A Book…A Story #WorldBookDay

Books carry within them treasures that you dig for through reading
Readers are leaders
Books provide insight and knowledge required to make life easier
Readers are equipped with solutions to the world’s problems.
Books tell our stories… A window to how someone else pulled through a challenge and succeed.
Books bring light to our world

Today I met this lovely lady and author. Her name is Barrister Abiade Olawanle Abiola. She is passionate about Women’s Human rights; children’s rights and sexual and Gender-based Violence and alternative dispute resolutions.

Abiade was involved in a turbulent marriage that lasted a few years. As I chatted with her, she shared how she had to endure emotional, psychological, financial abuse. Often her ex-husband was in one money mess or the other and she had to keep going to the police station to bail him. This was very embarrassing and on top of that he also sexually abused.

One very interesting thing about the relationship with her ex-husband was that he never got physical/beat her. Instead, all that she had gone through made her become aggressive and she would get physical with him as she became more frustrated with all the bottled up emotion.

Abiade said she had to struggle to sponsor herself through school as her father decided that he wouldn’t get her beyond secondary school. Abiade looked forward to finding true love a happy marriage, unfortunately, it didn’t turn out that way.

When she couldn’t take the abuse any longer, Abiade walked out of that marriage. Today she can tell her story and is busy helping to intervene in ending Abuse in all its form. Abiade has finally been able to publish her story and her book is titled, “Abuse is Never Justified – Realities of Change”.

Abiade is the founder of “Human of Substance Empowerment Initiative”. She believes that she will not be the person she now is, were it not for her marriage experience.

I just got a copy of her book and I am looking forward to reading and drinking in all the details. Abiade intends to put back all money proceeds from the book back into her youth empowerment project. For her, it is all about changing lives for good.

Adebisi Adetunji (C) Founder Beehyve Empowerment and Development Initiative. Media content provider, Trainer & consultant, Behavioral Change Radio Drama, Communication4Development, Social Media Influencer
Catch me on Twitter @DebisiBusybee
Facebook & email – bisimodupe1975@gmail.com

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Woman To Woman Talk #28 – What to Do When He Beats You

Romoke felt the blows crashing into her body in quick succession. She is not sure whether to cry out as a wave of pain hits her on all sides and she is not even sure which part of her body again. A few moments later the beating stops and Romoke crawls on her knees dragging herself on the floor, the pain won’t allow her to stand and on so she dragged herself to rest her back on the wall. Her children stood before her crying and saying “mummy sorry”. Romoke knew she had to get up maybe not for herself but for her children. She finally mustered all the strength she had left to rise and clean up herself. Blood was trickling down her face, there was a cut on her head. Romoke walked dizzily to the bathroom to wash; to wash off the pain.

Moments later she was out of the shower wearing a long sleeve to cover the bruises on her arm. Her swollen head and face stared at her in the mirror; the pain won’t go away; the memories of the blows descending on her body came rushing back. Romoke shuddered and wondered how long she would have to put up with this. She had reported Tunde to the police, he was arrested and released and the beating didn’t stop. She shared her dilemma with her siblings but no one wanted her to take the option of leaving. Yes, the meant good in their own way, they want her marriage to survive. Romoke is not sure what to do anymore but she wants the beating to stop; she wants to get out but how?

Again and again, we hear stories like this about another woman who is beaten to the point of bleeding by her spouse or lover. Some end up in real tragedy and never get out of such abusive relationship alive. I just heard another of such story of wife battery today and the woman is looking for a way of escape and help but the option of leaving him is not yet on the table. I am baffled at the fact that women still stay on in these abusive relationships and worst still family members placate her to endure and keep her marriage!

Candid Opinion

If you are been physically assaulted by your man, GET OUT OF THERE! Yes get out, find somewhere to stay. Do not keep getting beaten and hold onto hope that he will one day change. Get out and let him work on himself and change,that is if he ever changes.

Some women stay on in an abusive relationship because of so many reasons which include:

  1. What will people say – Wanting others to believe that your life is perfect.
  2. Not financially able to cope with meeting personal needs and probably that of her children if they have them.
  3. Believing that he will change.
  4. Too emotionally attached to the man

Once you know that the man you are dating can or has physically assaulted you in any way END THAT RELATIONSHIP!!!

Once the man you are married to is physically assaulting you have a PLAN B. Get a job, save some money in order to be able to take care of yourself when you may have to leave that relationship.

#International Women’s Day 2018 Loading- Theme: Improving the lives of Women everywhere, rural or Urban; the time is now

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Our World has Gone Mad!!! What can We Do About It?

Credits: Shutterstock

Some time ago a man was seen early in the morning when people were rushing to get to work carrying a little child who was kicking and crying. Everyone passed by as they went about their business but one man noticed and decided to challenge the man carrying the child. The man just dropped the child and ran. He had abducted that child as soon as her mum dropped her off at the school gate!

The world has become more complex as our once simpler and innocent way of life is a mixed bag of mistrust, horror, and chaos. We now want to satisfy our appetite at any cost. The syndrome of anything that makes me happy even when it hurts others. Selfishness and wickedness(forgive my strong language) is the picture that we see on our news screens every day. Sometimes even though I work with a media organization, I feel like shutting out the news headlines that evade the social media, TV, radio, and newspapers. This is because fellow human beings seem to craft and carry more terrible wicked schemes. Will this ever end?

