What?! Physically Assaulting A Pregnant Woman?!

Photo Credit: Hellobeautiful.com

Some days ago I listened to the horrifying story of an eight months old pregnant woman who was killed by her husband! My mind could not simply process the senseless act of this man who killed his unborn child and wife. So tempers flared up during an argument or misunderstanding between the couple and the man gives her a fatal punch that led to bleeding. He refuses to take her for treatment in the hospital for whatever reason, maybe in ignorance. How does one even begin to explain and excuse such a behavior?

My Take on this matter:

I believe that this man has probably been physically abusing his wife for a while now. This is why he thought that like other times, he could hit and get away with it. Unfortunately, it ended badly! Thankfully he has been arrested and hopefully, justice will be served.

If you are a woman who has found yourself in an abusive relationship, do not keep explaining the actions of the man away and making excuses for him, GET OUT! It is unacceptable and dangerous behavior. Many ladies still courting a man think that they can change his bad behavior, sorry dear, it doesn’t work that way. People do not change that easily except they want to, it takes more than your loving efforts. Worse still you are putting your life on the line. So if you are still just in the dating stage of your relationship and you notice signs of violence in your partner such as a violent push; a slap, smashing of things when he is angry, then BREAK THAT RELATIONSHIP NOW! It is only going to get worse when he marries you.

And if you have already made a commitment of marriage and your spouse/partner is abusive, get help! Get family, counselor, your pastor or spiritual leader or anyone you trust involved. Do not keep quiet about the matter; this is not the time to follow that advice usually ingrained in the hearts of couples during wedding ceremonies, “Do not let a third party into your marriage”. The idea is to handle your business and conflicts without bringing in others who might escalate the conflict. Hmmmn…Abuse is a matter not to be handled in this manner, SPEAK UP and GET HELP.

Our Role as Family Members, Neighbors, and Friends

It is true that we would want the marriages of our loved ones and acquaintance to last, however, if someone comes to you with a recurring physical abuse then do not tell them to stay in there and weather the storm. This storm may end drowning such a person. Point such a person in the direction of where they can get help. As a neighbor report, any abuse going on in your neighborhood. It is not “poke nosing”; it is saving a life and you can do it discreetly if you do not want those concerned to know. Once my brother reported a neighbor who always beat his wife and the police came and arrested him. Thankfully also the young woman’s family also came in to take their sister and daughter.

A family friend also narrated how he had to wrestle his abusive neighbor to the ground, giving him a few punches to teach him a lesson. That was how the young man realized that he was hurting his wife and stopped his abusive actions. So you cannot afford to mind your business when it comes to physical abuse in your neighborhood. Think of it this way, if you were the one been hurt, would you want someone to step in to help you? I am sure you would.

Back to the Pregnant Woman issue

A pregnant woman is in a very delicate position while still carrying a baby. Pushing, slapping, harassing her is endangering two lives! This should never have to happen. If you are a man who is short-tempered, when your woman upsets you and you cannot control your feelings, please pick up your shirt and go somewhere else to cool off instead of doing what you will regret later.

Life is a gift; no one has the right to snuff that life out! Help protect mums and their unborn babies.

Adebisi Adetunji (C) Broadcast Journalist, Media content provider, Trainer & consultant-@debisibusybeemedia, Behavioral Change Radio Drama, Communication4Development, Social Media Influencer, Controller Programs (FRCN) Founder Beehyve Empowerment and Development Initiative. Catch me on Twitter – @DebisiBusybee, Facebook & email – bisimodupe1975@gmail.com

Our World has Gone Mad!!! What can We Do About It?

Credits: Shutterstock

Some time ago a man was seen early in the morning when people were rushing to get to work carrying a little child who was kicking and crying. Everyone passed by as they went about their business but one man noticed and decided to challenge the man carrying the child. The man just dropped the child and ran. He had abducted that child as soon as her mum dropped her off at the school gate!

The world has become more complex as our once simpler and innocent way of life is a mixed bag of mistrust, horror, and chaos. We now want to satisfy our appetite at any cost. The syndrome of anything that makes me happy even when it hurts others. Selfishness and wickedness(forgive my strong language) is the picture that we see on our news screens every day. Sometimes even though I work with a media organization, I feel like shutting out the news headlines that evade the social media, TV, radio, and newspapers. This is because fellow human beings seem to craft and carry more terrible wicked schemes. Will this ever end?

Such news as that of the rape and murder of young Zainab Ansari In Pakistan is really disheartening. As I watched her picture on the placards of those protesting in her community, I couldn’t but feel an awful chill. One camera did catch her abductor on tape and the horror of it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. “You dare not trust your child even with a supposed trusted neighbor”, it didn’t use to be so! I thought to myself.

I remember as a child my parents could just leave us in the care of a friend or neighbor while running errands or on days they have a function we couldn’t accompany them on. They did not fear us being molested by anyone. In fact, as a child up to my teenage level, you were afraid of your mum or dad’s friends seeing you engaged in anything that your parents didn’t approve of. They will definitely make sure that your parents hear about it! Now neighbors, friends and even close family members abuse those in their care sexually to a point where organs are damaged or a life is lost!

