Yaayi 🙌🌹 Meghan marries Prince Charles… Congratulations!!

Just photos from  watching the wedding on CNN live from across the continent… History is made… 😀😘 Femininematerz Happy for the new couple… CONGRATULATIONS!!

You may kiss the bride 😘

 

Chariot ride to greet the excited crowd
Harry and Meghan stepping out of the chapel after the wedding
The Queen, Prince Charles and other royal house members in front of the chapel
Megan’s mum… Must be a happy day and emotional one for her too.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

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Feminism: What It is; What It isn’t #Opinion

Credits: Alamy Photo Stock

I am writing this post in response to a number of misunderstandings I see in discussions about Feminism. There are arguments for and against this subject matter and I sense a lot of anger versus misconception. I will try to clear the air a bit in my discussion here.

Now note, you may not agree with all the points I will make here but it promises to be interesting, down to earth and straight from my heart. So please indulge me as I take you true “the blue waters of the world of feminism”.

My definition: “Feminism” is all about celebrating womanhood. It is a movement to give girls and women a voice where they have been relegated to the background. Feminism is empowering the female gender with opportunities and skills required for her to achieve her purpose and dreams. It is fighting for the rights of women and girls. So first of all as a woman you should revel in your gender, it is who you are by the creator’s design.

In recent times the line has become blurry and feminism has become something men feel it is all about losing control and therefore they resist almost in fear or should I say bitterness. On the other hand, some ladies use the movement of feminism as a tool to raise false alarm where it is not necessary or as means to witch hunt a man in their black books.

I believe in having a balanced view of the issue of feminism. It should not be about having a world without men simply because some of the male genders hurt women or because society tends to be a patriarchal one. Come on we all have fathers, brothers, husbands, sons and even male friends who are good people. Society will lose its balance should it try to operate with only one of the genders.

Also some weeks ago the social media was agog with a backlash against a renowned Nigerian writer, Chimamanda Adiche because she challenged Hillary Clinton about why she started her Twitter profile page with the word “wife” instead of “mother” first. The argument was that her husband Bill Clinton didn’t even have the title “a husband” as an identity on his twitter page. As much as Chimamanda’s argument is valid I feel it brings up a core understanding of what feminism might mean to this dear lady that I hold in high esteem. It sounded like there was something wrong with Hillary wanting to be identified as a “wife”, on her twitter page. Interestingly I hear Madam Hillary Clinton did change that identity on her twitter page.😊

My Take on this: If a woman chose to be identified as a wife in her profile, seriously it is her right and prerogative. Is Chimamanda trying to make Hillary think less of her husband or not hold dear her family or role as a wife just to show that she is a feminist who must prove a point to her husband and society?  I don’t know, she has a right to her own opinion on the issue.

When it comes to family life we must as women recognize the role each partner has to play in the relationship and respect and love each other. If you are a Chief Executive Director in your office or organization don’t go backing orders at home to your husband! You are courting problems because one of the men’s needs is the need for respect, especially in a marriage setting. So please, by all means, write whatever you wish to be identified as in your profile and don’t let anyone bully you into his or her mold of thinking.

Some Men’s Perspective On the other hand: I have a friend on one of my social media platforms who seems to have drawn a battle line against every female in my opinion and not just us feminists. He practically attacks women and even uses words that I find insulting. I am wondering whether he is married or intends to get married. Looks like someone broke his heart and he hasn’t forgiven whoever that is and every other woman gets the backlash. I also sense that the way some of us feminist brand the flag of fighting the rights of women sounds like men are actually now our enemies. So now on the two side of the divide instead of bridging the gap we are widening it by our actions and misconceptions.

Here is my Take on what Feminism Is and Isn’t

What Feminism Is:

  • It is allowing girls to mature biologically and ensuring that she is given an opportunity to acquire the skills for a meaningful and profitable life before marrying her off. So “Child Marriage or Adolescent marriage” is an act that steals the future and life of a girl.
  • It is giving equal rights to boys and girls to get an education
  • The voice of feminism argues that equal opportunities should be given to boys and girls; men and women to flourish and become all they ever dreamed of. What this means is that If men are going to space a woman should also have the same opportunity to fly to space as long as she is got what it takes. When men are in a leadership position and a woman is got the same skills then she shouldn’t be denied stepping into that position simply because she is a woman.
  • Men and women on the same job should earn equal pay, there should be no discrimination based on gender bases.
  • Feminism promotes the well-being of girls and women and speaks against all forms of cultural, traditional and religious beliefs that cause harm to the female gender. These include issues like the right to own property and land; the right to work even though she is a wife; reproductive health rights ( Ending discriminatory and harmful practices like female genital mutilation);
  • Feminism drives and speaks for social justice

Now to what Feminism is not:

  • It is not a war with men; as women, we have fathers, brothers, husbands, and sons.
  • Feminism is not a tool of blackmail against any male a woman wishes to take advantage of.
  • It is not a flag women wave every time we want to have our way.
  • Feminism is not an excuse to not acquiring the necessary skills required to occupy a leadership position. You have got to work for it and be better than the men even so that any male chauvinist in the room will have no choice but to respect your skills and guts.
  • Feminism is not a magic wand in a marriage relationship. Be careful how you use this in a marriage situation. Except in a situation where abuse is the other of the day then a woman can speak up and say no to the injustice and harm.

