Hmmm… This Story Touched me… It just might Save Your Marriage

MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS .………..A friend posted on my whatsapp and I simply want to share it with you.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know crewhat I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? You know

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Remember love is the richest of all treasures. Without it there is nothing; and with it there is everything. Love never perishes , even if the bones of a lover are ground fine like powder. Just as the perfume of sandalwood does not leave it, even if it is completely ground up, similarly the basis of love is the soul, and it is indestructible and therefore eternal. Beauty can be destroyed , but not love.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Dorathy’s Story – Promoting Women’s Health through Family Planning #getittogether

A friend of mine Dorathy (Not real name) has two boys. Often when we talked she admired my little girl and really desired to have a baby girl, someone she could dot on. A girl she could take to the salon to make her hair, fix all sorts of colorful ribbons and hair extension. We would often laugh about this.

Dorathy my friend soon got pregnant again and we were all very excited about this new baby but it would turn out to be a turbulent pregnancy. She was in and out of the hospital and almost lost her life. Dorathy had to undergo a Caesarean section. As soon as she was delivered of her baby Dorothy got a family planning method done. When I asked her if she still had plans to have more babies in the future she vehemently rejected the idea, saying that she wants to be well and alive to care for her children.

Every time I see my friend Dorathy she looks chicky, young, alive and beautiful! She has time to pursue her dreams and handle her business. Her boys are doing well too.

Family Planning helped my friend to handle the fear of getting pregnant again after an eventful pregnancy.
How Family Planning can help promote a woman’s health
• She can rest in between births. This allows her to recuperate properly before getting pregnant again.
• A woman/her family can choose to have babies when they are ready.
• Family planning gives a mother the time needed to care for and nurture her baby as she doesn’t have to face the challenge of been pregnant while still nursing a 3 -6months old baby. This can be emotionally and physically draining for her, her baby and the family.
• Family Planning is one sure way of saying “I have enough children”. This means that a woman can stop having children if she is satisfied with the number she has while still in her reproductive years.
• When a woman keeps having children with barely enough time in between births she cannot pursue her dreams and goals. With family planning, a woman can meaningfully contribute economically to her family and the society.

A healthy woman, a productive woman
A healthy woman, a happy woman
A healthy woman, a more relaxed and beautiful woman
Family Planning promotes women’s health and wellbeing.

Adebisi Adetunji(C)

Meet Temi Olajide – Business Consultant, Productivity Strategist & Coach for Women

Temi, Studied chemistry at the university of Ilorin and performed brilliantly so much that she was encouraged to become a lecturer.  Temi instead went further to get certification in project management ; Introduction to media and journalism in London school of media and journalism; and Diploma in graphic design. Temi has also taken many short courses in business management.

Now she runs her own businesses and their family business in partnership with the love of her life(Husband).

A peep into her businesses

Temi: I run an initiative called Dreamwithtemi – The Chicmumpreneurs Academy, where I teach and empower busy mums who want to start or grow a business along the home-front to achieve business and life success .

I also run an Online makeup school as a side business to also teach and empower women to learn how to “do it yourself”. This helps women to save money while looking glam all the time on their own terms.

How did you get here

Temi: I started doing business while in school and had plans to work for myself after graduation. When I got married our families adviced that I get a job while my husband runs his business so I got a job with a bank. Working in the corporate world enabled me gather some experience and I later resigned to join my husband in running our busines. This enables me to manage my time and my home well.

How long have you been running your business with your husband
Temi: I’m married to my best friend of 17yrs,  Olawale Olajide , a lawyer and entrepreneur . We are blessed with two beautiful children. We’ve being running our family business officially for about 12years now, though we’ve been doing small businesses alongside for about 16years after we started dating in school.We try as much as possible not to allow our emotions and relationship as a couple get in the way of our business.

Has is it been easy running a business as a couple

Temi: It was very challenging at the beginning but we’ve been able to put all that aside and work with each other’s strength and it gets better now each day.
What else do you do

Temi: I  blog on http://www.urbanfixmakeupacademy.com/blog under dreamwithtemi umbrella on women related topics, but haven’t done so in a while since I began to do videos.

Lifes Motto – You can only experience true happiness and fulfillment when you discover and run with your purpose.

What is your best meal

Temi: My best meal is Eba and vegetable soup, but I can actually eat it with any soup even ordinary stew, Lol.

