private sector, and international agencies alongside advocates, activists, and journalists to identify solutions and drive change for girls and women.

Media Contacts :
Women Deliver : Bijoyeta Das, bdas@womendeliver.org, 617-953-0755

Copyright © 2019 Women Deliver

Adebisi Adetunji –  Broadcast Journalist, Media content provider, Trainer & consultant-@debisibusybeemedia, Behavioral Change Radio Drama, Communication4Development, Social Media Influencer, Controller Programs (FRCN) Founder Beehyve Empowerment and Development Initiative. Catch me on Twitter – @DebisiBusybee, Facebook & email – bisimodupe1975@gmail.c

Welcoming You to the Month of June! Go For your Goals!

My day has been busy but I definitely must share this #MondayMotivation with you my dear friends, followers and readers. You make me want to keep blogging.

Here is wishing you an energetic and fulfilling JUNE! A few words to just to say,  Go For your Goals, What are you waiting for?!  👇

May the month of June bring your way pleasant surprises. ❤️❤️

Adebisi Adetunji (C) Broadcast Journalist, Media content provider, Trainer & consultant-@debisibusybeemedia, Behavioral Change Radio Drama, Communication4Development, Social Media Influencer, Controller Programs (FRCN) Founder Beehyve Empowerment and Development Initiative. Catch me on Twitter – @DebisiBusybee, Facebook & email – bisimodupe1975@gmail.c

Self Development – #MondayMotivation

Do you want to change levels? Do you want to be ready when new opportunities come knocking? Then Take Charge of your own #SelfDevelopment.

I am hoping to bring value to people who may benefit from my skills, knowledge and experience. Hence I plan on starting an online course to enable me help others become better equipped and ready to be a better version of themselves.

WHICH OF THESE SUBJECTS WOULD YOU LIKE TO LEARN ONLINE :
A) Self branding online
B) Starting a blog
C) Designing Effective and Creative Media Contents
D) From Script to Production – Radio Drama
E) How to care for your Elderly parents without stress. 

F) Discovering Yourself as a Woman

Please identify which of the above you would love to learn in the comment box below. Feel free to mention any other subject you are curious about apart from the ones specified above.  Have a beautiful day!

Adebisi Adetunji (C) Broadcast Journalist, Media content provider, Trainer & consultant-@debisibusybeemedia, Behavioral Change Radio Drama, Communication4Development, Social Media Influencer, Controller Programs (FRCN) Founder Beehyve Empowerment and Development Initiative. Catch me on Twitter – @DebisiBusybee, Facebook & email – bisimodupe1975@gmail.c

#MondayMotivation Think Outside the Box

Don’t get stuck in the old ways of doing things that never get you the desired result, and yet you want a change!

Get inspired to do things differently in order to get a great result as you step out this week.

Adebisi Adetunji (C) Broadcast Journalist, Media content provider, Trainer & consultant-@debisibusybeemedia, Behavioral Change Radio Drama, Communication4Development, Social Media Influencer, Controller Programs (FRCN) Founder Beehyve Empowerment and Development Initiative. Catch me on Twitter – @DebisiBusybee, Facebook & email – bisimodupe1975@gmail.c

FORCE-FEEDING BABIES A DANGEROUS PRACTICE

Photo Credit – Motherhoodinstyle.com

Parents love their babies and want to see the newborn grow as is expected. Thank God for the campaign of exclusive breastfeeding of children for up to six months which has made many mothers to at least wait and push up to 4 months before introducing regular foods. According to the Child Rights Act, every child has a right to adequate nutrition however feeding should not constitute a danger to a child.

In developing countries and in Nigeria where I come from, it is the practice to try to force food down food especially pap (corn or cereal pudding) or any other liquid meal down the throat of a baby who is perceived to have a low appetite. It is done in the bid to ensure that the child is not starving and gets the required nutrient for his/her development. This is a good intention but the act of force-feeding has led to fatal incidences where food enters into the trachea/lungs and air flow is blocked. Such a baby begins to choke and gasp for breath if he/she does not get quick medical attention; it has led to the death of such an infant.

A case in point, my sister-in-law on the 2nd of May 2019, dropped her baby at the crèche of the school where she worked as a teacher as usual and looked forward to seeing her little girl later in the day but it was not to be so. A distress call came too late after the nanny at the school crèche had forced fed little, Mojolajesu, my sister-in-law’s 10 months old baby. I was at working when I got the news that the baby had been rushed on emergency to two different hospitals. Mojolajesu did not make it. The doctors diagnosed the cause of death to be as a result of food getting into her trachea. Her parents were devastated; we are all very broken hearted.

And so here I am writing this post and possibly championing a little campaign both on the traditional and social media urging everyone and disabusing minds about the practice of force-feeding babies. Since this personal incidence with my Mojolajesu, I have heard countless stories of babies who choked and almost died while been force-fed and some others were not so lucky. Also in this month of May 2019, a nanny was sentenced to 15years jail time because she force-fed a baby who also died. 

How Force-feeding is done

If you are not familiar with what this practice means and how it is done, let me try to paint a picture. When a grandma, nanny or anyone wants to force feed a baby, he/she will be held tightly and closely to control any struggle or resistance from the child.

Next, a hand will be cupped around the baby/child’s mouth then his or her nose will be blocked with a finger or so to prevent the liquid from getting into the nostrils and force the baby to breathe through the mouth. After that, the pap or cereal pudding will be poured into the cupped hand as the baby’s mouth is forced to be opened. I have watched scenes like this while growing up; it is not a pleasant sight. Such a baby will be crying and fighting to get free and the food will be sliding down his or her throat as the baby struggles and gasp for air. THIS SHOULD NOT BE! IT IS AN ABUSE AND MUST STOP!

