Feeling a Little Under the Weather… Cheer up, Its going to be OK.

Thank God it’s Friday. I have been pressed for time putting together programs to be submitted for broadcast during my fours weeks vacation. Putting pen to paper or typing any words to post on my blog is like a luxury. I hope to have plenty of time to do that during my time away from office work… Hmmmn… Am I not supposed to be on vacation?! 😀

Today I am feeling a little under the weather and moody too but I did manage to get out of bed and go to work. After chatting with friends and colleagues and friends at work I kind of feel better.

There will be moody days
There will be days when you are feeling sick.
There will be days when you just wish but your wish is really not ready to show up.
There will be slow days.
Hey, it will be OK again. You will pull through.

Loads of love from me.
Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Woman to Woman Talk #12 – Are You Emotionally Strong? How to Prevent Getting Hurt

Yeah… It is that time again when we talk about our own matter as women.

A story that mirrors what I want to talk about comes to mind. It was back in my day at the university there was this lady from church that I know. I will call her Martha. She had this gloomy air around her all the time. Martha had this sad face and she was rarely friendly with people. Everyone was like, “what is this woman’s problem?! Including yours sincerely, me. So we avoided her as best as we could but after a while I was curious so I started to investigate her issue… Call it Aproko or being nosey. I simply had to know and in my detective work 😁 *wink* I found out that Martha had been jilted by a guy whom she thought was serious about settling down to a life time commitment in marriage with her.

Martha was hurting I could see and I empathized with her seriously. Here is the real gist:

Her Prince charming had been dotting on her taking her out on a number of dates. Martha assumed that all the time spent together in each other’s company meant that he really wanted to be with her. One day this man showed up with a wedding card invitation! Martha’s world spun and she was devastated. Her man was only enjoying her company but never wanted it to go beyond this.
His defense was this “But I never proposed marriage to you”. But he had been eating good home made meals at her place. He had also been taking her out to eateries and everyone thought they were an item together before he dropped the bomb shell of not been interested.

The crux of the matter here lady: You have to be emotionally smart! If a guy possibly even your very good friend begins to spend more time than necessary with you then you need to ask point blank, where the relationship is going. Define such a relationship so you don’t get your high hope of having found love dashed.

You have to be emotionally smart!

So lady, do not allow your emotions to overrule good judgment. Protect yourself by being emotionally intelligent. I am not saying you should not have friends or be too defensive when dealing with men in your life. Be friendly but wise. Stop wearing your heart on your sleeve. Don’t jump to a conclusion that the guy who is doting all over you really wants to take the relationship further.

Don’t jump to a conclusion that the guy who is doting all over you really wants to take the relationship further.

And you need to understand that some men test the waters. By this I mean they have you and probably two or three other ladies in mind… Not funny but it happens.

In case your heart has been broken once or more times than you can count hey hugs from me. You will rise and find love again. Do not stop your life because of a heart break. Cry and allow yourself to heal.

Your scars should not keep hurting you for the rest of life. Let them be a reminder of how you have grown and become better.
Your scars can lead to good and great testimonies.

Loads of love to every woman/Lady hurting.

Photo Credit: The Single Woman Blog(Heart Broken by – Mandy Hale

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Sights from – A Yoruba Traditional Wedding – Congratulations Oyinkansola Ajayi

A Guest post contributor, Oyinkansola Peter-Ajayi to femininematerz celebrated her traditional wedding a few days ago. A big congratulations to a dear sister! God bless your new home and family

Here is a link to one of her post : What is the connection between yellow fever and bleaching

    Oyinkansola and heartthrob cutting the engagement cake



Groom and friends prostrate in honor to the brides family.
Bride – Oyinkansola is ushered in with music.
Bride & Mother (Olukemi Ajayi – Ace Broadcaster)
Mother of the bride ushered in dancing with friends.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Woman to Woman Talk #11 – Step up Your Game – Staying Healthy & Clean

Well hello there…How has your life been? What have you been up to lately? I totally hope and pray that your life has been easy…hmmmn it might be really tough now with all you have to joggle. Some things are just out of our control but wherever your life is at right now, hey it can be better. So take one day at a time; one moment at a time.