Social media handles
http://www.urbanfixmakeupacademy.com/onlineschool
Instagram- http://www.instagram.com/dreamwithtemi
http://www.instagram.com/urbanfixmakeupacademy

I met Temi at a training and she is an interesting personality with so much to offer women about how to succeed even as mums

Adebisi Adetunji(C)

Movie Review: The Wedding Party – Its dramatic, a power tussle and Love saga

Finally, I got around to watching this much talked about the movie which started showing in the cinemas in December 2016. The Wedding Party is a Nigerian romantic and comedy movie. It is dramatic, funny, a power tussle between two wealthy families and a love saga as well.

If you are a Nigerian this movie reminds you of when you first introduced your intended who happens to be from another culture to your parents!!! This can sometimes meet with resistance.

If you are from across the globe The Wedding Party showcases the cultural side of a typical Nigerian marriage. We like our wedding party/ceremony to be big with your whole village clan, family, and friends in attendance. Apart from this expect the “Mo gbo, mo yaa (Uninvited guests who are not related or known to the couple or even their family members). They are the gate crashers.

In Nigeria when you print a 100 wedding invitation cards plan for 300 guests. Yes, o…for example if you invite me and my husband we will bring our children and also neighbors who might be less busy on your wedding day and whom you don’t know. In the movie, you are definitely going to see gate crashers.

The Wedding Party is the love story of a young couple who struggle to get the approval of the groom’s mother. They also had to contend with former girlfriends of the groom as well. The story all happens in one day from the morning of the wedding to the reception where the bride takes off because of a shocking betraying revelation.

Meanwhile, the bride and groom’s parents also have secrets of their own. The bride’s father is broke and hadn’t paid for the cake wedding and other food items meant for the wedding but his wife thinks they have got what it takes to show her proud son-in-law’s mother that they were rich as well.

The groom’s parents are struggling with their marriage and for many years they haven’t been able to fix it. These secrets spilled out when the two families are held at gunpoint by an “area boy” who had earlier sneaked into the wedding reception. Tempers flared between the families and they soon found out that the only way they were going to save themselves was to work as a team.

The Wedding Party ends on a note of hope and reconciliation. A fantastic love story of the young and the old the Nigerian way.

Lessons
– No matter how old your marriage becomes you need to keep love alive.
– Stop taking one another for granted.
– Fix the problem quickly before it becomes a mighty ocean that will eventually drown you all.
– Remember to say I love you often
– Stay faithful to your partner
– Mistakes happen, fix it don’t repeat it.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Stop! Don’t End it All…Winning Against Depression…It is Possible

Something mind boggling has been happening: in the past few days, the news reported about four different attempts by four individuals to commit suicide. There are many hypotheses about what could have made these individuals to end their lives ranging from failure of exam perhaps for the student victim; business gone sour, loss of money, depression to even the idea of blaming witches for hypnotizing them. Whatever the reasons are no human being should end it that way…Life is precious and is a gift.

Depression is usually triggered by an unexpected life crisis/event. It affects the mood, thoughts, and activities.

It is said that more women are likely to experience depression than women. Partly responsible is women’s biological experiences with menstruation cycle, pregnancy, menopause and more.  There is need to understand what depression is; its signs and symptoms in order to be able to deal with it. I am not medical personal but as a human being and social worker, I want to speak from my heart that it is possible to win the battle over depression.
So before defining what depression is; its signs and symptoms and how to get the help I want to start with words of hope:

You can handle Depression
 Understand that you are not alone in this challenge. There are people who are going through the same things you are going through. With the right treatment, they are coping and living normal lives. Many have overcome their depression.

Whatever you are going through is for a season. You can come through even stronger and better.

When one door closes always remember that another will open

If you are depressed because you are in debt hey it is not the end of the world. Understand that you can get out of that debt and you will as you take things one day at a time. Look for options and ways you can begin to reasonable pay back at your pace.

If your partner or spouse cheated on you, it is not the end of the world and it is not your fault. It is he/she’s loss. Your life matters not because he or she is in it but because you are worth loving, so love yourself and move on.

If you are battling with a long term illness, remember today is another day that you are alive. Concentrate on happy thoughts and moments in your life and know that you are strong and can come through.