As we say in debate clubs in my secondary school days: “I hope I have been able to convince and not confuse you with my arguments”. 😀Hey …I am only saying we should take things easy; we need each other. Let us all reach out across the table and try to understand one another as men and women and work together!

Adebisi Adetunji (C) Founder Beehyve Empowerment and Development Initiative. Media content provider, Trainer & consultant, Behavioral Change Radio Drama, Communication4Development, Social Media Influencer
Catch me on Twitter @DebisiBusybee
Facebook & email – bisimodupe1975@gmail.com

Woman To Woman Talk #29 – One Moment of Insanity…Handle Yourself, It is Costly!

Mr & Mrs Odibi on their wedding day

In the past week news about the murder of a 50year old man named Mr. Otike Odibi lingered in my heart. His wife, Udeme Odibi, killed him, stabbing him several times and even severing his genitals. Forgive this disturbing description. I cannot seem to wrap my head around this?!!

Why would a woman do this to her husband; someone she loves?! Don’t give me that line about him violating or physically abusing her and therefore her actions were carried out in defense. This is simply unacceptable and inhumane!

No one whether man or woman should have to be a victim of gender-based violence or domestic violence.

I actually followed the story and there are different versions of the incidence which I will like to mention for the purpose of this post. An earlier report when the news of the incidence broke siad that, the couple had an argument about Mr. Otike Odibi ‘s Will. He had made his only daughter from an earlier marriage the beneficiary of his Will and the new wife Udeme won’t have it that way.

The latest update on the story according to police investigation revealed that the couple had issues bordering on infidelity. Udeme complained about her husband having extramarital affairs to family members on the day the unfortunate incidence happened. It was a pre-meditated murder!
Writing about this makes me really sad. I want to challenge our mindsets as women. This story is one out of other couples stories of women who beat, harm or killed their husbands. Have we become as mean and heartless as women?

If a man is cheating on you…Leave if you cannot find a way to stop the circle.

If a man is physically assaulting you…you have the option of leaving instead of allowing someone to bring the animal in you out to the fore.

If it is money issue and the desire to secure a better financial standing, please who says you have to be dependent on your husband. Work, save and invest your own money!

The desperation to keep your man has to stop woman! Suspicion only breeds more trouble; you lose your peace of mind and are always in a tensed mood. How is that living?! This morning I was reading a post that talks about each one of us been responsible for our own HAPPINESS! Your husband or man is not responsible for your happiness, you are!

Never allow others in your life to carry the burden of your happiness; No human being is faultless.

So if something is wrong or not working in your relationship, there are ways to go about resolving it instead of ending the life of another human being. Where does that leave you? Doing this takes your own freedom and life away.

Seek counseling from the right people when you have relationship issues. Don’t listen to those who would advise you not to “take sh*t” from anyone. By that they mean hit back, fight dirty…
Women, we cannot be advocating against gender-based violence been perpetrated by men when we are becoming the guilty assailant too. “, “What is good for the gander is good for the goose, please. Udeme happens to be a lawyer who knows what the law says. She is educated and has ways of fighting for her right without getting physical! Was it a one minute or moment of insanity? I really don’t know but seriously this has to STOP!

Women don’t let anything or anyone push you so hard that you become inhuman. Remember you are responsible for your actions and there are consequences.

Say No to all forms of Gender Based Violence.

Adebisi Adetunji (C) Founder Beehyve Empowerment and Development Initiative. Media content provider, Trainer & consultant, Behavioral Change Radio Drama, Communication4Development, Social Media Influencer
Catch me on Twitter @DebisiBusybee
Facebook & email – bisimodupe1975@gmail.com

A Wisdom Nugget to Run With This Week

Credits: Wallpaperweb.org

Since Watching and listening to a music video by one of Nigeria’s music artist over the weekend a line from the lyrics hasn’t left my heart. You know the popular saying about “The grass is greener on the other side” Well here is another angle to it:

The Grass is Greener Where you Water the Ground – Adekunle Gold(Nigerian Musician)

So if you want a green grass, start wetting your own ground where you are. Have a great week!!

