Memories from Grandpa’s Farm

When was the last time you had a great family time out…? Well I was scrolling down my camera to get some pictures for a post when I came across these pictures. I and my siblings and our families went to our home town to visit our parent then grandpa decided to take us all on a trip to his farm. At first some of us grumbled and tried to stall the trip. The kids wanted to all go but all the adults’ imagined big sand flies and insect biting them. In the end we tricked our children into not going…how so unfair. But in the end look how much fun we all had!

On our way to harvest some crops but not seriously…lol

Farm Photo Bisi, Deola, Friend

Making fun of ourselves as untrained posh farmers from  the city

Yemi, Deola, Bimpe on the farm

 

Farm Photo Bisi, Bimpe Deola

Farm Photo Ronke, friend
Making fun that Ken who was still courting my kid sister now my brother in-law wore a very unfriendly farm attire

Farm Photo Ken , Deola,Bimpe

 

Celebrating my brother in-law who had a terrible accident falling from a scaffolding.  so delighted that he was alive to have fun with us

FarmPhoto Tayo, Deola, Ronke, Bimpe, Yemi

Finally we got some maize plucked into the basket but seriously grandpa helped us out. Victory at last!

When was the last time you had fun as a family? Hey its time to do it again! I love these guys(my family)

Adebisi Adetunji

An Oversized Ring

RING 3Susan sat on a rocking chair knitting away enjoying the cool evening breeze on the balcony. She was knitting another sweater for her granddaughter, Adaobi whom she adored dearly. She wondered why she wasn’t home yet. Susan hoped that it wouldn’t be one of those nights that her boss kept her working late. How time flies she thought, her Adaobi is a grown woman already. As these thoughts passed through her mind in comes Adaobi dancing moving her waist from side to side. “And what are we so excited about today?” says her grandma. He finally proposed, grandma said Adaobi delightfully. A wedding proposal already, thought Susan. Behind her glasses she blinked tears of joy away as she thought of all the years of struggling to raise her only grandchild. She remembers that dreadful day when she lost her daughter Adaobi’s mother on the birth table. The pregnancy was a difficult one and she was alone in the journey. Her prince charming disappeared as soon as he got to know that she was pregnant. They had both being young when it happened. Susan found herself helping to pick and put together the broken pieces of her daughter’s heart. She hoped that after the baby was born her daughter could move on with her dreams but fate had something else in store. Her daughter never made it through leaving her with the cries of the new born now Adaobi.

Adaobi, cut through these thoughts in Susan’s mind, “grandma check out my ring…are you not happy for me?” Susan startled quickly responded, “of course I am so happy for you darling”. “So when do I finally get to meet this prince charming you have been hiding all this while?” Adaobi explained that Mark had only being very busy but that he promised to pay a visit at the weekend. Susan was excited and started to praise sing her only grandchild.

On Sunday evening Mark came to pay his would be in-law a visit. Susan was happy to receive him and Adaobi was beside herself with excitement. The young man looked calm and collected. He was very respectful and knew when to throw in a few jokes which Susan laughed to. Adaobi watched her grandmother and Mark warm up to each other. In her heart she sent up to heaven a quick thank you. Soon it was time for Mark to leave. His sweetheart escorted him out, and Susan watched them both holding hands as they walked out the front door. It was a while before Adaobi came back. When she came in, her grandmother was sitting on her rocking chair in the dark. Adaobi smiled thinking that her grandmother must have dozed off; she walked towards her with the aim of helping her to get to her bed. As soon as she was close enough Susan spoke up, “Adaobi, the young man is very nice but as an old woman who has seen many sides of life something doesn’t sit well with me about that boy”. Her granddaughter’s hand which was lifted to tap her awake stood still in mid-air. Stammering she said, bu…but mama…. Susan cut her unfinished words by laying her old shriveled fingers on Adaobi’s cheek lovingly and spoke again. “Child, an elder sees what a child doesn’t see; you need to find out more about him before making the big commitment”. With a sinking heart Adaobi knew that it was better to pay hid to the wisdom of her grandma.

