Would you say i am sorry when things go sour between you and a friend or loved one even when it is obvious that you are not the guilty party? Haa…haa tough one there…i mean why should i be the one to say i am sorry when i am not the one at fault!
Ok here is where i am going with this…A few days ago we all crawled into our couch in the living room to watch a family soap on TV. It was that kind of show that gets me rushing through my chores in the evening so i could follow the story. It was Super Story our weekly Thursday tunic as a family and in many homes in Nigeria. This episode featured a young couple who were barely three months old in their marriage and already drawing a sword and spear to attack each other. The young husband while driving home in his car was ready for a show down with his wife who apparently offended him that morning. The scene changed to the young wife standing on the balcony of their house soliloquizing and venting her anger at her husband. Now you get the picture of a set stage for a big fight! So Mr husband got home screaming his wife’s name as he entered the house only to get no response. He was angry that she was not even at the door to welcome him warmly. Finally he found her on the balcony of the house with arms folded across her chest. Why weren’t you at the door to welcome me? Didn’t you hear me calling your name over and over again… Said the young man expressing in annoyance. Mrs Wife retorted that she was in no mood to greet him. “Hen…hen…so…so i hope you managed to at least cook for your husband”, he replied irritated. Then Mrs wife pouncing from side to side said she would not cook any food until he apologized for what he had done wrong in the morning. I Chuckled where i was sited watching the drama and i said…“wa pe nbe”( you might wait forever). Then i looked at my husband to see how he would react to my statement. He had this very straight face…loaded with meaning. He obviously knew i was referring to men’s ego in such matters.
Anyways back to my TV drama…and that was how a big argument ensued between Mr & Mrs. Before we could say Jack Robinson the big argument turned into Mr husband slapping Mrs Wife and so on and so forth. As we say in pidgin English, “no be small thing o“! The incidence became a family matter where Mr husband’s father and mother challenged their son for daring to raise his hands against his wife. His Uncle was also present trying to intervene in the matter. Here is what i liked in this scene – his family asked him to explain why he allowed his anger to get as as far as hitting his woman. He initially said it was because she insulted his father. At that point i thought the family siting would suddenly turn against the young woman for her lack of respect for her father in-law. Instead Mr husband was asked to explain how their misunderstanding resulted into name calling of each others father and mother. The young man seeing that this didn’t work blurted out that his wife said she would not cook for him until he apologized for an earlier offense that occurred in the morning. His Uncle smiled and said, “I don’t want to know about what happened earlier in the morning because there would always be misunderstandings in any marriage”. He therefore told Mr husband that he could not make his wife unhappy in the morning and expect her to be smiling when he comes home in the evening. I laughed and thought this uncle was indeed a wise old man.
In my candid opinion the young wife lacked wisdom in matters regarding managing disputes in her marriage. She certainly had a lot to learn but sincerely also our men find it difficult to say the phrase “i am sorry when ever they offend their wives”. It is like they all went to a school of, “ never say i am sorry to a woman“. When they discover that they have been caught red handed with regard to being the one at fault they employ other means of placating the woman instead of simply saying i am sorry. Some men will even use what i call “bone face” to try to get the woman be at the receiving end of getting all the blame for a quarrel. Perhaps we seriously need a university that has a curriculum of I AM SORRY. What is so difficult about saying, I am sorry? Maybe because we do not understand its deeper meaning.
I am sorry means i accept that i am human and not perfect
I am sorry means i care about you
I am sorry means i want peace
I am sorry means that you are more important than whatever caused the fight
I am sorry means i can get to know and understand the other person better
I am sorry sweeps away seeds of bitterness before it takes root
I am sorry means i am humble
I am sorry means i am more mature
I am sorry gives you a clean slate to have another fight…if you must fight again!
Common get rid of the ego and simply be the first to say I am sorry. People are more important than whatever the issue is. Many years from now you probably won’t even remember what the fight was about. Our bros(men) make una add the grammer no vese or I am sorry to una vocabulary. No be hard thing!
Wa pe nbe: Yoruba way of saying it might take forever
No be small thing: Pidgin way of saying a matter is very serious
Bone face: Bull dozing your way out of accepting a fault
Make una add the grammer no vese or I am sorry to una vocabulary. No be hard thing: Pidgin words for, add the phrase, I am sorry to your vocabulary. It isn’t so hard to do.
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