Don’t follow through with that suicide thought. You are important, you are loved, and there is so much more you can achieve with your life. Suicide is an attempt to end one’s life. Suicide is an attempt to end one’s life. Your life matters!!

So let’s get down to what Depression is, signs/symptoms:

Depression is a downward feeling that drags on for a very long time.
A feeling of loneliness, worthlessness.
A state of giving up hope.
A state of being that believes the worst has happened and cannot be remedied.
A feeling that can trigger withdrawal from normal activities.
A feeling that wants to shut out help from others.
A feeling of hopelessness.
A feeling that says you don’t really matter anymore, give up.
Thoughts of wanting to hurt yourself.
Thoughts of death and suicide.

Causes of Depression:
• Loss of a job
• Loss of a loved one
• Failing an exam as a student
• Bankruptcy
• Lack of money
• Serious medical condition

How to get help if you are depressed
• Visit and speak with your family doctor.
• Talk to someone about your issues or what you are feeling ( Friend, spouse, parent, teacher) Anyone you trust.
• Speak to a counselor or social worker
• Talk to your pastor or religious leader
• Engage in interesting and relaxing activities such as sports, going to the cinema in the company of friends, attending parties( weddings, birthdays, house warming etc) like in Nigeria we like partying.
• See your psychologist or Psychiatrist ( it doesn’t mean that you are mentally incapable as culture tends to stigmatize such persons in some places).

Whatever you do fight this thing call depression, you can do it!

Photo Credit: Pinterest.com

NOTE: If you need someone to share your thoughts with…reach me via my email…bisimodupe1975@gmail.com. Together we can support each other. Loads of love from my heart.

Adebisi Adetunji(C)

Interesting Take Away from the training “Effective Family Planning Projection on Social Media” Presentation by Mrs Stella Akinso

Family Planning is having children by choice not by chance.

Data/Statistics of maternal deaths is not just figures…these are real people…human beings.

Family Planning is able to prevent 40% of maternal mortality. Women of reproductive age at high birth risks include:
• Those who get pregnant too early in age.
• Giving birth at very short intervals
• Too old an age

Government and policy makers need to wake up and take necessary action to end maternal and child mortality. Family planning is key to the sustainable millennium goals.

It is time to stop the lines – “Only 1 woman/person died”. No woman should have to die giving life to another.

OUR Population is multiplying and not just doubling in Nigeria. We should ask ourselves do we have resources to cater for our increasing population? 2 million youths get churned out into the labor market every year and there are no jobs!

Family planning is not saying don’t have children but have only the number you can cater for. Men need to get more involved in making an informed choice about family planning for their family.

Benefits of Family Planning
• More working-age people supporting few number of children
• Access to sex education and contraceptive
• Slow population growth
• Results in better breastfeeding as the mother can give enough time for proper care of the baby without having a too early pregnancy.

How a young person should refuse sexual advances: Communicate NO properly. Use your facial expression, hands and tone of voice to say NO. If the other person insists on touching you inappropriately push if you have to and walk away…Don’t be passive and stand there…WALK AWAY.

Stella Akinso is the State Team Leader for Nigerian Urban Health Initiative 2, Oyo.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Guest Interview : Toyin Odedele-Odugbesan (WhatsupIbadan) / CEO Geomeridien

At an on-going training for Social Media Bloggers on Effective Family Planning Projection organized by DEVCOMS NETWORK, I met this fantastic Lady doing great things.

Her story is real, funny and inspiring for every woman out there and even men.

I will sum up her story with these words:

Where you think there is nothing, therein lies your future

Toyin Odedele-Odugbesan is the co-founder of a blog platform named: WhatsupIbadan where she works alongside her husband as Marketing manager. Toyin is also the CEO Geomeridien travel and tours business intertwined with community service.

How did she get here?
Toyin was offered a Diploma admission into the Olabisi Onabanjo University in Ogun State Nigeria to study Transport and Management. It was not what her heart was set on doing but you know how parents will want their child to start any available course instead of waiting at home to write JAMB again. This will mean another year of wait.

Toyin’s words: My first thought when I was offered this course (Transport & Management) was the “Agberos”(Bus conductors) or at best a Taxi Cab driver. For like three months I didn’t attend classes.

It was like she had been sentenced to the worst kind of course which had no future prospect little did she know that therein laid her dream career ticket.