Adebisi Adetunji (C) Founder Beehyve Empowerment and Development Initiative. Media content provider, Trainer & consultant, Behavioral Change Radio Drama, Communication4Development, Social Media Influencer
Catch me on Twitter @DebisiBusybee
Facebook & email – bisimodupe1975@gmail.com

Inter-Generational Dialogue – Bridging the Gap between Youths and Seniors

Once life is conceived in the womb growth begins, the fetus begins to develop and it is expected that within nine months the baby will be ready to be born into the world. As soon as a child is born we begin to watch his/her growth by counting days, months and then years. Soon we celebrate the 1st, 10th, 16th, 18th, 25th and progress to the 40s, 50s, 60s then 70s. So we start to age from the womb and move from being an energy driven youth to adulthood and old age eventually comes.

We have become too selfish and we think that older persons are burdensome (Margret Michael)

In order, words take a close look at that older person close to you or you meet in the bus, street, religious place of worship, neighborhood and shopping mall; you are going to become a senior citizen too one day. Therefore start to treat the older persons around you the way you would want to be treated when you become one too.

Many young people find it difficult to understand elderly persons and this takes affects how they treat them. Older persons cannot understand why younger people are always in a hurry and younger persons feel that Seniors are difficult to deal with. So how can we bridge the gap in creating better relationships between the different generations?

Let me share some interesting points from a workshop I was privileged to be a part of. Present In the dialogue forum was older persons and youths.

Mrs. Theresa Michael the Global Development Coordinator of Momi Africa in her welcome speech explained that the dialogue forum coming under the platform of the Youth Entrepreneurship in Service to Seniors and Society (YESSS) Project is intended to raise a crop of young people who will be of service to the elderly.

Myths about old people:
• Helpless and slow
• Are nice but very difficult
• Older people don’t really like youths and kids
• Young people can’t learn anything from the old
• Old be are old and should no longer live their lives
• Old people are ugly and are witches/wizard
• Young people are cool but old people can no longer enjoy their lives.

She summarises it by saying; “If we want to grow old; why are we hostile to the elderly”.

Old people have emotional needs: Pay more attention to them

Important points from the Keynote Speaker, Mr. Dan Uhimwen of Dagomo Foundation at the workshop:

Gaps Between Young /Older Persons

  • Ageism – discrimination against Seniors because they are old – That they can no longer enjoy life even as young people do.
  • Branding of the older persons as witches evil by NollyWood/Media, Religious bodies e.g “old woman in your village”.
  • Technology: Teach older persons how to use their phones/ help them to be technologically savvy.
  • That the older people are the ones that have messed up the country is stereotypes believe.

Older Generation mindset

  • Youths are Lazy
  • Believe that they don’t need technology that it is for the young people.
  • Feel young people don’t know anything
  • Feel that young people dress indecently/Not God fearing
  • Young people don’t want to work, they want easy money.
  • Like shortcut; don’t

Action Point/Solution: Work on and modify our culture so that young people and seniors can improve the relationship between the generation. Respect should be earned, we are very conscious of respect. True respect comes from within, it goes back to a person’s values.

Youths can volunteer to serve older persons in various capacity: run errands, help ckean/cook for them; visit & spend time or call them. 

Benefits of Bridging the gap:

  • Provides an opportunity to pass on values and skills, knowledge, preserves history.
  • Strengthens understanding
  • Addresses fear that your versus old people have about each other.
  • Visit your hometown, let your children know their grandparents.
  • Helps youth to accept their aging- to know that you are also going to grow old
  • Help to reduce depression and loneliness
  • It invigorates and energizes older adults
  • Fills a void for children who don’t have grandparents
  • Bridge the technological gap; Teach your elderly one how to use their phones.
  • Helps to broker peace in homes and society

Stop the bulking passing and take responsibility for the change you want to see in the society

Over 75% of people engaged in crime and in prison awaiting trials are from broken homes. Therefore the family unit is very important to raising responsible young people.

Adebisi Adetunji (C) Founder Beehyve Empowerment and Development Initiative. Media content provider, Trainer & consultant, Behavioral Change Radio Drama, Communication4Development, Social Media Influencer
Catch me on Twitter @DebisiBusybee
Facebook & email – bisimodupe1975@gmail.com

What Are You Up to This Weekend?

Are weekends rest times anymore? A lot seemed packed into our weekends these days.

If it is here in my culture, there is always an “Owanbe” party. Usually there is one wedding, 50th – 70th birthday bash or retirement party, house warming…. And so on and so forth to attend.

Today I am supposed to be at a 70th birthday bash unfortunately “the husband” is under the weather. So I am a nurse for this weekend however in between I have to sort out a few other chores including running errands/attending to an office deadline….

My friend Stella made this pepper soup with assorted meat. It’s from Stellamaris kitchen

OK where is the rest time now? So maybe I can grab a pepper soup bowl and relax reading a book 😁😁 that’s assuming I get someone to make that pepper soup… Hahaha 😁😁

OK, do enjoy your weekend… Find time to relax and rest.