Woman to Woman Talk #2 : Would You Move in with him without Family Consent and Payment of your Bride Price?

A story comes to mind when I started to write this post. A lady fell in love and moved in to begin to live with her boyfriend or fiance not sure of how they actually defined that relationship.

They got comfortable living together and soon were expecting a baby? So exciting it was for them. This relationship seemed intact until a few years, I think the child was by then 2years old. Suddenly the young man found other interests. He became tired of this lady.

What I find annoying was that he sent her away pregnant with another baby(a set of twin this time). She couldn’t bring the matter before his family nor hers for their intervention. Why? Because according to the tradition and culture they had gotten married without the consent of their parents. And no bride price had been paid on her as is the practice. There were no wedding ceremony witnesses whether traditionally or in the church. There was no legal wedding in a court of law which could have at least given her some rights and protection.

She was left in the cold and alone with the love of her life gone with the wind. I am not judging this woman but I couldn’t help but feel her pain. And I wondered if things could have been different.

Let’s now face this issue head On:
Moving in with a guy in the name of love is one thing but hey protect yourself, woman. Although I believe in zipping up and waiting until the knot is tied. After all, it’s a commitment of a lifetime and why steal the meat you will enjoy for a long time… Anyway Get him to marry you properly as we say in Africa if you intend to settle down with him.

How to Protect yourself from being heartbroken:

Don’t pack your things and go live with a man washing his clothes, cooking and slaving away like a house maid and all the while thinking you are just being a Wife material.
He will soon lose respect for you and probably look for the woman that keeps him in good suspense.

Recognize and Waka pass(run away from) that old line… I love you and will soon meet your parents to ask for your hand in marriage. One year down the line he still hasn’t had the time to show you anyone from his family not to talk of meeting yours.

Sister be wise and get the message : you are not what he wants. Let it not be his wedding I.V to another woman that will wake you up.

Never let anything pressure you to settle for just anything in the name of I love him…or oh, my friends are getting married so I must join the bandwagon. 

Let your love eyes wear Googles o… In front and back if possible.

Bottom line, add common sense to this love matter and wanting to settle down in a marriage relationship.

And seriously lady you are worth waiting for and fighting for. Don’t sell yourself short.

Things do happen in a marriage relationship that family intervention will make a huge difference especially with our African way of doing things. Sometimes when a man is beginning to misbehave his family members can call him to order because they asked for the girl’s hand in marriage and did that which is expected traditionally.

And on a lighter note when your man remembers how your hefty brothers hold you their sister in high esteem your man will think twice before laying a hand on you to hurt you physically 😀

Ladies shine your eyes o…And wait patiently. Let him marry you properly or else take a walk. Someone is just around the corner waiting to go all the way for you. 

Adebisi Adetunji (C)


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