Why Some Women Detest Sex: How to change this

COUPLEIn marriage two things are a major cause of fights and quarrels: Sex and Money. I love you has nothing to do with the economic status of a person that makes your world spin nicely. However money enhances love in ways we never see until bills pile up. You need money to put a roof over your heads; money to take her/him out; money to pay for gas, school fees and so on. This is not my focus of discussion in this post.

Apart from money the other thing that causes tension in a marriage relationship is Sex. This problem is an issue couples are silent about. It’s like we point fingers at every other thing but the main issue. When a man is cranky and irritable especially early in the morning check out his sex life with his wife.
And if such a man has a wife who is almost ever not interested then the problem forms a bigger circle.

In my culture and circle I have heard women say things like: se ounje ni? ( Literal interpretation – Is it food? Meaning that it is not as necessary as food) My take: It is more than food.

Many of us never heard our mothers talk about their sex life and most mothers/parents won’t talk about it. And when they finally talk about it you hear phrases that say it is all about satisfying the man. Nobody teaches the woman that SEX is something meant for her enjoyment and many of our men either do not know or understand this.

I believe that women and men wanting a lasting and fulfilling intimacy need to have proper education about sex. Men think they know all that is needed …I mean they are the men here…a little ego trip. Permit me to be a little frank….it is not just about inserting the penis and coming out from the vagina after ejaculation. A man has got to know the process that makes for enjoyable sex with his wife.

A quick mention of some women’s reasons for detesting sex:
My man is always in a hurry
• He is rough
• I don’t enjoy sex; it’s too much work
• I am not always in the mood
• I am always tired

Sex is an important ingredient in any marriage. It is a fuel that keeps oiling your relationship which makes for smooth movement of your love wheel or chain.

How we can change things ad throw some fireworks into our love lives as couples
Read books that give information about how to have a fulfilling sex life as a man or woman: (I am not talking about Porn materials).
• Talk to older couples or peer couples whom you can share experience with and help each other out to make it work. Seriously this is something we should stop shying away from. If you’ve got problems with your sex life talk to someone about it…get help.
• Attend couples retreats and marriage seminars/programs in church, your club or group.
• Talk with each other about your sex life. As a couple you should not be ashamed to talk about how you feel about your sex life/experience. It should not be an ice that you walk around afraid that it might break.
• Tell your partner what you enjoy, what you would like and what you don’t like. Learn to negotiate; do not force each other to do what you do not like.
• Women learn to participate in the sex process and seriously Mr Man slow down…
• Talk to your doctor if you are concerned about problems of tight vagina, delay in ejaculation or erection.
• Help your wife with some of your house chores and care of the kids so she is not always stressed and tired.
• If she is too tired for thee show at night, negotiate an early morning ride…haaa…haaa
• And ladies you cannot be tired every day of the week; you’ve got to plan and manage your time well. A good shower works magic.

And a quick question for the clergy and marriage counselors: Do you just glaze over sex and intimacy issues while counseling young couples? When I went through counseling, we were lucky to have an older couple who was frank and very down to earth with I and my husband. There my man was told that he had a lot to do in making me enjoy sex with practical examples. I was also told that I had a part to play in the whole process. So we took off on our journey on a right and informed note.

I was clear; my man was clear that:
* sex was not just about satisfying the man.
* That we were going to enjoy ourselves.
And through the years we have grown and are both enjoying our sex life. Ok not that I don’t have days that I am seriously put off and not in the mood but we talk about it and bear with one another.

Your Sex life with your spouse could be more fulflling and satisfying.

Photo Credit: Couples Collection – Spyderonline.com

Adebisi Adetunji ©

GRATEFUL …A Little Bit More about Me as i Celebrate Another Year

Birtday groove 5Birtday groove 8

Music & artist I love:
* Ko ma si o & Dansaki by Lara George
* One Step at a time by Jordan Spark
* You Raise me up to stand on Mountains by Duo Secret Garden: Brendan Graham & Rolf Lovland
* God is Able to do just what He said he will do by Deitrick Haddon

My kind of movies
• Romance and a good love story
• Action with a good story plot
• Horror movies are my no…no…no…just don’t like the feeling it leaves.

Books I read
• The Bible
• Leadership and management
• Motivational and inspirational writings
• John Grisham’s collection
• Novels with great stories
• Novels with stories from the old English settings

I love my family

FAMILY PHOTO SHOOT 2FAMILY PHOTO SHOOT 3FAMILY PHOTO SHOOT 5

My quote for this new year
God Never Takes YOUR DREAM AWAY HE just makes it BETTER and BIGGER when you give it to HIM

I am blessed you are in my life…yes you reading right now!!!

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Thoughts & Life #4 – Thoughts on Leadership

Never stop growing
Be growth oriented and not goal oriented
Never be satisfied with attainment off a position; keep growing, keep learning. (Inspired by the book 360 Degree Leadership)

Vision leaks, it needs to be communicated clearly, creatively and continually. John C. Maxwel

ABIYE CREW TEAM WORK

To get your team’s buy in into a vision you have to sell it to them.

If they don’t get it they will not run with it
If they don’t get it they can frustrate it
If they don’t buy into your vision you are going to have a hard time succeeding.

