Happy Sunday… How to have a Happy Start on Monday

Here is wishing you a peaceful Sunday
But you’ve got to prepare for a new week.

A quick reminder of things to do :
* My daughter or son will suddenly remember that their agricultural teacher asked them to plant a corn and I or their dad will just be hearing about it Sunday night while trying to relax in front of the TV! So to prevent this dramatic surprise make sure your kids have done their homework. They know how to leave this undone until Sunday night or early Monday morning. This will put you all in a cranky mode at the start of your week. Ask… Ask them… Check their note books to be sure.

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* All school uniforms or dress to be worn to school needs to be clean and ironed.

* Be sure that their socks and underwears are clean. Don’t imagine that they are… Many socks get left in school bags only to be discovered on Sunday night!

* Plan for breakfast meal for the first day of school at least if you don’t like a whole week’s timetable. And plan for lunch school take away.

* Don’t be tempted to only plan for your children… Plan for yourself too. Sort your cloths for the week too. Iron… Iron so you don’t go looking scruffy to the office.

* Remember to pack your bag. Pack your ID card, credit card, key card… All the cards… You know what I mean. You know women change bags to match their outfit each time. It can be so annoying to find out that your driver’s license is in the hand bag you used yesterday just when Road safety or patrol police stop you while driving through town.

* If you can make a list of what needs to get done on Monday… Office stuff and home chores.

Now how in heavens name is one suppose to enjoy a peaceful Sunday with all these?!!
Yaayi… Life must go on but take time out to still relax. Have a great Monday and start of the week.img_20170129_124752

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Story from the Corner of a Street: Regret & Weeping

STORY FROM THE STREETSSometimes you meet people, they look happy but at the core of their soul and heart something in their past hurts really badly. Things they wish had been, some things they wish never should have happened; all the Ifs hurt. I found myself caught on the corner of a street in a neighborhood I would only visit for field assignments.

It was on one of such call to duty that I met this woman who obviously managed to get by in her meager business. Here was this very energetic, funny and happy woman I was interviewing about her family. She burst into tears right in the middle of our interview chat…my recorder was still on…I simply stopped and wrapped my arms around her saying every words of comfort that came to my heart at that moment. It took a while before she calmed down.

What was this middle aged woman weeping about?

While growing up as a child her parents got separated. It wasn’t the typical court divorce, her mum just her dad for whatever reasons her little mind could not grasp. She had to live with her dad but wasn’t really happy because he married another woman and it was an uncomfortable environment for her. Sometime later her mum showed up and a fight broke out between her dad and mum over who should have custody of her. She wanted badly to stay with her mother and she cried until her dad angrily sent her to her mum. He refused to sponsor her education since she chose to stay with her mum who could not afford sending her to school. She could only get a primary education…these was the point where she busted into tears…

What I saw in her eyes beyond her words & tears:
She shook her head and stared at me her interviewer.
Her eyes said I could have been educated like you
My life would have been better today if only my parents tried to put me first.
Her body shook with pains as she cried out loud saying, “I really wanted to go to school”

It felt awkward but I felt her pain. I wish I could turn back the hand of the clock to right the wrong of not allowing her to go to school. I could only give her hope that the future could be bright. In my words, “your past doesn’t have to determine your future; you can still make it; you would still succeed; getting an education is still possible; God can still beautify your life”.

Finally she stopped crying and wiped her tears as I held her close. I do not take this encounter for granted. It was a privilege to share the pain of this woman who saw me as someone that represented what she could have had. I was educated; she wasn’t….NOT SO FAIR!

Every Girl, Every child deserve to go to school and be educated properly.
Adebisi Adetunji ©

14 years and still Counting….

14 years and still Counting…. FAMILY PIX
It looked like yesterday
We started out in a single room, sleeping on a mattress on the floor
There was no TV, no Stauffer
But we had a lot of love
There was no car, no carpet yet
But we enjoyed strolling down the road hand in hand
We didn’t earn big figures as salaries
But we enjoyed our dozes of vegetables, ponmo, eja kika and eba

FAMILY PIX

14 years and still counting
We have grown
We have more responsibilities
Our family is bigger
We have been to places
We are certainly not where we used to be
We are more blessed

14 years and still counting
We have got bigger dreams waiting to happen
Let the years roll on as we walk together hand in hand
Trusting our heavenly father to unfold bigger and beautiful things
Grateful for this gift…our home…our marriage!!!

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

When was the Last time you enjoyed your holiday?

The Summer holidays are here for school children, it’s a long one and parents have to think of creative ways to engage their wards. All over the city, bill boards advertising summer coaching, summer extra-curricular of all sorts. Seriously I think we are been very unfair to our kids. They had worked so hard during the school year and instead of allowing them to enjoy their holiday we put them in our cars and drop them off at another school coaching again!!!

I don’t know about you my children have a different idea about how they want to spend their holiday. Here is what they did on a visit to their grandparents  place. It was cousins time out building a house….

BUILDING A HOUSE

Allow your kids to have a memorable childhood…like this

It was time to build in the middle of grandpa’s bird houses…turkey, chicken and ducks

BIRDS
Two turkeys strolling together…Friendship bond

Testing the strength of our leaf thatched house

BUILDING A HOUSE 2

 

Checking if our house is roomy enough to sleep in.