Such news as that of the rape and murder of young Zainab Ansari In Pakistan is really disheartening. As I watched her picture on the placards of those protesting in her community, I couldn’t but feel an awful chill. One camera did catch her abductor on tape and the horror of it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. “You dare not trust your child even with a supposed trusted neighbor”, it didn’t use to be so! I thought to myself.

I remember as a child my parents could just leave us in the care of a friend or neighbor while running errands or on days they have a function we couldn’t accompany them on. They did not fear us being molested by anyone. In fact, as a child up to my teenage level, you were afraid of your mum or dad’s friends seeing you engaged in anything that your parents didn’t approve of. They will definitely make sure that your parents hear about it! Now neighbors, friends and even close family members abuse those in their care sexually to a point where organs are damaged or a life is lost!

I also remember times when I was sick as a teenager when our family doctor would examine me. My mother didn’t have to stay in the examining room and the doctor did not take advantage of me! Now I won’t dream of living my daughter or my son for that matter with a doctor alone especially if it has to with getting undressed to examine him/her.

My Advice on ways you can protect your child:

  • Don’t be careless. Walk with your child to school especially younger children.
  • Keep an eye on your children.
  • Stop living your child with just anyone. some of us parents even leave them with a lesson teacher and you go out doing your business… Haaa! I hear some even leave their house key with lesson teacher who sleeps in the house when such parents travel on business! Haaaaaa… Danger raises to power 100!!😱😱
  • Teach your child what to look out for in identifying predators.
  • Remind your child about the golden rule of not talking to strangers.
  • Stop minding your business if you notice something abnormal about an adult holding a child or a stranger taking away your neighbor’s children do Something!!!

Seriously parents pay attention, stop been in hurry to go about your tasks forgetting to take those little but safe precautions.

Every child has a right to life and protection

Adebisi Adetunji(c)

 

Blogging Plans on Femininematerz As the Year Kicks Off

Every new year heralds a new beginning. It is usually an opportunity to take a look at the past year’s achievements and plan to move forward.

I’d like to share my blogging plans with you so you will know what to expect:

  • I am bringing back the serial post on “Dear Diary… TBEE Writes”. It is a fiction and story of a typical Nigerian campus girl which started last year but my workload increased and I couldn’t just keep up. But a number of fans and readers who had been following the story keep asking me to continue. And so continue I must in order to put a smile on the faces of these fans 😀😀. Catch up on the last two episodes here :

Dear Diary – Something Terrible Happened on Campus… TBEE Writes #19

Dear Diary- The Soup Thief was Caught but a Threat is Underway… TBEE Writes #18

  • Woman to Woman Talk” series post where I basically have a frank chat with my female clan😀 also picks up again.

Woman to Woman Talk #23- She Won’t Let Them Do it

Woman to Woman Talk #22- She Poured Hot Water on the Other Woman in her Husband’s Life.

Other issues that falls in my passion groove that will feature on this page are:

  1. Speaking out about ending gender based violence and harmful practices(FGMC, domestic violence etc.)
  2. Wellbeing of Women, Girls and Children
  3. A peep into my life & world
  4. Motivation and Inspirational posts
  5. Community gists and news around the world as well

I intend to also throw in a few spontaneous and necessary posts. As we journey together this year on this blogging space, I hope we can have an engaging, intriguing and exciting time together!!!

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Njideka Ekuma Mbam: She Ran and Her Whole Community Had to Make A Decision

There are stories that you hear and it just gladens your heart in a warm way. And when something you were a part of contributes to the success of the story then you get a sense of fulfillment that you have made a difference in someone’s life. The telephone number featured on the FGMC sensitization radio drama “Pim Pim Pim” became a life line to people who attempted to get help for three girls on the run.

Njideka had listened to education talks about the negative effects of female genital mutilation and cutting also known as female circumcision on girls in school and in church. In her community girls must go through the rite of female circumcision to attain womanhood and soon the drums heralding her time to be cut began to sound.

A few days to her being circumcised Njideka ran to protect herself. Two other girls joined her. A series of event took place which finally lead to the IZZI community abandoning FGMC. Njideka is indeed a brave girl and a hero in the fight against a harmful cultural practice. Here is a short video telling her story and that of her community:

Adebisi Adetunji (C) BusyBee Media for Social Change & Development. Email – bisimodupe1975@gmail.com twitter – @DebisiBusybee 

Speaking out Against Gender Based Violence for #16days #GBV

 

25th November – 10th December are 16 days to bring to fore issues surrounding gender based violence every year.

I am hoping it will all not end on the talk tables. On femininematerz we will take a look at progress made in ending gender based violence and areas work still needs to be done.

The first step to putting a stop to GBV is for those who suffer in silence to speak up. Don’t die in silence, there is help out there.

This discussion continues in a next post…

Adebisi Adetunji (C)
BusyBee Media for Social Change & Development.
Email – bisimodupe1975@gmail.com