Woman To Woman Talk #29 – One Moment of Insanity…Handle Yourself, It is Costly!

Mr & Mrs Odibi on their wedding day

In the past week news about the murder of a 50year old man named Mr. Otike Odibi lingered in my heart. His wife, Udeme Odibi, killed him, stabbing him several times and even severing his genitals. Forgive this disturbing description. I cannot seem to wrap my head around this?!!

Why would a woman do this to her husband; someone she loves?! Don’t give me that line about him violating or physically abusing her and therefore her actions were carried out in defense. This is simply unacceptable and inhumane!

No one whether man or woman should have to be a victim of gender-based violence or domestic violence.

I actually followed the story and there are different versions of the incidence which I will like to mention for the purpose of this post. An earlier report when the news of the incidence broke siad that, the couple had an argument about Mr. Otike Odibi ‘s Will. He had made his only daughter from an earlier marriage the beneficiary of his Will and the new wife Udeme won’t have it that way.

The latest update on the story according to police investigation revealed that the couple had issues bordering on infidelity. Udeme complained about her husband having extramarital affairs to family members on the day the unfortunate incidence happened. It was a pre-meditated murder!
Writing about this makes me really sad. I want to challenge our mindsets as women. This story is one out of other couples stories of women who beat, harm or killed their husbands. Have we become as mean and heartless as women?

If a man is cheating on you…Leave if you cannot find a way to stop the circle.

If a man is physically assaulting you…you have the option of leaving instead of allowing someone to bring the animal in you out to the fore.

If it is money issue and the desire to secure a better financial standing, please who says you have to be dependent on your husband. Work, save and invest your own money!

The desperation to keep your man has to stop woman! Suspicion only breeds more trouble; you lose your peace of mind and are always in a tensed mood. How is that living?! This morning I was reading a post that talks about each one of us been responsible for our own HAPPINESS! Your husband or man is not responsible for your happiness, you are!

Never allow others in your life to carry the burden of your happiness; No human being is faultless.

So if something is wrong or not working in your relationship, there are ways to go about resolving it instead of ending the life of another human being. Where does that leave you? Doing this takes your own freedom and life away.

Seek counseling from the right people when you have relationship issues. Don’t listen to those who would advise you not to “take sh*t” from anyone. By that they mean hit back, fight dirty…
Women, we cannot be advocating against gender-based violence been perpetrated by men when we are becoming the guilty assailant too. “, “What is good for the gander is good for the goose, please. Udeme happens to be a lawyer who knows what the law says. She is educated and has ways of fighting for her right without getting physical! Was it a one minute or moment of insanity? I really don’t know but seriously this has to STOP!

Women don’t let anything or anyone push you so hard that you become inhuman. Remember you are responsible for your actions and there are consequences.

Say No to all forms of Gender Based Violence.

Adebisi Adetunji (C) Founder Beehyve Empowerment and Development Initiative. Media content provider, Trainer & consultant, Behavioral Change Radio Drama, Communication4Development, Social Media Influencer
Catch me on Twitter @DebisiBusybee
Facebook & email – bisimodupe1975@gmail.com

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A Book…A Story #WorldBookDay

Books carry within them treasures that you dig for through reading
Readers are leaders
Books provide insight and knowledge required to make life easier
Readers are equipped with solutions to the world’s problems.
Books tell our stories… A window to how someone else pulled through a challenge and succeed.
Books bring light to our world

Today I met this lovely lady and author. Her name is Barrister Abiade Olawanle Abiola. She is passionate about Women’s Human rights; children’s rights and sexual and Gender-based Violence and alternative dispute resolutions.

Abiade was involved in a turbulent marriage that lasted a few years. As I chatted with her, she shared how she had to endure emotional, psychological, financial abuse. Often her ex-husband was in one money mess or the other and she had to keep going to the police station to bail him. This was very embarrassing and on top of that he also sexually abused.

One very interesting thing about the relationship with her ex-husband was that he never got physical/beat her. Instead, all that she had gone through made her become aggressive and she would get physical with him as she became more frustrated with all the bottled up emotion.

Abiade said she had to struggle to sponsor herself through school as her father decided that he wouldn’t get her beyond secondary school. Abiade looked forward to finding true love a happy marriage, unfortunately, it didn’t turn out that way.

When she couldn’t take the abuse any longer, Abiade walked out of that marriage. Today she can tell her story and is busy helping to intervene in ending Abuse in all its form. Abiade has finally been able to publish her story and her book is titled, “Abuse is Never Justified – Realities of Change”.

