Diran watched his wife, Titi through the door way of the kitchen. He had enjoyed the sumptuous meal and dinner time was filled with laughter. He helped to tuck the kids in bed after telling them a good night story and praying with them. Titi was singing and washing dishes. She moved from one end of the kitchen to the other trying to clean up oblivious of her husband’s presence. Diran was mesmerised watching his wife’s swaying hips. He moved in to hold her from the back and gave her a kiss on her cheek. T-darling as he fondly called her, “you look ravishing tonight”, he commented. Titi does not answer so Diran tries another line. “How can I be of help?” Titi answers coolly, “don’t worry I can manage”. But he wasn’t giving up easily, “you look so tired and worn why don’t you leave the cleaning until tomorrow”. This time Titi snaps and says, “woo I don’t want to wake up seeing a messy kitchen in the morning.” That was a warning sign saying Diran should back off. So he gives her a warm embrace that resulted into Titi sighing and shrugging her shoulder. Later in the bed Diran tries to hold his wife and she moves away from him, yawning “ Diran you know I am so tired…meaning that they won’t be having sex that night. Diran felt deflated. Frustrated he said “how come you are always tired”! And Titi responded, “But we had sex two days ago, haa…ha I’m trying now. And I don’t understand why we can’t have a break”! Igba ti o ki nse ounje (literally- Its not food)! Diran turned his back hurt by his wife’s words and she adjusted her pillow and slept off snoring.
This is the story of many husbands and wives. They say money and sex are the biggest cause of rift between couples. Why does is it seem that men want more sex than women do? Now this is not to say there aren’t women who have a high sexual drive. From what I know sex means different things to men and women.
What sex means to a man:
• Sex means love to a man. How so? Have you ever heard the words, “if you love me prove it” Familiar line of a young man who wants a lady to sleep with him.
• It is an antidote for stress in men. When a man has had a stressful day, sex is one sure way of relaxing his nerves. But trust me when a woman is stressed out and tired, sex is the last thing on her mind.
Why women are always tired:
For very obvious reasons tiredness comes when a person is over worked or stressed up. Many women especially wives/mothers have their plate full.
ii) If Sex to her means just satisfying the man’s craving…meaning that for some reason she doesn’t enjoy it.
iii) If there is no proper orientation about what sex should be.
How to have a better sex relationship between couples
•The starting point to meeting each others sexual needs as a couple is to talk and keep talking about what you both want.
• Then I believe a proper orientation about sex been something to be enjoyed by both the man and the woman is key. What do I mean by this: In the African context I don’t know about other culture, it seems men are taught that sex is a civic duty a wife must perform. The man thinks that it is all about satisfying his sexual urge so he doesn’t really know how to make his wife enjoy the process. And many women too see sex as a necessary task that must be performed to satisfy her husband. With this orientation she would definitely not be looking forward to her sex time with him.
• Each partner should get rid of the selfish attitude and think of the other first. If you are a man whose wife is always tired, take the pains to find out why. Don’t just assume that she just wants to deny or punish you with sex. And ladies/women get real you can’t afford to be tired all the time, sex is part of what spices and keeps oiling the wheel of your marriage.
• Husband chat with your wife about her day or whatever she wants to talk about
• Wife take a good shower and try to relax…cooperate when he is trying to have a chat with you. Enjoy his company and laugh about whatever silly thing you can come up with.
• Have a pillow fight…looks silly but try been kids again with each other. A relaxed atmosphere works magic.
• Husband, take her out on a date…give her a night she doesn’t have to cook or worry about the kids then see whether tiredness will still be an excuse.
• Wife…hmmnn…get involved in the action don’t just allow him to the all the work of caressing. Hen…no be only man suppose know how to….
• Slow down…slow down don’t rush things…take your time.
• Wife you might not reach orgasm all the time but can still be satisfied that you had a good sex time with your man.
• If the night will not work because “the wife” is tired…early morning cozy and intimate time would be refreshing for both of you.
The idea is find out what works for you both and keep working at it.
And seriously sisters don’t leave the move only to your husband, common make some moves too…be the one to initiate sex on those days you are happy so he won’t think you are just always tired!
I am no expert at this sex matter between couples but I hope this is helpful to kick alive the sex life of your marriage.
Photo Credit 1: www.dailymail.co.uk
Photo Credit 2: health.clevelandclinic.org