Why Some Women Detest Sex: How to change this

COUPLEIn marriage two things are a major cause of fights and quarrels: Sex and Money. I love you has nothing to do with the economic status of a person that makes your world spin nicely. However money enhances love in ways we never see until bills pile up. You need money to put a roof over your heads; money to take her/him out; money to pay for gas, school fees and so on. This is not my focus of discussion in this post.

Apart from money the other thing that causes tension in a marriage relationship is Sex. This problem is an issue couples are silent about. It’s like we point fingers at every other thing but the main issue. When a man is cranky and irritable especially early in the morning check out his sex life with his wife.
And if such a man has a wife who is almost ever not interested then the problem forms a bigger circle.

In my culture and circle I have heard women say things like: se ounje ni? ( Literal interpretation – Is it food? Meaning that it is not as necessary as food) My take: It is more than food.

Many of us never heard our mothers talk about their sex life and most mothers/parents won’t talk about it. And when they finally talk about it you hear phrases that say it is all about satisfying the man. Nobody teaches the woman that SEX is something meant for her enjoyment and many of our men either do not know or understand this.

I believe that women and men wanting a lasting and fulfilling intimacy need to have proper education about sex. Men think they know all that is needed …I mean they are the men here…a little ego trip. Permit me to be a little frank….it is not just about inserting the penis and coming out from the vagina after ejaculation. A man has got to know the process that makes for enjoyable sex with his wife.

A quick mention of some women’s reasons for detesting sex:
My man is always in a hurry
• He is rough
• I don’t enjoy sex; it’s too much work
• I am not always in the mood
• I am always tired

Sex is an important ingredient in any marriage. It is a fuel that keeps oiling your relationship which makes for smooth movement of your love wheel or chain.

How we can change things ad throw some fireworks into our love lives as couples
Read books that give information about how to have a fulfilling sex life as a man or woman: (I am not talking about Porn materials).
• Talk to older couples or peer couples whom you can share experience with and help each other out to make it work. Seriously this is something we should stop shying away from. If you’ve got problems with your sex life talk to someone about it…get help.
• Attend couples retreats and marriage seminars/programs in church, your club or group.
• Talk with each other about your sex life. As a couple you should not be ashamed to talk about how you feel about your sex life/experience. It should not be an ice that you walk around afraid that it might break.
• Tell your partner what you enjoy, what you would like and what you don’t like. Learn to negotiate; do not force each other to do what you do not like.
• Women learn to participate in the sex process and seriously Mr Man slow down…
• Talk to your doctor if you are concerned about problems of tight vagina, delay in ejaculation or erection.
• Help your wife with some of your house chores and care of the kids so she is not always stressed and tired.
• If she is too tired for thee show at night, negotiate an early morning ride…haaa…haaa
• And ladies you cannot be tired every day of the week; you’ve got to plan and manage your time well. A good shower works magic.

And a quick question for the clergy and marriage counselors: Do you just glaze over sex and intimacy issues while counseling young couples? When I went through counseling, we were lucky to have an older couple who was frank and very down to earth with I and my husband. There my man was told that he had a lot to do in making me enjoy sex with practical examples. I was also told that I had a part to play in the whole process. So we took off on our journey on a right and informed note.

I was clear; my man was clear that:
* sex was not just about satisfying the man.
* That we were going to enjoy ourselves.
And through the years we have grown and are both enjoying our sex life. Ok not that I don’t have days that I am seriously put off and not in the mood but we talk about it and bear with one another.

Your Sex life with your spouse could be more fulflling and satisfying.

Photo Credit: Couples Collection – Spyderonline.com

Adebisi Adetunji ©

GRATEFUL …A Little Bit More about Me as i Celebrate Another Year

Birtday groove 5Birtday groove 8

Music & artist I love:
* Ko ma si o & Dansaki by Lara George
* One Step at a time by Jordan Spark
* You Raise me up to stand on Mountains by Duo Secret Garden: Brendan Graham & Rolf Lovland
* God is Able to do just what He said he will do by Deitrick Haddon

My kind of movies
• Romance and a good love story
• Action with a good story plot
• Horror movies are my no…no…no…just don’t like the feeling it leaves.