I also remember times when I was sick as a teenager when our family doctor would examine me. My mother didn’t have to stay in the examining room and the doctor did not take advantage of me! Now I won’t dream of living my daughter or my son for that matter with a doctor alone especially if it has to with getting undressed to examine him/her.

My Advice on ways you can protect your child:

  • Don’t be careless. Walk with your child to school especially younger children.
  • Keep an eye on your children.
  • Stop living your child with just anyone. some of us parents even leave them with a lesson teacher and you go out doing your business… Haaa! I hear some even leave their house key with lesson teacher who sleeps in the house when such parents travel on business! Haaaaaa… Danger raises to power 100!!😱😱
  • Teach your child what to look out for in identifying predators.
  • Remind your child about the golden rule of not talking to strangers.
  • Stop minding your business if you notice something abnormal about an adult holding a child or a stranger taking away your neighbor’s children do Something!!!

Seriously parents pay attention, stop been in hurry to go about your tasks forgetting to take those little but safe precautions.

Every child has a right to life and protection

Adebisi Adetunji(c)

 

An Overwhelming Help! Girl gets School Fees Support – You never Know What Your Story Can Birth!!

When I shared this post, “The Sight of a Hardworking Woman & Mother: How tough can it Get?” little did I know that it will culminate into getting double help and support for this woman and her daughter. I was simply just doing a post about how some women struggle really hard to make ends meet in their family. If you are a blogger or writer like me reading this, follow that instinct and just share your heart about whatever catches your attention, you never know when you make a huge difference.

So here is what transpired after I published that story:

I got a message from a dear friend living across the globe from where I live that she read the story I shared. She wanted to know how she could donate towards part payment of the little girl’s school fees. When I read her message I was shocked and surprised! Yes, because I wasn’t expecting anything to come in terms of assistance from the story apart from what I had donated to help support the school fees of the little daughter of the woman in question. Mostly I avoided even mentioning that until now and I also didn’t want to ask anyone to donate. So here I am finding out that, that brainwave I gave into in publishing her story was the key to making a huge difference in this woman and her little girl’s life.

In the end the money donated covered for a whole school year’s fees for the little girl, meanwhile, her mother was only working hard to get just a term’s school fees.

 God is awesome and knows how to show up for us when we are in need!

I feel humbled and privileged to be a part of the answer to this woman’s cry for help. Sincerely I am still in shock and just moved in a way that words cannot express.

You never know who your story can help, keep writing honestly and sincerely from your heart.

Apart from settling the little girl’s school fees, the donation also covered the school fees for a young visually impaired boy whom I and My Abiye (maternal & child health) team had been giving education support for some years now. Indeed it is a double help and support for these two vulnerable children.

God bless our donor mightly. I cannot mention her name as I believe she wants this giving to be discrete.

Every Boy, every Girl deserves an education.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Stop Minding Your Business!!!

FIGHT

It is your business when your neighbors get physically violent with each other! Many times people just mind their business when couples living next to them engage in frequent fights. Nobody says anything until something terrible happens. I cannot understand why we keep mute and lie to ourselves that reporting domestic violence or calling the attention of appropriate authorities is meddling in other people’s personal family matters. No wonder then that we soon hear the announcement of the death of one of the fighting couple.

In the news again this weekend we hear about a man beating his wife to death; then he locks the door leaving his two children with the body of their mother! (I do not even know how to qualify his action…so…so wicked!!!) So called neighbors when asked why they did not intervene said that they were used to hearing the couple fight each other and did not know that it will become fatal.

Seriously do we have to wait until somebody winds up dead before doing something to stop any form of physical assault?

Something my brother did a few years ago comes to my mind. He had a neighbor who was in the habit of physically abusing his wife. Every time he beat her the woman’s cry could be heard in the homes of their neighbors including my brother’s house. One day he just about had enough…this neighbor started to beat his wife as usual and my brother decided to call the Police. Thank God our Nigerian Police did not say it was a family matter as is their practice. The man was arrested and the woman’s family later thanked my brother for helping to save their daughter. I was so proud of him for taking this step and not minding his business as we all do most times.

My point…if domestic violence is going on in your neighbor’s house do not keep silent…do not mind your own business because we should all be about the business of saving lives!!!

 

What you can do
• Knock or bang on the door when a fight is going on.
• Tell your neighbor that his or her behavior is unacceptable.
• Report the matter to their close relatives; pastor if you have the privilege of knowing them
• Report to the Police, if it continues
• Whatever you do, don’t mind your business

Enough of battering that leads to death!

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Being My Neighbour’s Keeper

FLOWERS
http://www.hdwallpap.com

Have you ever had neighbours whom you thought or could see that something was seriously wrong… something that keeps you worried but you just couldn’t do anything about it? Sometimes you are afraid to offer your help because it amounts to meddling in another person’s business. Some of us just adopt the attitude of , “they don’t bother me, i don’t bother them”. I think the issue sometimes is about not wanting to infringe on the right to privacy of a neighbour. But there might be a need to remove the boundary of privacy when a neighbour is in danger. Let me begin to unravel my thought line with a few stories that mirrors what i mean by being my neighbour’s keeper.