Some children naturally have a good appetite and eat well, however, it is not so with some other children. The first daughter of my sister fell into this category; as a growing child, she didn’t eat much and her mum and dad were so worried. So this little girl only wanted to take tea and biscuits, therefore, she was thin. Loads of advice came in from other mothers, friends and the older ones on steps to take to ensure that my niece improves on her eating habit. Vitamins to boost her appetite were also used but this little girl won’t just budge. My niece would refuse any other food or take the barest minimum. Now she is older and the other day I visited their home and my ears were filled with a gist about how she now has a big appetite for food! It was sure nice to see this change in her. One thing I appreciated about my sister was that she did not allow anyone to bully or force her baby to eat. She would pet her little girl and go the extra mile to prepare different meals, testing which ones her daughter took a liking to. All that entire time the little girl only needed someone to be patient with her and soon her eating habits changed.

Think of it this way, would you as an adult want someone to force food down your throat just because you do not have the appetite for food at a certain time? I am sure it is a firm NO…NO for you. So then we should not force food down the throat of our babies, children no matter how good the intentions are. It is harmful and dangerous!

As a Mother ensure the safety of your baby/child. Do not allow anyone to force feed him or her!

A pediatrician Ms. Okietmute Olibamoyo from the College of Medicine, Lagos University in an interview with News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) advised mothers to stop the habit of force-feeding their babies to avoid accidental suffocation. She advised mothers to change their pattern of preparing their baby/child’s food if the baby is not eating well.

Adebisi Adetunji (C) Broadcast Journalist, Media content provider, Trainer & consultant-@debisibusybeemedia, Behavioral Change Radio Drama, Communication4Development, Social Media Influencer, Controller Programs (FRCN) Founder Beehyve Empowerment and Development Initiative. Catch me on Twitter – @DebisiBusybee, Facebook & email – bisimodupe1975@gmail.com

What?! Physically Assaulting A Pregnant Woman?!

Photo Credit: Hellobeautiful.com

Some days ago I listened to the horrifying story of an eight months old pregnant woman who was killed by her husband! My mind could not simply process the senseless act of this man who killed his unborn child and wife. So tempers flared up during an argument or misunderstanding between the couple and the man gives her a fatal punch that led to bleeding. He refuses to take her for treatment in the hospital for whatever reason, maybe in ignorance. How does one even begin to explain and excuse such a behavior?

My Take on this matter:

I believe that this man has probably been physically abusing his wife for a while now. This is why he thought that like other times, he could hit and get away with it. Unfortunately, it ended badly! Thankfully he has been arrested and hopefully, justice will be served.

If you are a woman who has found yourself in an abusive relationship, do not keep explaining the actions of the man away and making excuses for him, GET OUT! It is unacceptable and dangerous behavior. Many ladies still courting a man think that they can change his bad behavior, sorry dear, it doesn’t work that way. People do not change that easily except they want to, it takes more than your loving efforts. Worse still you are putting your life on the line. So if you are still just in the dating stage of your relationship and you notice signs of violence in your partner such as a violent push; a slap, smashing of things when he is angry, then BREAK THAT RELATIONSHIP NOW! It is only going to get worse when he marries you.

And if you have already made a commitment of marriage and your spouse/partner is abusive, get help! Get family, counselor, your pastor or spiritual leader or anyone you trust involved. Do not keep quiet about the matter; this is not the time to follow that advice usually ingrained in the hearts of couples during wedding ceremonies, “Do not let a third party into your marriage”. The idea is to handle your business and conflicts without bringing in others who might escalate the conflict. Hmmmn…Abuse is a matter not to be handled in this manner, SPEAK UP and GET HELP.

Our Role as Family Members, Neighbors, and Friends

It is true that we would want the marriages of our loved ones and acquaintance to last, however, if someone comes to you with a recurring physical abuse then do not tell them to stay in there and weather the storm. This storm may end drowning such a person. Point such a person in the direction of where they can get help. As a neighbor report, any abuse going on in your neighborhood. It is not “poke nosing”; it is saving a life and you can do it discreetly if you do not want those concerned to know. Once my brother reported a neighbor who always beat his wife and the police came and arrested him. Thankfully also the young woman’s family also came in to take their sister and daughter.

A family friend also narrated how he had to wrestle his abusive neighbor to the ground, giving him a few punches to teach him a lesson. That was how the young man realized that he was hurting his wife and stopped his abusive actions. So you cannot afford to mind your business when it comes to physical abuse in your neighborhood. Think of it this way, if you were the one been hurt, would you want someone to step in to help you? I am sure you would.

Back to the Pregnant Woman issue

A pregnant woman is in a very delicate position while still carrying a baby. Pushing, slapping, harassing her is endangering two lives! This should never have to happen. If you are a man who is short-tempered, when your woman upsets you and you cannot control your feelings, please pick up your shirt and go somewhere else to cool off instead of doing what you will regret later.

Life is a gift; no one has the right to snuff that life out! Help protect mums and their unborn babies.

Adebisi Adetunji (C) Broadcast Journalist, Media content provider, Trainer & consultant-@debisibusybeemedia, Behavioral Change Radio Drama, Communication4Development, Social Media Influencer, Controller Programs (FRCN) Founder Beehyve Empowerment and Development Initiative. Catch me on Twitter – @DebisiBusybee, Facebook & email – bisimodupe1975@gmail.com