My crux of the matter today is simply about how to maintain a healthy life style, a clean and tidy living environment. It starts with taking care of your body. Besides taking your bath how else can you take care of your body?

I know a lot of us ladies like to look prim, proper and beautiful after all looks are everything to a woman. Now some ladies don’t really care about all that make up stuff. They just want to maintain a simple outlook so they go for easy to wear stuff but girl you need to pep up your appearance sometimes. A good massage, full makeover, a new dress and shoe is definitely a nice way of treating yourself special.

 Lady you need to pay attention to been clean inside and out.

Tips for maintaining good body hygiene and cleanliness
Take a shower not only in the mornings, when you get back from the day’s work is a good time to take a warm or cold bath whichever you prefer. It freshens you up and kind of like a massage to your aching and tired body. Then you are also able to get rid of dirt and sweat making you appealing to yourself and husband just in case some snuggling and intimacy thing will happen *wink*
Shave your armpit and vagina(some people like to trim instead). This makes it easy to wash off sweat and clean your private area. I know you use deodorant and roll-on but nothing better than good old water and soap after which you can now apply all the nice scent products.
Wash off your make up before you go to bed.
Wash your underwears and keep them clean. 1) Please wear a different under pant for each day. It is easy for guys/men to wear a boxer for one week without washing it. It is a no…no…no for a woman or lady. This is because we have slight discharge apart from our menstrual blood flow. You are playing with infection from germs. 2) Wash your brazier and inner wear often. Don’t wear your brazier for a month before remembering to wash it, that is simply unhygienic and unhealthy.
Wash your clothes. learn to do some of your laundries yourself or hire someone to do it if you can afford it.

Tips for maintaining a clean and healthy living environment
• Sweep and mop the floor.
• Stop leaving dirty plates and pots in the sink. To save yourself the stress of washing a whole stack learn to clean up immediately after cooking. When you are done eating wash your plates immediately and get everyone in your house to wash their plates immediately after use especially your children. Sometimes “the husband” too should help with the dishes especially our African men …Lol
• Have a laundry basket where everyone throws their dirty clothes instead of littering your room and everywhere in the house with worn clothes.
• Have a day to do your washing don’t just keep post phoning.
Your sitting room should also be comfortable and clean. If you are nursing a baby do not allow him/her to pee on the couch. You are not going to like the odor and oozing smell that will greet you afterward if this continues. In case it does happen that your baby pees, or spills food on your couch, clean with soap and water using a sponge or an old cloth material. This will help clean up nicely and leave your couch odorless.
• Now bathrooms and toilets are very important. Keep it clean starts with you flushing after every use whether it is minor or major, by that I mean after urinating or pooping. Wash your toilets and bathrooms at least once a week. Keep the floors free of water by mopping every time water pours on the floor.
Bedrooms and wardrobe: Make your bed as soon as you get up(An advice I need myself as my husband is the one who cannot stand an unmade bed) He actually makes it on our behalf, lucky me. 🙂 Arrange your wardrobe every now and then. Do not jumble dirty and clean clothes together; it will all begin to smell of sweat!

My point here is this woman:

Don’t just pay attention to looking speck and dashing on the outside; pay attention to cleanliness and staying healthy.

And my dear woman who wants to get married but does not like to clean or do house chores, think again o! You will have to do it anyhow because even if your man is a modern man who is so homely, he cannot handle all the work of managing and keeping your home clean.

Why learn how to manage and keep a home tidy and clean
• You and everyone in your family stay healthy.
• You are able to keep a safe environment where children and even you do not injure themselves for tripping over a wire or handling sharp objects for example.
It’s your home, make it comfortable and a place to come to for yourself and family members.
• Some marriages are in troubled waters because of the woman or “madam”, is simply not tidy and very dirty (Not trying to judge here).

Adebisi Adetunji(C)

You need to change to get your desired change – #Kick Starting Your Week

The change you desire requires a change of action.

You’ve got to do something new to get a new result…or at least do the old things better; Stop been afraid to step out.