Adaobi prayed and hoped that all would be well between her and Mark. She loved him so much and he as well didn’t give her any reason to doubt his love for her. Their love relationship kept blossoming. Soon it was his birthday and she organized a surprise party for the love of her life. She contracted a caterer to do the cooking and a few friends were invited. All of the goodies were to arrive at Mark’s residence in the evening on the D-day. All day Adaobi couldn’t pay attention at work but as soon as she closed she headed to Mark’s home in the hope of meeting her caterer at the address. As Adaobi drove into Mark’s compound where music was already blaring, the house was in frenzy. She was disappointed that Mark had gotten home earlier than she planned and perhaps by then had already let the caterer in. Adaobi didn’t like that the bubble of her planned surprise birthday bash had been busted. She quickly jumped the few staircases on the pouch and as she lifted her hands to knock on the door, it swung open. An excited sweet voice broke out singing… happy birthday to you… and stopped after the first few words. A beautiful fair face stood confused facing Adaobi.
“Who are you?” she said. And who are you? Adaobi asked instead of answering her question. The beautiful fair face replied with irritation, “His wife”, and slammed the door! Adaobi stood still and couldn’t move for several minutes. After a while panting and dizzy she managed to turn away but soon crashed on the steps of the staircases. She couldn’t cry but simply stared out into space lost in a faraway world. Adaobi’s heart was broken into so many pieces that it took several sessions of psychotherapy to mend.

A good number of women have become psychiatric patients because they were badly hurt and betrayed by some man who is either a “promised forever love” like in Adaobi’s case or a husband. How does a woman not get to that extreme breaking point? By knowing that human beings are full of surprises and your life does not come to an end because of a disappointment or betrayal. Protect your heart and let God be your succor. Life can still be beautiful and rich for you in spite of that deep hurt.

Photo Credit: Thanks to Neil Lane engagement rings

Adebisi Adetunji

Hello

Hi,
Thank you for always stopping by to take a peep at my musing. I’d like to apologize for having not been able to meet up with our Friday fashion post for two weeks in a row. Sincerely my schedule has been tight but i hope to work on bringing you something nice soon. Do have a pleasant and fabulous weekend.

Why Should women protest against their own?

SENATOR AISHA ALHASSAN
Senator Aisha Jumai Alhassan

On the 7th November 2015, the election tribunal declares Senator Aisha Jumai Alhassan as the winner of the April 25th gubernatorial poll in Taraba State. This would make her the first elected female governor in Nigeria. Meanwhile the declaration has given rise to a number of protests in the state. Early this morning while listening to the news it was reported that some women in Taraba state protest the sacking of the sitting governor, Darius Ishiaku, a man! What an irony that women protest against the ascent of their own into a leadership position yet we blow trumpets of female emancipation in our political terrain. I cannot help but wonder who these women are: Are they ignorant and impoverished women who would sew Aso Ebi to sing the praises of a political figure for just a few Naira notes thrown their way. In my line of work during political campaigns we see women from the grass root hired as escort to praise sing our politicians during a public outing. At the end of such exercise the women leader gives like N500 or N1000 to each of the women. A friend says that is giving too much credit…sometimes it is as low as N200 with a Congo of rice to take to their poor families!

I am not by this post saying these protesting women are not entitled to their own political views but I cannot but wonder why we as women seem to have a pull her down syndrome. While discussing this same issue with colleagues at work, some said that when a woman has a vested interest in her husband, brother, cousin, father or male acquaintance in taking a leadership position then a fellow woman is a no…no..no. Another person was of the opinion that women are territorial and become easily jealous of each other! The question is, are we really serious about attaining equal rights for women? Seriously we need to pull together in ranks as women instead of breaking the lines which exposes us to the attack of the enemy! I don’t mean that men are our enemies just making an analogy here.

Today 11th November 2015, at the ministerial swearing in ceremony she was named the Minister of Women affairs. I am watching to see how the appeal of the opposing party to her declaration as the winner of the poll turns out!

Word Glossary

Congo of Rice: Bowl for measuring rice at the market for buyers

Aso Ebi: A Fabric or cloth selected by a group for an occasion

Photo Credit: naijatowncrier.com

Adebisi Adetunji

SEX: My wife is always tired!