Don’t be a Mr/Ms know all
Don’t let ego get in the way
You need your team/followers to achieve your goals

Leadership is about leading and not an ego trip
You can succeed too; get your team on board and on the same page with you.

 

Tips for getting your team on your side
Share your vision clearly…paint the picture of what you want to achieve or where you want to go.
• Tell them you need them to achieve this.
• If you have a plan of how to get to where you want to go/achieve your goals share it with your team. However tap into their amazing ideas that will help get you to your goal.
• Assign duties and let them get on with carrying out their tasks without breathing down on their necks.
• Have a re-group meeting where you can remind your team of the goal/vision and get an up-date about how close you all are to the vision.
• Appreciate, appreciate efforts of your team.
• Acknowledge that you and your team made it happen…don’t take all the credit.
• If something doesn’t work share in the blame don’t push the fault on your team members.
• Take charge…be in charge, let your team know that they can come to you to handle problems that show up.
• Celebrate your success with your team…reward them maybe with a small tea party; certificates of thank you for a job well done and perhaps a raise if it calls for that.

Goodluck with wearing your leadership shoes!!!

Adebisi Adetunji(C)

Using your Stats as a Spring Board to Blog Growth

BLOG GROWTH 2BLOG GROWTH

Your stats can be more than something you take a peep at every now and then to catch a glimpse of who has visited or viewed your site. You can go beyond the sinking feeling of not seeing enough numbers of readers, views and visitors…beyond that ecstatic feeling of having reached a big number. Just because your stats jumped does not mean it can not go down again or be more. But then celebrate your achievements and success.

Here is what studying my Stats from a close point of view mirrored for me:

  • My most viewed page with the highest number of views/readership is my Home page/Archives with 1,779 views just this year 2016
  • Next I discovered that my readers/visitors/viewers seem to be interested in information about care of the elderly. This is why my most clicked on/read post is ” Care Service Providers for the elderly in Nigeria”. 917hits.
  • I also found out that posts on Relationships and Marriage drew in a number of readers/viewing.

A few things a closer look at your stats can help you achieve:

  • Helps you to know the number of followers you have on word press and on your various social media platforms
    Mine: WordPress – 134 followers
    Facebook – 502
    Twitter – 68
    Not sure of my LinkedIn account..which means i have to work on this.
  • I also learned that i have neglected some followers as i haven’t acknowledged their kind gesture in following me by thanking them, following back and commenting on their posts too. One good turn deserves another they say.
  • It will help you know the geographical location of those following/reading your blog. Having this knowledge will help you understand your audience and their preference.
  • You’d also be able to determine the best day and hour to post based on what statistics  revealed about your most popular day and hour with the highest views You’d also be able to determine whether you are reaching your target audience or not.
  • You will have knowledge about search engine words/phrases that generated clicks on your site/bog.

Good news for me

  • This exercise revealed that i have achieved more than my set goal of having 500 followers, meaning i have to aim higher now.
  • I compared two years stat 2015 and 2016 and discovered that i had gained more viewings and following by 35% judging by the numbers.

It is good to know that i am moving and getting better and i am not resting on my oars…None off us should because it can be better.

So don’t sweat it…keep writing and posting, keep learning and working on improving yourself and blog. BLOG GROWTH 3

Hope this has been helpful.
And i want to say thank you to every reader, follower and visitor to my page. Love you loads 🙂

And seriously thank you Blogging U Team…This course on Blogging, Branding and Growth rocks!!!

Photo Credits: Ismallbusiness.com, Activegroupinc.com, problogger.net

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Thoughts & Life #3

IDEA

Ideas Rule the World – Pastor Sam Adeyemi

You can never get the perfect circumstance just DO IT!

There is never time for anything, you create the time

He that observeth the wind shall not sow and he that regardeth the cloud shall not reap – Ecclesiastic 11:4

Don’t ever believe that you are the only one thinking about that idea going through your head right now. A thousand and more people around the world are thinking of that same idea. The first to act becomes the author/owner.

Procrastination and fear are killers of great ideas, step out now. You will never know what could have been.

Photo Credit: Twitter.com

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

My Blog : Beyond my Wildest Dreams

LEARNING

I am unto a new journey of improving on what i do here on my blog which is to write. Learning should never stop and the best way to do better is to keep learning. So i decided to enroll in this course powered by WordPress Blogging U: “Blogging, Branding and Growth”.

KNOW BETTERMy first assignment is to set three Goals about what i want to achieve with my blog.

I have more than three  -here they are:

  • I want to have more  interesting and interactive blog posts that inspires at least 20 comments for now
  • I want to make new friends and keep them: learning and supporting their blogs too
  • I want to have 500 followers and readers
  • I want a blog brand that attracts profit(money)
  • Most importantly to continue to enjoy blogging

And here is my long term goal:

  • I want my blog to become a spring board for policy changes that will make life better for women, Girls and children.

And so the hard work and journey continues….A shout out to my readers, followers and friends in the blogging community!!!

Photo Credits: Quotesgram.com (1) Funderstanding (2)

Adebisi Adetunji (C)