If you want to get out of debt:
• You must start paying back having a regular payment plan.
• You need to spend within your earning are not over.
• You need to change your credit mentality.

If you want to move into a new job:
• Start searching for your options.
• Acquire skills and training to get you ready and equipped for that new place you envision.

If you want to start a new business:
• Research your field and know more about it.
• Learn from those who have gone ahead of you.
• Be an apprentice if you have to; learn from the mistakes of others

You desire to move from singlehood to been married/into a relationship leading to commitment:
•Are you getting better as a person? Work on being a better you.
• Learn more about what makes relationships/marriage work.
• Get out and be friendly not in a desperate way 🙂
• Come down from your very high standard that even you cannot measure up to.

You desire a better marriage:
• Be willing to give it more of your love, time and resources.
• Work on your annoying habits
• Be willing to forgive and let go.
• Be willing to say I am sorry when you are wrong.

You desire a new accommodation:
• Get out and search your options.
• Decide what you want.
• Plan and save for it.

If you do not change, nothing will change.

Change your position
Change the way you think
Change yourself by working on yourself
Change your plan of action
Move, move, don’t just sit down.

Adebisi Adetunji(C)

Water is Essential in Health Facilities – SafeMotherhood #6


I was at a Primary Health Center(PHC)  to join in on a community mobilization effort to sensitize people about Family Planning and its benefit to women’s health and poverty reduction organized by NURHI Ibadan. While the group gathered I decided to visit the toilet to ease the pressure in my bladder and I asked the nurse on duty to point me in the direction of the toilet. I  was told that there was no water and was advised to pee in the bush somewhere around the back of the health center outside. It wasn’t funny but I had to afterall I have been in rusettings before 😕

It is unthinkable to run a hospital with little or no water supply. Yet that is the case in many primary health centers serving communities in Nigeria. Having worked on a maternal and child health program (Abiye)  for more than five years now many of the PHC my team visited and worked with lack access to clean water. 

Imagine a pregnant woman in labor pains coming to deliver at a PHC where there is no water… 

A few PHC are lucky to have a well or get a bore hole sunk by philanthropist, politicians who need to shine. But most do not have access to clean water to attend to patients.
If there is no water in a facility patients and health workers alike are exposed to serious health hazards.

Water is necessary to keep a hospital environment clean and everyone in it safe and healthy. It’s availability enables constant washing of hands by health care providers to prevent spread of diseases; to have a clean toilet; to conduct surgeries and wash hospital equipments and basically keep the hospital facility clean.

How can we ensure that clean water is accessible to primary health centers? Who is responsible for providing water? What can communities do you help their PHCs access water?

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Woman to Woman Talk #10 – Empower Yourself by Working

What is Your View about Not Working as a Woman and the man pays all the bills?

Women stay at home not employed in a 9-5 job for various reasons. Some want to give time to nursing and caring for their babies and children until they are old enough. This is a great investment and noble role in my opinion.

A category of non- working mothers/women are the ones who do not engage in any business or at least a work from home kind of job because your Excellency the husband says he does not want them to work. The man is wealthy and has a good paying job so he believes he can take care of his wife and family. And my dear woman stays put waiting for her man to bring home the goodies every day. Fantastic but watch it!

Once upon a time, a rich man tells his wife to be a stay at home wife and allow him to take care of her every need. At first, she agreed but soon the entrepreneur in her woke up. She loved to bake and does catering job so she convinced him to allow her to start her own business. It was tough convincing him but she went ahead anyway. A few years down the line the men died and guess what? His family members came karting away all the man’s properties and estate. This dear woman only smiled as she was financially buoyant to care for herself and children. Her business had expanded and it was thriving well. Imagine if she had stayed at home doing nothing as his Excellency her husband wishes.

In case you are thinking this is far-fetched another couple’s story from a different angle might convince you. This time the man had a high paying job and they were really comfortable. However, he encouraged his wife to pursue her business dream and even invested money in helping her expand her business. A few years later he lost his job and this family survived for a season on the wife’s business before he got another job.