SEX MATTER 1

Diran watched his wife, Titi through the door way of the kitchen. He had enjoyed the sumptuous meal and dinner time was filled with laughter. He helped to tuck the kids in bed after telling them a good night story and praying with them. Titi was singing and washing dishes. She moved from one end of the kitchen to the other trying to clean up oblivious of her husband’s presence. Diran was mesmerised watching his wife’s swaying hips. He moved in to hold her from the back and gave her a kiss on her cheek. T-darling as he fondly called her, “you look ravishing tonight”, he commented. Titi does not answer so Diran tries another line. “How can I be of help?” Titi answers coolly, “don’t worry I can manage”. But he wasn’t giving up easily, “you look so tired and worn why don’t you leave the cleaning until tomorrow”. This time Titi snaps and says, “woo I don’t want to wake up seeing a messy kitchen in the morning.” That was a warning sign saying Diran should back off. So he gives her a warm embrace that resulted into Titi sighing and shrugging her shoulder. Later in the bed Diran tries to hold his wife and she moves away from him, yawning “ Diran you know I am so tired…meaning that they won’t be having sex that night. Diran felt deflated. Frustrated he said “how come you are always tired”! And Titi responded, “But we had sex two days ago, haa…ha I’m trying now. And I don’t understand why we can’t have a break”! Igba ti o ki nse ounje (literally- Its not food)! Diran turned his back hurt by his wife’s words and she adjusted her pillow and slept off snoring. SEX MATTER 2

This is the story of many husbands and wives. They say money and sex are the biggest cause of rift between couples. Why does is it seem that men want more sex than women do? Now this is not to say there aren’t women who have a high sexual drive. From what I know sex means different things to men and women.

What sex means to a man:
• Sex means love to a man. How so? Have you ever heard the words, “if you love me prove it” Familiar line of a young man who wants a lady to sleep with him.
• It is an antidote for stress in men. When a man has had a stressful day, sex is one sure way of relaxing his nerves. But trust me when a woman is stressed out and tired, sex is the last thing on her mind.

Why women are always tired:

For very obvious reasons tiredness comes when a person is over worked or stressed up. Many women especially wives/mothers have their plate full.
ii) If Sex to her means just satisfying the man’s craving…meaning that for some reason she doesn’t enjoy it.
iii) If there is no proper orientation about what sex should be.

How to have a better sex relationship between couples

•The starting point to meeting each others sexual needs as a couple is to talk and keep talking about what you both want.

• Then I believe a proper orientation about sex been something to be enjoyed by both the man and the woman is key. What do I mean by this: In the African context I don’t know about other culture, it seems men are taught that sex is a civic duty a wife must perform. The man thinks that it is all about satisfying his sexual urge so he doesn’t really know how to make his wife enjoy the process. And many women too see sex as a necessary task that must be performed to satisfy her husband. With this orientation she would definitely not be looking forward to her sex time with him.

• Each partner should get rid of the selfish attitude and think of the other first. If you are a man whose wife is always tired, take the pains to find out why. Don’t just assume that she just wants to deny or punish you with sex. And ladies/women get real you can’t afford to be tired all the time, sex is part of what spices and keeps oiling the wheel of your marriage.

• Husband chat with your wife about her day or whatever she wants to talk about

• Wife take a good shower and try to relax…cooperate when he is trying to have a chat with you. Enjoy his company and laugh about whatever silly thing you can come up with.

• Have a pillow fight…looks silly but try been kids again with each other. A relaxed atmosphere works magic.

• Husband, take her out on a date…give her a night she doesn’t have to cook or worry about the kids then see whether tiredness will still be an excuse.

• Wife…hmmnn…get involved in the action don’t just allow him to the all the work of caressing. Hen…no be only man suppose know how to….

• Slow down…slow down don’t rush things…take your time.

• Wife you might not reach orgasm all the time but can still be satisfied that you had a good sex time with your man.

• If the night will not work because “the wife” is tired…early morning cozy and intimate time would be refreshing for both of you.
The idea is find out what works for you both and keep working at it.

And seriously sisters don’t leave the move only to your husband, common make some moves too…be the one to initiate sex on those days you are happy so he won’t think you are just always tired!
I am no expert at this sex matter between couples but I hope this is helpful to kick alive the sex life of your marriage.