Books I read
• The Bible
• Leadership and management
• Motivational and inspirational writings
• John Grisham’s collection
• Novels with great stories
• Novels with stories from the old English settings

I love my family

FAMILY PHOTO SHOOT 2FAMILY PHOTO SHOOT 3FAMILY PHOTO SHOOT 5

My quote for this new year
God Never Takes YOUR DREAM AWAY HE just makes it BETTER and BIGGER when you give it to HIM

I am blessed you are in my life…yes you reading right now!!!

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Thoughts & Life #4 – Thoughts on Leadership

Never stop growing
Be growth oriented and not goal oriented
Never be satisfied with attainment off a position; keep growing, keep learning. (Inspired by the book 360 Degree Leadership)

Vision leaks, it needs to be communicated clearly, creatively and continually. John C. Maxwel

ABIYE CREW TEAM WORK

To get your team’s buy in into a vision you have to sell it to them.

If they don’t get it they will not run with it
If they don’t get it they can frustrate it
If they don’t buy into your vision you are going to have a hard time succeeding.

Don’t be a Mr/Ms know all
Don’t let ego get in the way
You need your team/followers to achieve your goals

Leadership is about leading and not an ego trip
You can succeed too; get your team on board and on the same page with you.

 

Tips for getting your team on your side
Share your vision clearly…paint the picture of what you want to achieve or where you want to go.
• Tell them you need them to achieve this.
• If you have a plan of how to get to where you want to go/achieve your goals share it with your team. However tap into their amazing ideas that will help get you to your goal.
• Assign duties and let them get on with carrying out their tasks without breathing down on their necks.
• Have a re-group meeting where you can remind your team of the goal/vision and get an up-date about how close you all are to the vision.
• Appreciate, appreciate efforts of your team.
• Acknowledge that you and your team made it happen…don’t take all the credit.
• If something doesn’t work share in the blame don’t push the fault on your team members.
• Take charge…be in charge, let your team know that they can come to you to handle problems that show up.
• Celebrate your success with your team…reward them maybe with a small tea party; certificates of thank you for a job well done and perhaps a raise if it calls for that.

Goodluck with wearing your leadership shoes!!!

Adebisi Adetunji(C)

Using your Stats as a Spring Board to Blog Growth

BLOG GROWTH 2BLOG GROWTH

Your stats can be more than something you take a peep at every now and then to catch a glimpse of who has visited or viewed your site. You can go beyond the sinking feeling of not seeing enough numbers of readers, views and visitors…beyond that ecstatic feeling of having reached a big number. Just because your stats jumped does not mean it can not go down again or be more. But then celebrate your achievements and success.

Here is what studying my Stats from a close point of view mirrored for me:

  • My most viewed page with the highest number of views/readership is my Home page/Archives with 1,779 views just this year 2016
  • Next I discovered that my readers/visitors/viewers seem to be interested in information about care of the elderly. This is why my most clicked on/read post is ” Care Service Providers for the elderly in Nigeria”. 917hits.
  • I also found out that posts on Relationships and Marriage drew in a number of readers/viewing.

A few things a closer look at your stats can help you achieve:

  • Helps you to know the number of followers you have on word press and on your various social media platforms
    Mine: WordPress – 134 followers
    Facebook – 502
    Twitter – 68
    Not sure of my LinkedIn account..which means i have to work on this.
  • I also learned that i have neglected some followers as i haven’t acknowledged their kind gesture in following me by thanking them, following back and commenting on their posts too. One good turn deserves another they say.
  • It will help you know the geographical location of those following/reading your blog. Having this knowledge will help you understand your audience and their preference.
  • You’d also be able to determine the best day and hour to post based on what statistics  revealed about your most popular day and hour with the highest views You’d also be able to determine whether you are reaching your target audience or not.
  • You will have knowledge about search engine words/phrases that generated clicks on your site/bog.

Good news for me

  • This exercise revealed that i have achieved more than my set goal of having 500 followers, meaning i have to aim higher now.
  • I compared two years stat 2015 and 2016 and discovered that i had gained more viewings and following by 35% judging by the numbers.

It is good to know that i am moving and getting better and i am not resting on my oars…None off us should because it can be better.

So don’t sweat it…keep writing and posting, keep learning and working on improving yourself and blog. BLOG GROWTH 3

Hope this has been helpful.
And i want to say thank you to every reader, follower and visitor to my page. Love you loads 🙂

And seriously thank you Blogging U Team…This course on Blogging, Branding and Growth rocks!!!