Abiade is the founder of “Human of Substance Empowerment Initiative”. She believes that she will not be the person she now is, were it not for her marriage experience.

I just got a copy of her book and I am looking forward to reading and drinking in all the details. Abiade intends to put back all money proceeds from the book back into her youth empowerment project. For her, it is all about changing lives for good.

Adebisi Adetunji (C) Founder Beehyve Empowerment and Development Initiative. Media content provider, Trainer & consultant, Behavioral Change Radio Drama, Communication4Development, Social Media Influencer
Catch me on Twitter @DebisiBusybee
Facebook & email – bisimodupe1975@gmail.com

Woman To Woman Talk #28 – What to Do When He Beats You

Romoke felt the blows crashing into her body in quick succession. She is not sure whether to cry out as a wave of pain hits her on all sides and she is not even sure which part of her body again. A few moments later the beating stops and Romoke crawls on her knees dragging herself on the floor, the pain won’t allow her to stand and on so she dragged herself to rest her back on the wall. Her children stood before her crying and saying “mummy sorry”. Romoke knew she had to get up maybe not for herself but for her children. She finally mustered all the strength she had left to rise and clean up herself. Blood was trickling down her face, there was a cut on her head. Romoke walked dizzily to the bathroom to wash; to wash off the pain.

Moments later she was out of the shower wearing a long sleeve to cover the bruises on her arm. Her swollen head and face stared at her in the mirror; the pain won’t go away; the memories of the blows descending on her body came rushing back. Romoke shuddered and wondered how long she would have to put up with this. She had reported Tunde to the police, he was arrested and released and the beating didn’t stop. She shared her dilemma with her siblings but no one wanted her to take the option of leaving. Yes, the meant good in their own way, they want her marriage to survive. Romoke is not sure what to do anymore but she wants the beating to stop; she wants to get out but how?

Again and again, we hear stories like this about another woman who is beaten to the point of bleeding by her spouse or lover. Some end up in real tragedy and never get out of such abusive relationship alive. I just heard another of such story of wife battery today and the woman is looking for a way of escape and help but the option of leaving him is not yet on the table. I am baffled at the fact that women still stay on in these abusive relationships and worst still family members placate her to endure and keep her marriage!

Candid Opinion

If you are been physically assaulted by your man, GET OUT OF THERE! Yes get out, find somewhere to stay. Do not keep getting beaten and hold onto hope that he will one day change. Get out and let him work on himself and change,that is if he ever changes.

Some women stay on in an abusive relationship because of so many reasons which include:

  1. What will people say – Wanting others to believe that your life is perfect.
  2. Not financially able to cope with meeting personal needs and probably that of her children if they have them.
  3. Believing that he will change.
  4. Too emotionally attached to the man

Once you know that the man you are dating can or has physically assaulted you in any way END THAT RELATIONSHIP!!!

Once the man you are married to is physically assaulting you have a PLAN B. Get a job, save some money in order to be able to take care of yourself when you may have to leave that relationship.

#International Women’s Day 2018 Loading- Theme: Improving the lives of Women everywhere, rural or Urban; the time is now

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Friday Fiction: Adding Salt to the Wound of a woman waiting to have a Child

saltTwenty four full moons had passed; the gossips continued. Even Kala my friend asked me if it was true that my husband was impotent. It was the end of our friendship. In the village I felt embarrassed to walk among the people and at home Manya treated me like an enemy. I prayed that the gods would bless me soon.

One evening while thinking about my troubles, tired from the day’s farm work, I nodded off on the wooden chair in front of our hut. The gentle breeze was comforting. Suddenly, I felt a strong arm grip mine, Manya was back. I quickly got up and welcomed him. He took my place on the chair.

He was hungry and I hadn’t cooked. “At least you can cook my meals, since you are an empty barrel”, he said. I felt pained in my heart and tried to speak, “The gods will shine on us soon” The words were still in my mouth when I felt a sharp pain across my face. Dizziness and darkness engulfed me and I staggered backwards. I felt his hands all over my body and heard his furious voice,” You will never challenge me again …lazy woman”. My screams must have been heard ten compounds away, but it is a man’s business what he does with his wife.

Excerpt from my short story “Face in the Mirror”.

It is already emotionally stressful wanting badly to have a baby why add salt to her wound by physically assaulting again. Oh what some women go through…!!!

Photo Credit: Weknowyourdreams.com

Adebisi Adetunji (C)