There has been argument for and against a woman building a house without her husband’s knowledge. Unlike in developed countries where housing is planned and anyone wanting to own a house has to buy one, in Africa it’s a different ball game. You want a house or want to be a “landlord” as we say, you have to go through the process of buying a land and saving or loaning money to build your desired dream home.
Largely men are expected by society to be the “chief owners” and landlords of houses. Again i found out that more women now take up this role when they have the resources to own their own properties. Interestingly even though in times past women’s right to own their own lands, houses and properties was frowned at by society my grandmother who is now late had not just a house but she owned a number of properties and did manage to leave a good inheritance for her children.
Now where am i going with this gist? Well there seem to be a lot of quarrel over a woman building a house or even owning a property without the “express permission” of her husband. There are those men who do not like the idea of their wives building a house at all. To them it is like undermining their ability to be “the man” that should provide/leadership role. The other side of the divide are women who do not carry along their husbands in this great investment of building a house/owning a property. When such a man finds out all hell breaks loose. It becomes a big family feud that will require external intervention. Sometimes these marriages break as a result.
I believe there should be nothing hidden between spouses. If i have a land or would like to build, I’ll carry my husband along in my plans. In fact i turned up my nose against women who leave their husband in the dark about such huge steps until i heard this story…
There is this couple whom i would refer to as Mr & Mrs Ray. Mrs Ray purchased a land and built a house without the knowledge of her husband Mr Ray. She held this secret tightly to her heart and revealed it when something happened. Mr Ray’s family showed up one day to inform her that their son, Mr Ray had a baby by another woman. They pleaded with her to forgive him of this betrayal and our dear Mrs Ray refused to go berserk because of this news. Days later she invited her husband to the location of her property to show him the house she had built. Mr Ray went into a shock. When he did recover he accused her of “backstabbing”and was very furious with her. Why did Mrs Ray acquire her own property secretly? Could it be that she did not trust her husband? Perhaps so because it was later revealed by her that Mr Ray collected every penny she made from her business often and had assaulted her physically. A lot happened between them that i would not like to go into in this story but the couple eventually separated.
Sad way for that marriage to have ended but i am forced to ask what is wrong with a woman owning properties, lands and houses? Why do some men feel threatened by this?
A man who supports his woman will be the bigger beneficiary of the dividend.
Men and Women should support one another to succeed for the world can be no better with just one of the gender.
Photo Credit: How to make a model of a house
Adebisi Adetunji (C)