Photo Credits: Ismallbusiness.com, Activegroupinc.com, problogger.net

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Thoughts & Life #3

IDEA

Ideas Rule the World – Pastor Sam Adeyemi

You can never get the perfect circumstance just DO IT!

There is never time for anything, you create the time

He that observeth the wind shall not sow and he that regardeth the cloud shall not reap – Ecclesiastic 11:4

Don’t ever believe that you are the only one thinking about that idea going through your head right now. A thousand and more people around the world are thinking of that same idea. The first to act becomes the author/owner.

Procrastination and fear are killers of great ideas, step out now. You will never know what could have been.

Photo Credit: Twitter.com

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

My Blog : Beyond my Wildest Dreams

LEARNING

I am unto a new journey of improving on what i do here on my blog which is to write. Learning should never stop and the best way to do better is to keep learning. So i decided to enroll in this course powered by WordPress Blogging U: “Blogging, Branding and Growth”.

KNOW BETTERMy first assignment is to set three Goals about what i want to achieve with my blog.

I have more than three  -here they are:

  • I want to have more  interesting and interactive blog posts that inspires at least 20 comments for now
  • I want to make new friends and keep them: learning and supporting their blogs too
  • I want to have 500 followers and readers
  • I want a blog brand that attracts profit(money)
  • Most importantly to continue to enjoy blogging

And here is my long term goal:

  • I want my blog to become a spring board for policy changes that will make life better for women, Girls and children.

And so the hard work and journey continues….A shout out to my readers, followers and friends in the blogging community!!!

Photo Credits: Quotesgram.com (1) Funderstanding (2)

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

 

Interesting Angles to the sexual assault Bill : Lecturers and “Female Students” in Nigerian Tertiary Institutions

Lectures protest a new bill that provide for a 5 year jail term for lecturers who sexually assault (female) students.

Oga lecturer

A discussion with some of my male colleagues at work about this new bill opens other angles to this issue. Some are saying that female students sexually harass their lecturers through provocative dressing. In fact they argued that some female student’s dressing showing all their boobs, thighs and cleavage says i am available. I am even told that even heavy makeup and clean looking legs turns some men on. Does that mean that looking sexy might mean sending the wrong signal according to the men?

I am presuming that this protest by lecturers has to do with the fear that now that female students and parent can take legal action against lecturers whom they believe is guilty of sexual harassment, some lecturers might be victimized.

My angle on this matter:
I find it funny that lecturers are protesting a bill that seeks to punish assault against female students sexually. Are they claiming that they are the victims here? I mean many female students have been victims of sexual assault from male lecturers for as long as i can remember. There are many stories of female students who get an extra year or two simply because they refused to give in to the sexual yearnings of their lecturers. Interestingly too the boy friends of such girls also get the hammer. They also fail because they are the wall between the lecturer and his dream sexual exploit.

So i say this bill is a great step in the right direction for unwilling female students who refuse to sleep with their lecturers just to be in his good favor/pass their exams.

Listening to the news paper dailies this morning i listened to how some lecturers in the bid to prevent the bill from been passed said that “Universities have a way of handling sexual assault offend cases and that should be enough”?! Seriously i find the whole thing humorous…hee…heee as we say sometimes “I laugh in French”.

A peep into the bill:

“An educator shall be guilty of committing an offence of sexual harassment against a student if he/she has sexual intercourse with a student.

“He or she shall be guilty if he has sexual intercourse with a student or demands for sex from a student or a prospective student as a condition to study in an institution.

“He or she shall be guilty if he has sexual intercourse with a student or demands for sex from a student or a prospective student as a condition to the giving of a passing grade.

“ He or she shall be guilty if he solicits sex from or makes sexual advances at a student when the sexual solicitation or sexual advances result in an intimidating, hostile or offensive environment for the student.

“He or she shall be guilty if he directs or induces another person to commit any act of sexual harassment under this Act, or cooperates in the commission of sexual harassment by another person.

“He or she shall be guilty if he grabs, hugs, rubs or strokes or touches or pinches the breasts or hair or lips or hips or buttocks or any other sensual part of the body of a student.

“He or she shall be guilty if he displays, gives or sends by hand or courier or electronic or any other means naked or sexually explicit pictures or videos or sex related objects to a student.