Photo Credit 1: www.dailymail.co.uk

Photo Credit 2: health.clevelandclinic.org

Adebisi Adetunji

In Loving Memory of Oluwasesan Adenola Osiyemi

Life is a gift, treasure it, cherish it, and enjoy it. On this the day 4th November Oluwasesan finished his course on this life sooner than expected. The last indeed came first, he was the last born of six siblings. SESAN OSIYEMI
I remember his last birthday: He turned Twenty One and wanted to celebrate it in style with family and friends. Sessy boy as I remember calling him sometimes came to my home in Ibadan to invite us for this birthday bash in Lagos! But I couldn’t make it because I was under strict orders of my doctors to be on bed rest back then. I wish I had attended that 21st birthday. It was like a goodbye to everyone he held dare. One month later the sad event happened. On the 5th of October 2015 he would have being 30years old, a grown man.

Though his life was for a brief 21years, he was a young man full of life. I am grateful for the years God gave us to share together. We would like you to know that Dad, mum and the rest of us have all grown and our family is larger. God’s mercy, comfort and love covered and held us through it all. We miss you dearly but most importantly we know that you went away to heaven to be with the Lord. Heaven is made of streets of gold, peaceful and devoid of pain. Therefore we are comforted and hopeful that someday we will all meet rejoicing at the Saviour’s feet.

Life is short, live it well; and while enjoying it connect with the one who knows your beginning and end. For us as a family Jesus makes life worth living!

Adebisi Adetunji

Girls Should not Command Boys?!

As we mark another International Girl child day, this drama in my home comes to mind. I’d like to share it with you again.

This years theme: Girls Progress= Goals Progress- What Counts for Girls

Boys and girls 1
Siblings quarreling

It was a week day and we just came home from work and school. I decided to take a few minutes to rest on the couch in the living room before heading for the kitchen. My kids dropped their school bags in the room and shortly they emerged having an argument as usual. I looked up and wondered what the sibling fight was about this time again. My son was pointing an accusing finger at his sister and she was challenging him as well. Out came these words repeatedly from my son’s lips:

“Girls should not command girls!”

I was caught off guard…while thinking to myself but many men answer to the command of my female bosses at work. In a split second it dawned on me that my son was getting older and he is beginning to flex his male ego muscles. Where did the words, Girls should not command girls, come from I asked myself. He had just started secondary school (High school) and he definitely is beginning to mingle and learn from the other boys at school I thought.

Well I had to intervene in the siblings quarrel by asking them both to keep quiet. Then i asked my son why he thought girls should not command boys. I decided not to be quick in judging the statement to be another stereotyped way of viewing girls or the female gender. It turned out that he felt his sister always commanded him to do things even though he was older than her. He felt she wasn’t respecting him enough. I laughed but took his concern seriously. Of course they are my children and I am aware that my girl was out spoken and finds it easy to express her opinion. Often times she tends to override him but we try to remind her to show some respect for her older brother. So again on this day I reminded her and she had this naughty smile on her face as usual.

I couldn’t pass the opportunity to teach my son the lesson of not thinking that girls or women should be subservient to boys or men.

However I couldn’t pass the opportunity to teach my son the lesson of not thinking that girls or women should be subservient to boys or men. Boys are not better than girls and vice-visa. I explained to him that boys and girls should treat each other with respect. In the end they both agreed with me to show some respect for each other but I knew that I would soon be settling another sibling quarrel over something else that is inconsequential. It never ends until they are fully grown and come to cherish each other more.

Boys and Girls should treat each other with respect.

I thought that was the end of the matter on boys and girls superiority but it wasn’t yet over. It so happened that their grandma was present while I was giving my kids this lesson. She tried to explain to me why she believed men are supposed to be “head over women”. I smiled understanding where she was coming from. Ok from the Biblical point of view a man is the head of his home meaning that he should take responsibility for what goes on in his family. This does not mean that a man is better than the woman; this does not mean that a woman cannot have a brilliant and better idea in decision making; this does not mean that it is a taboo for a woman to occupy a leadership role. Boy or girl, woman or man none is better than the other. We are all equals as humans.

It is not a taboo for a woman to occupy a leadership position

Boys and girls 2
Happy sibling moment

Every child matters: Invest in girls health, safety, education and rights – in times of peace and crisis (UN)

So my final take on this is, each boy or girl; man or woman has being endowed with different abilities and gifts; let’s create room for both sexes to flourish. Let us begin to teach this lesson of respecting the opposite sex and treating each other right from our homes then gender inequality will not be an issue in the next generation of adults.

Let’s create room for both sexes to flourish especially girls.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)