There are women who do not even want to work or do any business. This I find amusing and I also keep my fingers cross to see the day trouble will arrive at their door in the name of poverty/hard times. Some women are the ones stopping themselves from working or pursing any business goal and not their husbands. I know of men who set up their wife’s business several times as she keeps ruining it because she believes that there is enough money in his pocket to keep feeding them for a long time. Each time he invests in a business for her she sinks it through negligence and laziness.

Let me share a few things that could happen with that arrangement of not harnessing your skill or engaging in work:
You become frustrated having to depend on your man for every purchase and financial needs.
You lose your independence somehow.
The man soon becomes cranky having to deal with and give you money even for minute things. Soon he begins to lash out even when it is unintentional.
Tension over money matters.
If something goes wrong with your man’s business, job or source of income you are all in a BIG FINANCIAL MESS.

Benefit of Work to a Woman
Work for you as a woman goes beyond just earning money. It gives you a sense of fulfillment.
Work gives you a channel to use your skill and contribute your quota as a human being to society.
Work gives you an opportunity to make your dreams come true.

When I say work I do not necessarily mean an office job. Whatever you do using your talent, time and skills to make a living is your work.
So get off your butt and get to work. Do something Woman!

Adebisi Adetunji ©

Speeches & Sounds by “The Dew” – Catching them Young

I was part of a Speech and Sound competition for Students organized by Adewunmi Aluko, we call her “the Dew”. This dear friend and sister is passionate about helping young people to pronounce, speak boldly and correctly the English language. It is also aimed at boosting the self-confidence of children. For my dear friend the Dew, it is giving back to society using her skills as a speech coach, presenter and news reader. Now she wants to catch them young.

I was reminded of my vowel and consonant sounds today even as an adult. See the drama unfold as students tried to pronounce words and make sounds… Hehehe try me and you will understand that It is not easy o!
Kudos to all the participating schools and children. It was fun and intense.

Photos from the event which took place at the Institute of African Studies University of Ibadan:

American Christian Home School Students
Deril Academy School
Aunty Mary’s Head Start School.
Living Spring School
A cross section of students participating in the speeches & sound competition
Panel of Judges comprising of speech coaches & Quiz master: Earnest Odirri, Chinelo Obidike, wunmi Aluko.
Some of the school girls taking a selfie with Wunmi Aluko and me… Girl power!
Panel of judges – Stella Oyebanji, Ernest and Chinelo
We didn’t forget to take a selfie with the boys. They are very dear to our hearts too😀💓

Contact Wunmi Aluko for speech & sound training for students & teachers; for anyone or group who wishes to speak right and sound confident. 080126262814. 

Adebisi Adetunji(C)

Number Changes a Whole Lot – Why Population is Important #WPD #Nigeria

Number indeed changes a whole lot of things. To understand what I mean, I will use these illustrations:

1) If you have 25 people sitting in an 18 seat Bus that is called overloading. Continuous overloading of the same bus by the driver will eventually cause quick wear and tear problem. Seats in the bus will quickly get worn out and tear, the engine and other parts of the vehicle will soon give way under the pressure of carrying more than it can bear. Overloading will also slow down the car such that it cannot move at its maximum speed. If the driver decides to over speed with too many passengers or load in the bus an accident may occur.
2) In order for a company or organization to thrive and prosper the owner(s) must plan for the number of employees, they will need to engage their services. Such plans will include how much goes for salaries; office spaces to be provided, health insurance, housing, and other benefits to motivate staff; parking space and more. No wonder then that when a company is not doing well financially or becomes less productive staff is downsized. This, of course, leaves a number of people out of job. So many companies try to work within a budget and with the number of employees they can cope with.
3) In the instance of a country, a census is carried out to determine the number of her citizens in order to be able to budget, plan and allocate resources to make life easy for members of the society.

If the above illustrations are true why then do we think that A population is just a number and nothing more?!

The population (number of people) in a family, community, village, office, country matters. Why? Because population or our number determines how and whether we will enjoy our resources and live comfortably well at least to a reasonable extent. Our number determines the number of basic amenities be provided such as houses, roads and other infrastructure. It also determines the amount of food that is needed to feed everyone or else people will starve. The more the number, the more investments to be made in various sectors such as agriculture, education/schools, health care, social welfare, jobs etc. The cost of governance goes up with increasing population.