“He or she shall be guilty if he whistles or winks at a student or screams or exclaims or jokes or makes sexually complimentary or uncomplimentary remarks about a student’s physique,”(Culled from Premium Times Nigeria)

Seriously Now

Lecturers are made up of the female and male gender and this bill mentions that both gender could be the culprit. In other words even female lecturers are not allowed to sexually harass male students. Do female lecturers also harass male students? Ok maybe i don’t know but i am aware that it will be in a subtle manner which does not still excuse such act.

The crux of the matter is this lecturers should design a means of maintaining their integrity. The way i see it if you have not been guilty of sexually harassing students before and principled, you have nothing to fear about this bill. The sledge hammer will only come down on the guilty. And seriously students know lecturers who are principled and should not be messed with.

And to our female students just because there is a bill now protecting you, it doesn’t mean you can now walk all over your lecturers. If you use this an opportunity to blackmail, it will come back to hunt you. And ladies dress like you want to be addressed!!

The moral behind this is that every man must learn to exercise self discipline and control especially when you are in a position of authority. Because the people under you are put there in trust- Damola Tinubu

As a lecturer  students are under your tutelage in trust!

Photo Credit: Oga Lecturer

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Imagine a World without Music- Make Music Lagos

Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent- Victor Hugo

Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness- Maya Angelou

Ah, music, he said wiping his eyes, a magic beyond all we do here! J.K Rowling, Harry Potter, and the sorcerers stone

Music lightens and makes my world spin nicely. Music is heaven on earthAdebisi Adetunji

I am amazed at what my sister, her husband (Adeola & Tayo Akinyemi) and their team are doing…its a huge step for them as for the first time Nigeria is on the list of countries making music to celebrate the world Music day. Its free Admission for all, music artist coming are all volunteers…great people with a heart to make music and just have a nice day and evening with everyone.

This post is my own little contribution to this event…spreading the word about #MakeMusicLagos

Celebrate world music day in grand style…make music wherever you are and if you are in Lagos here is one place you need to be…

Showgear on-line presents Make Music Lagos on World Music Day 21st June 2016. Featuring notable artist in the Nigerian music industry
Cobhams, Make Music Cobhams

Tosin Martins, Tim Dakolo, Boomsha,

Olufunmi

Make Music Olufunmi

DJ Mordu, Wura Samba, Mike Aremu and many more
Taking place at E-Centre Yaba (11-4pm), Muri Okunola Park (4pm – 9pm)
http://www.makeMusicLagos.org.ng

Have a fabulous music day!!!

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Women and Girls refugees; what they go through

Many women and girls who have gone through war situations find themselves in refugee camps as their male counterparts. REFUGEES

These camps are suppose to be a safe haven from the horrors of war but it opens a new door of  terror to women and girls. They have to contend with physical abuse, sexual assault and violence.

JAMAM, SOUTH SUDAN - JULY 15:  Sudanese refugees wait in line to board a truck heading to Batil refugee camp July 15, 2012 in Jamam camp, South Sudan. Up to 16,000 refugees are in the process of being  moved due to flooding in the camp as the rainy season continues. Jamam refugee camp is approximately 80k from the North Sudan border. There are currently three refugee camps in the Upper Nile area housing 107,000 refugees from the Engassana region.  South Sudan recently celebrated it's first independence anniversary. Over the past year repeated conflict with North Sudan, corruption scandals and economic difficulties have plagued the new country. Further problems caused by the shutdown of its oil production have led to a sharp decline in its currency and a rise in the price of food and fuel. South Sudan is one of the most underdeveloped countries in the world. (Photo by Paula Bronstein/Getty Images)
JAMAM, SOUTH SUDAN – JULY 15: Sudanese refugees wait in line to board a truck heading to Batil refugee camp July 15, 2012 in Jamam camp, South Sudan. (Photo by Paula Bronstein/Getty Images)

Refugee 3

Many horrible stories are untold. As we celebrate another world refugee day let us speak as one voice against every assault and violence against women in refugee camps.

Women and girls can be safer in refugee camps by segregating facility use between men and women. How  can refugee camps be made safer for all? Share your thoughts

Photo Credits: CNN (1), Sudan Tribune (2), Daily Mail (3)

Adebisi Adetunji (C)