Bisi: So what changed things for you?
Toyin: My first-semester result was bad. I barely passed, this woke me up. I, therefore, determined to study hard. As time passed by and I came to a realization that transportation covered is a wide field and offers me an array of career opportunities. I found out that there were different categories of transport such as Land, Air, Water, Cargo to Ship. I discovered that I could work in Customs service, VIO, Ministry of works and transport, tourism and much more. Soon I fell in love with my course.

Initially, she thought of studying Economics at the BSc level after finishing her diploma instead she went further with a degree in Transport and Management.

Bisi: What happened after your first degree?
Toyin: The Tourism aspect of my course struck me most and it became my passion this led me to do a Masters in Tourism and Hospitality Management in India.

Bisi: What did it feel like studying in a foreign country?
Toyin: At first it was difficult adjusting to the new culture. I found my way gradually and began to mingle. Where I come from we greet everyone but I noticed people kept to themselves. I started to take the initiative to say hello to people I meet every day from the security man to the gadner and my schoolmates too. People began to warm up to me. Over there in India far away from home, I engaged in community service visiting Orphanage homes and even organized a summer event that brought rich and poor children’s children together. This I did in collaboration with my colleagues in school, lecturers who bought into our idea. It was a rich rewarding and fulfilling time.

Bisi: When did you start your business?
Toyin: All these community service activities inspired me to start my Travels and Tours business back in India even as a student. Now we are also here in Nigeria. Our business name is Geomeridien Travels & Tours.

Bisi: So what is next for you?
Toyin: I continue to look for ways I can reach out more to my communities and make a difference.

Bisi: Your Life’s Motto/Inspiration

Toyin: What you give to life is what life gives back to you.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Dear Diary…The Soup thief was caught But a threat is under way…TBEE Writes #18

 

Dear diary,
The thief that stole I and Lizzy’s pot of soup has finally been caught! Heehee…she is going to pay for it. Was it our hatched plan of getting her caught that did the magic? Yes we had intended to set a trap for the thief but as providence would have it she was caught right in the act stealing another person’s pot of jollof rice. You won’t believe who this thief is…It is the “effizy” and popular girl Romoke who behaved like her parents owned all the money in the world. Romoke carries herself like she didn’t even visit the toilet like the rest of us (Pardon me if I caused you to squeeze your face). Her fake shakara has caught up with her. Why couldn’t she make her own meals from the big monies she always talked about? If she can’t cook at least she could at least hire someone or buy from the bukas or restaurants in the school.
It was a big disgrace to have been caught like that. Now, am I sure Romoke was the one who stole our pot of soup? Well she is the only one that has been caught so she is the prime suspect in any other food theft. As far as I am concerned she will pay for my pot of soup…very costly one at that!

Apart from the saga with Romoke, DT my boyfriend now knows about Dr. Bosun’s new found idea that I accompany him as his P.A to a presentation. I thought he would hit the roof but he took the matter calmly. In fact he even said that I should go with him to the presentation and that he would be watching my back. My own plan is to fane that I am sick when the day finally arrives. DT smiled and told me that I should simply play along and that if Dr. Bosun tries anything his boys will be waiting. Now, this got me worried. “I don’t want anybody getting hurt DT”, I said. He smiled and told me that they will only teach him a lesson for daring to harass me his girlfriend. I tried to tell him that he and I could get into serious trouble with this his plan. DT had this wicked smile on his face which made me to wonder again about what I really knew about my boyfriend. Anyway we chatted about other things and thought of going out on a special date. This made me happy and I felt special but there was this knot in my stomach. Something is not adding up.

After DT left I got a call from Peter my class governor again. This is beginning to become a habit. He said he just wanted to know how I was feeling about the Dr. Bosun’s matter. I told him that I was ok then he quickly added that he hadn’t been seeing me at the school chapel for services. Peter is beginning to sound like my parents. “I go when I have time”, I said. He gently encouraged me to try and make it on Sunday. Hmmm, Peter the evangelist, I said and we both busted out laughing. We said our goodbyes and then I lay on my bed suddenly comparing Peter with DT, I mean in terms of how they handled Issues. I sighed and prayed that this matter of Dr. Bosun will not spiral into something out of control. I just want to graduate from the university in one peace.
Good night dear diary.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)