We hear a lot about monster mother in-laws. And if you come from some of our tribes it is a never ending war between mother-in-laws and their daughter-in-laws. It is like we are practically fighting for the attention of the poor man who is not sure of his role as a son or spouse anymore.
Indeed there some very incorrigible mother-in-laws; nothing their daughter in-law ever does is right but paying bad deeds with good is the key here. This can be tough, but being good to your mother-in-law pays in the end. Call her on her birthdays, buy her gifts, encourage your husband, her son to do something nice for his mother. After all you would want your daughter – in-law to do the same for you.
Some single ladies are so terrified of what their mother-in-law could do to make life unbearable for them in their matrimonial home that they wish her dead! Yes, I hear of ladies praying that their mother-in-law would die before they tie the knot with the love of their life. Hmmmn…how would you like your future daughter –in-law to wish you dead too?😱
You don’t have to be terrified of having a mother-in-law. Remember that she had to give birth to her son which gave you an opportunity to meet him in the first place. So be grateful for that. Put yourself in her shoes; she has her fears too about totally losing her son’s attention to you. And seriously the mother-son loving relationship is punctured when the boy falls in love with a girl.
So recognize why there might be an issue:
• You are coming from a different background and generation from your mother-in-law.
• Her view of life is some worth different from yours.
• Just because your mother or friend had a turbulent relationship with her in-laws doesn’t mean you will also experience the same thing.
It is possible to have a good, cordial and loving relationship with your mother-in-law.
How to have a better relationship with your mother-in-law?
• First, see her as your own mother for indeed she became your second mum. Surely you do have a misunderstanding with your mum but you usually find a way around it. So find a way around that misunderstanding between you and your mother-in-law.
• Study your mother-in-law, find out what she likes and dislikes.
• Just because you are now married to her son shouldn’t mean that she is banished for life in her son’s life and your family. Allow your mother-in-law to be a part of your lives. I mean she deserves a right to be a part of her grandchildren’s lives. And it is a relief to you too on days when you simply need a break from the stress of caring for your family.
• Make up your mind to be your mother-in-law’s friend as much as possible.
• You will not always see eye to eye on a lot of issues but gently and wisely make her see reason. Sometimes let her son, your husband explain things to her. Some things might be better received when it is coming from her son.
When it is really difficult to deal with your mother-in-law, pray for her and yourself. Do your best and keep loving no matter what.
Remember, your mother-in-law is a fellow woman – support each other.
I think we should talk about how to be your daughter- in-law’s Friend in my next woman to Woman Talk post. 😀😀
Adebisi Adetunji (C)