Woman To Woman Talk #28 – What to Do When He Beats You

Romoke felt the blows crashing into her body in quick succession. She is not sure whether to cry out as a wave of pain hits her on all sides and she is not even sure which part of her body again. A few moments later the beating stops and Romoke crawls on her knees dragging herself on the floor, the pain won’t allow her to stand and on so she dragged herself to rest her back on the wall. Her children stood before her crying and saying “mummy sorry”. Romoke knew she had to get up maybe not for herself but for her children. She finally mustered all the strength she had left to rise and clean up herself. Blood was trickling down her face, there was a cut on her head. Romoke walked dizzily to the bathroom to wash; to wash off the pain.

Moments later she was out of the shower wearing a long sleeve to cover the bruises on her arm. Her swollen head and face stared at her in the mirror; the pain won’t go away; the memories of the blows descending on her body came rushing back. Romoke shuddered and wondered how long she would have to put up with this. She had reported Tunde to the police, he was arrested and released and the beating didn’t stop. She shared her dilemma with her siblings but no one wanted her to take the option of leaving. Yes, the meant good in their own way, they want her marriage to survive. Romoke is not sure what to do anymore but she wants the beating to stop; she wants to get out but how?

Again and again, we hear stories like this about another woman who is beaten to the point of bleeding by her spouse or lover. Some end up in real tragedy and never get out of such abusive relationship alive. I just heard another of such story of wife battery today and the woman is looking for a way of escape and help but the option of leaving him is not yet on the table. I am baffled at the fact that women still stay on in these abusive relationships and worst still family members placate her to endure and keep her marriage!

Candid Opinion

If you are been physically assaulted by your man, GET OUT OF THERE! Yes get out, find somewhere to stay. Do not keep getting beaten and hold onto hope that he will one day change. Get out and let him work on himself and change,that is if he ever changes.

Some women stay on in an abusive relationship because of so many reasons which include:

  1. What will people say – Wanting others to believe that your life is perfect.
  2. Not financially able to cope with meeting personal needs and probably that of her children if they have them.
  3. Believing that he will change.
  4. Too emotionally attached to the man

Once you know that the man you are dating can or has physically assaulted you in any way END THAT RELATIONSHIP!!!

Once the man you are married to is physically assaulting you have a PLAN B. Get a job, save some money in order to be able to take care of yourself when you may have to leave that relationship.

#International Women’s Day 2018 Loading- Theme: Improving the lives of Women everywhere, rural or Urban; the time is now

Adebisi Adetunji (C)


Friday Fiction: Adding Salt to the Wound of a woman waiting to have a Child

saltTwenty four full moons had passed; the gossips continued. Even Kala my friend asked me if it was true that my husband was impotent. It was the end of our friendship. In the village I felt embarrassed to walk among the people and at home Manya treated me like an enemy. I prayed that the gods would bless me soon.

One evening while thinking about my troubles, tired from the day’s farm work, I nodded off on the wooden chair in front of our hut. The gentle breeze was comforting. Suddenly, I felt a strong arm grip mine, Manya was back. I quickly got up and welcomed him. He took my place on the chair.

He was hungry and I hadn’t cooked. “At least you can cook my meals, since you are an empty barrel”, he said. I felt pained in my heart and tried to speak, “The gods will shine on us soon” The words were still in my mouth when I felt a sharp pain across my face. Dizziness and darkness engulfed me and I staggered backwards. I felt his hands all over my body and heard his furious voice,” You will never challenge me again …lazy woman”. My screams must have been heard ten compounds away, but it is a man’s business what he does with his wife.

Excerpt from my short story “Face in the Mirror”.

It is already emotionally stressful wanting badly to have a baby why add salt to her wound by physically assaulting again. Oh what some women go through…!!!

Photo Credit: Weknowyourdreams.com

Adebisi Adetunji (C)