Woman to Woman Talk#5 – Se Onje Ni? Is it Food? What…SEX

Now don’t let this post’s title confuse you simply hear me out on this matter. And seriously you are welcome to air your views and opinion on the matter even men. Yes …Men say your mind o I know you are stealing a look at this out of curiosity. Happy to have you read.

Ladies especially my Yoruba sisters you must be familiar with the phrase “Se ounje ni”? Hun…hun Is sex food? Many times during women gisting time you hear all kinds of stuff about what’s up in the bedroom between them and their husbands. Lots of laughter and chuckling when you hear stories…I mean me and my Girls talk now.

Often on a particular morning, evening or afternoon, a woman turns down/off her husband’s sleek move to have sex. “I am tired”; you pissed me off”; “I am not happy right now about something not necessarily about you, my partner…something is on my mind”. These and many more issues make a woman not be in the mood for sex.

For our men, sex is seriously food o 😀. When a man becomes cranky about everything around the house hmmm madam has not cooperated in bed niyen o! (Chuckling).

Do women enjoy sex all the time with their spouse, certainly not. I am curious if you are a man in what instances don’t you enjoy sex with your wife?

Now to my dear sisters…heee get it now sex is not only for procreation. What happens when those children leave home and they will! Sex is meant to help foster intimacy between husbands and wives. I mean that is one of the major reasons we marry now …from my church mind point of view… “Honour the marriage bed”…meaning no sex before marriage. So girl if you both have been waiting all your life to consummate your union, to finally be free…why deny each other? Why deny him?

Some women may not enjoy sex because they have no proper orientation about it or have had a bad experience. Sex is not meant for only men to enjoy. It for is for both of you to enjoy therefore learn the art by reading good healthy, books not Pornography o! You can also engage in a discussion with older couples who sabi the thing *wink*

And seriously men you need to slow down for us your wives if you are reading this. Take the time to caress her, learn the art and let her enjoy it too. It is not all about you just achieving ejaculation and that’s all.
My dear woman, when it comes to sex it is  not just about your mood, be available and prepare your mind ahead knowing that “Bros”  can suddenly initiate action.

And this one: stop using sex as a punishment weapon for your husband abeg!!! You put yourself under lock and key for 6 months, 1year, 2 years and you are wondering why your man has eyes elsewhere. For God’s sake how will that marriage work? I know marriage is not all about sex, I mean there is so much else about it to make it work. But stop complicating your life and blaming someone else when trouble comes.

I am not always in the mood but I learn to work around it with my husband. If night time will not work then early in the morning is a good time before getting out of bed. And who says you can’t initiate sex with your man! I beg spice up your marriage. Remember sex is food for men o(metaphorically very important and a necessity) …that is how they are wired.

Understand What Sex means to men:
Sex means “She loves me” – This is why a guy is dating you and he is thinking of when action will happen. And unfortunately some ladies have fallen for the lines: “If you love me you would…”, “Show me you love me”. Be careful girl don’t let someone use and dump you. Waiting is worth it.
Sex is a pressure release for men o: If a man has had a busy long hard day he wants to unwind and relax through sex. And I know women when we are tired it is a “Please leave me alone”! We have to find a way around that o as we cannot be tired every day. May God help our men to be sensitive and understanding too some times.

One thing you need to do to enjoy sex with your spouse:
Talk about your sex life with your husband. Tell him what you want and enjoy. Initiate it and don’t be shy about it. This will help you both to better understand and satisfy each other. We do that in my house o. At first “the husband” will be frowning when I turn him down but we had to talk about it and decided what works for us both. We are still growing and learning.

Sometimes be satisfied in the fact that your partner gets to release the pressure and hold you now *wink*. Seriously it is not every time that you will experience orgasm. Enjoy the opportunity to curdle at least… It is a whole learning process and it is continuous.

I do not claim to be an expert on this issue but simply creating a platform of discussion. I am just a sister wanting you to enjoy your intimacy life with your spouse.

If you don’t mind let’s talk about this. How do you make it work even when you are not in the mood?

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

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4 thoughts on “Woman to Woman Talk#5 – Se Onje Ni? Is it Food? What…SEX

  1. I agree with you. Sex is the only thing that is exclusively shared with you and him. It’s not like dinner, outings, activities that every one can participate. It is the only true time that you have each other to yourselves, exclusively, each others full attention, if you think about it. Sex should only be used as a weapon if it is for the happiness, not a punishment. This creates resentment on both sides. I always tell my friends when they say to me well if I am mad, he can forget sex. Really? So, your going to punish yourself too? I can be spitting mad at hubby and still have sex with him, not going to punish myself just because we might be disagreeing 😉 I found it helps with the disagreement too because he always seems to see my point of view much better LOL afterward. Sex doesn’t have to be a household chore, like cleaning and laundry. It can be a true bonding, loving, FUN experience. It is how we view it. I think society has made the rules, that sex is for men, a duty for the wife, and we fell into the trap to believe that. If hubbys also have fell into that trap, they will soon change that perspective with some, um, sensual encouragement(if that is the right words) They will want to be the best at it, pleasing, if they are encouraged. What man doesn’t want to be the best lover on the planet LOL

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