I and a friend were having a chat about problems in marriages and how it can be minimized. Out popped this story about her neighbours. Once upon a time…time…time…i wish it was once upon a time fairy tale but it is a reality in the life of a woman who was hemmed in. So Mr and Mrs Tanimowo (not real names) have the usual misunderstanding as any marriage would have but how it is sorted out is another kettle of fish. Whenever Mr Tanimowo was really upset with his wife, he punishes her by asking her to stand outside their entrance gate into their home. Sometimes this woman sleeps in the gutter outside until the next morning.  It beats my imagination how this is even possible … I just couldn’t believe that someone would have to sleep in the gutter not because he/she was homeless or a destitute. But my friend insisted that it was true after-all they were her neighbours.  All other neighbours were aware of this continued abuse but nobody spoke out against it… nobody offered Mrs Tanimowo a bed in the safety of their home whenever her husband meted out this punishment. Everyone simply minded their own business. I ask myself how far should we really go with minding our business when a neighbour is seriously in danger or being abused? Shouldn’t we be our neighbours keeper?

Another story of a man who  regularly punches his wife comes to mind. This man whom i would call Patrick simply “flexes  his muscles”, every time he was crossed with his wife Mary. Her cries became  an unpleasant music in the ears of their neighbours. A young couple who lived in the next building close by endured the situation for a while until they got restless and just couldn’t take it any longer. On one of the days that Patrick physically assaulted his wife as was his custom they finally reported the matter to the police. That was how Patrick was arrested. Mary’s family thanked these neighbours profusely for saving their daughter. But for their neighbour who blew the whistle on Patrick, Mary his wife could have been maimed or murdered in the face of constant physical assault.

It is easy to turn the other eye but we can do a lot to stop the number of abuse that goes on around us. I know it is difficult when the person being abused is unwillingly to speak out or get help. Many cases of abuse go UN-reported until it is too late.

I have to share yet another abuse story where a family member refused to speak up against the abuse of a child. Imagine a  14year old girl is impregnated by her father and infected with HIV. Her mother knows about this and even takes the teenage girl for treatment but has refused to blow the whistle on her husband. They continued to live in the same house and he will probably abuse his other daughters or other young girls, thus the circle of HIV and abuse expands. This mother does not understand that it was no longer a matter of turning the other eye but that of fighting for her daughter’s right against abuse and that of many other girls whose rights would also be violated. And since she was not willing to have her husband prosecuted for his crime there was nothing anyone could do to stop the man.

My Neghbour 2
http://www.hagleyparksda.com

So who is my neighbour? The parable of The Good Samaritan paints a vivid picture. According to this parable, a neighbour is someone who is hurting beside you, you don’t have to know the person from “Adam” as we sometimes say. The familiar definition of who a neighbour is, is someone who lives next door or near you. The person next to you cuts across a colleague at work, child in your class as a school teacher, friends from a club or activity group. Do you also know that people you live with in the same house (family, friends, children, spouse) are your neighbours as well? And yes you all live together in trust and should watch out for each other. Nobody wants to live with or next to someone whom you don’t feel safe with. We once had a crazy neighbour who “terrorized” and bullied us in so many ways. The last stroke that broke the camel’s back was when he physically attacked a neighbour’s son with a cutlass! That was when we knew that it was time to not just speak up with one voice but to scream for help to the appropriate authorities! But we had allowed the bullying to go on for too long, thankfully the case was not fatal.  It takes courage and love to speak up to help another, especially our neighbour.  Neighbourliness goes beyond a hello; neighbours should look out for each other.  It all starts with knowing  the answer to the question who is my neighbour?.

Now i know that these cases of abuse are sensitive and sometimes you just don’t want to get involved. However, it is possible to think of a creative way of helping an abused neighbour. First try to get the person being abused to talk about it, if he/she is a close acquaintance. Then give them information about how and where to get help for abused persons depending on the type of abuse. It means in other to help my neighbour it would be important to read about where help can be gotten. Educators have a duty to report any suspected case of abuse.  As a class teacher who might be privileged to sense or see traces of abuse in a child under your care,be swift share your concerns and get counsellors or your school social worker involved who will handle the matter professionally. If the abuse is happening within a nuclear family, somebody must speak up. Many mothers sweep cases of child abuse going in their home under the carpet all in a bid to  save their marriage or retain their economic status. This is a silence with great cost. It is a silence at the expense of another fellow human’s safety. Speaking up many times saves lives whether as the one being abused or as an observer. Before we decide to mind our business let us all put ourselves in the shoes of our abused neighbour. A simple phone call to the right person who can help  will make all the difference. goodneighbors I really don’t know how to end this piece but all i am just saying is that it is okay to be my neighbour’s keeper and we should all look out for each other.