The point of population stabilization is to reduce or minimize misery – Roger Bengston

As we celebrate another world population day come 11th July 2017, let us take seriously the issue of our growing number. According to the report of the United Nation’s 2017 Revision of World Population Prospects, Nigeria is projected to overtake the United States in population by 2050. To get a clear picture check out this calculation:

The US has 50 states and its population is currently about 326 million and projects 402million by 2050. Nigeria with 36 states is estimated to be about 182million currently. If we are to overtake the US by 2050 it means we would have grown by more than 220million in 33years while the US will have grown by just 76million.

This means that we are growing at the speed of a jet as a DEVELOPING NATION WITH SO MUCH WE ARE DEALING WITH! Can you imagine what will happen then judging by our numerous existing problems highlighted below?!
Wake up, people!
Wake up Nigeria!

The national budget of Nigeria for 2017 sums up to about N7.44trillion still many people live below the international poverty line of 1.90 dollar a day. Salaries are owed workers in many states; health facilities are ill-equipped to cater for our beaming population. There are no chairs and tables to give students an enabling environment to learn in our public schools; lecturers in higher institutions are more on strike than in school because they want to be better enumerated and also demand that world class facilities be provided in their institutions. Students also go on protests over demands for more hostels and classrooms to be built, hike in school fees. Many young people graduate every year than the labor market can handle. Our aging population is increasing every year as life expectancy is now improved. There are more dependants than the working class/those contributing to the economy. The government still has no serious welfare plan in place for any group of its vulnerable citizens.

The list of issues and problems facing us as a nation are endless. Are we going to keep pretending that these problems do not exist or handle them with kid glove?

It is time to pay attention to how to begin to solve these problems and reduce the cost of governance. It is time to plan for our collective future as a people.

We need to have a culture of working with numbers and planning ahead.

This year’s theme for the World Population Day:

Family  Planning, Birth Spacing: Empowering & developing nations.

“Family Planning and Child Birth Spacing are personal decisions but their profound implications on the health, economic and social well-being of the society are far reaching”. Chief Eze Duruiheoma, SAN – Chairman National Population Commission Nigeria.

We can have a better and great country if we seriously pay attention and act now to make life better for Nigerians. Government need to invest rightly and wisely.

People need to make informed choices to live a better and meaningful life.

Adebisi Adetunji(C)

Should Bride Price Be Paid When a Woman is Pregnant?

I get a lot of Google search on whether the bride price of a woman who is already pregnant for her fiance should be paid.

In this post, I will attempt to answer this question with my little knowledge about how our African culture works.

Firstly You need to understand what a “bride price”, means. It is a traditional token given during a traditional wedding ceremony between two families in a marriage rite. Acceptance of a bride price from a suitor is also the lady’s family endorsement that they willingly gave their daughter away in marriage. You may say it is an acceptance of the groom and his family. It is a token saying we value this woman whom our son wants to marry! We appreciate all that her family had done to raise her.

Bride Price is a serious matter in Africa and at least in Nigeria where I am from. People believe that a woman whose bride price was not paid did not “marry properly”. In some tribes in the eastern part of the country, if a man does not pay the bride price of his wife to be, it is believed not to be a valid marriage union. All the children the woman gives birth to belong to her father. And they have a way around this practice. In fact, if such a woman dies, the man will be asked to marry her properly by paying her bride price and performing all that is expected of him traditionally before she can be buried.

Traditionally a woman who moves to live with her man without the traditional rite is on her own. If anything goes wrong in that relationship she will not have family support in some cases.

Getting pregnant does not excuse a man from paying the bride price of the woman he intends to marry where I come from. Bride Price is simply putting a value on the woman by the suitor and his family. Getting pregnant does not reduce the woman’s value. In fact, children are seen as blessings.

Bride Price is very important so it is required of a man to pay even if your wife to be, gets pregnant. Now how much you pay depends on the family and their cultural practice/belief.

Do you pay the bride price in your culture, how is it done? Please share.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)