BUILDING A HOUSE 3

Have a fun filled summer holiday and weekend!!!

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Life is Beautiful with you in it

It is the birthday season in my family. Here comes the MAY celebrant. We are Grateful for this precious Gift.

King David

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Small but mighty: Officially a teenager now at 13
Want to see some action on a party floor, My son is the one doing some dance steps
Boisterous and full of life, bold and not ashamed to express himself

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I get a lot of hugs with his arms wrapped around saying mum, i love you; you are a good mummy
The drummer Boy in the family

When i remember your journey into planet earth i can only thank God. Our family is truly blessed to have you be a part of our lives.

DAVID 3

May you grow to fulfill destiny and purpose
May you be a voice to reckon with in your generation
May you make the world a better place
May lives be blessed through you
May your life be rich and truly blessed

Happy birthday Son
Love: Dad, Mum & Ololade

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Happy Birthday to my Baby Girl

My baby girl is 9years today OLOLADE PIX 2

We call her “Ololade Baby -Mrs Money”

She likes to pose for pictures

OLOLADE
Ololade posing for a birthday pix with David 4years ago

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Sakara girl; loves to look good

Nine years ago we prayed hard that you would come safely

Your journey to the world was threatened but our prayers were answered

Here you are today 9years on, blossoming out into a beautiful lady

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Grateful for this precious gift from heaven

May you fulfill purpose and destiny

May your life be beautiful

May your life be a blessing to our world bringing many to know the love of our Saviour, Jesus Christ.

May your life be truly blessed!

Loads of love from mum, dad and David

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Yam for Decoration

New Year morning breakfast things in the kitchen….

Yam
A tuber of yam cut into three

Son: Mum the 2 pieces of yam in the cooler is it for decoration?
Mum: Do you guys seriously don’t want mummy to eat?! It’s not for decoration darling.
Son: (Disappointed)
Mum: (In her mind grumbling & smiling ) Haaa…these children

This morning, the 1st Day of January 2016, I lazily got out of bed around 10am to prepare breakfast knowing that I’ll soon be getting messages of “I am hungry, mummy what are we going to eat?” Fried yam with fish stew sounded like a great idea and easy to make…meaning that it will be ready in no time. My daughter said she would prefer boiled yam instead of frying it. But as soon as it was served and I rushed to the bathroom to take a shower before settling down to eat breakfast she and her brother came banging on our bedroom door!

Children: Mummy…mummy!
Mum: (In the bathroom shouts) What is it?!
Children: Can we have more yam?
Mum: (Sighs) I knew that would happen, ok go and help yourself

They did and left only two slices in the cooler. Then my daughter comes knocking at my door again while I was now dressing up.

Daughter: Mum are you still going to eat yam?
Mum: But I haven’t even eaten any yam yet.
Daughter: We didn’t know we thought that you had served yours (feeling guilty)

And that was when she confessed that there were only two pieces left, so I said no problem to ease her worries but I was wondering whether I wouldn’t go without breakfast at this rate. The little left of the big tuber of yam earlier cut and fried was my only hope. While I was cutting the few pieces I could get from it my son showed up asking me whether the two pieces they had managed to save was meant for decoration. I guess they seriously enjoyed the yam and fish stew…so delightful for me as a mother!

Mentally I was reminded of the many times in the out gone year 2015 that I had to sacrifice and eat something else when whatever meal I had prepared was not going to go round. I am thinking, why do mums have to go hungry at times in order to feed their families well? Perhaps my New Year goal should be succeeding at making sure the food goes round; getting everyone adequately fed including Mummy!!!…Ha..haa..haa
We are so grateful to God to be alive and well.

Fire works

Happy New Year to you from my family…. Celebrate with me also as i just made my 100th Post on femininematerz.

Photo Credits: Nigerian Eye & foodfacts mercola

Adebisi Adetunji

Why Women Work

Once upon a time there lived a rich man who had a very beautiful wife. He was a nice man who loved his wife so much and he provided for her well. He had more money than she could ever spend yet something troubled this family so badly. This rich man’s wife was not satisfied with all that he provided; she wanted something more but her husband refused to give her, her wish. Every now and then they argued over this matter but Mr Rich man refuse to grant her request. She became withdrawn and unhappy; their happy home didn’t sparkle with the usual laughter. He continued to lavish her with numerous gifts in order to take her mind off what she wanted. Something happened that changed their story completely. Mr Rich man’s source of income was suddenly cut off. This family moved from been very rich to barely been able to feed after a few months. “If only my wish had been granted perhaps our story would have been different”, said the wife when an argument broke out between them over their predicament. The man regretted never letting her work, but he waited too long before realizing its benefit.

Every now and then I hear stories of men who refuse to allow their wives to work. I am not talking about taking time off work to nurse your baby or have time to raise your kids for a while. There are actually men who insist that their wives would not work for amazingly shocking reasons. Some of these reasons are quite interesting:

• Fear of losing her to another man out there
• The believe that it makes him less than a man having his wife work for someone else
• A woman’s place should be in the home and her duty is to take care of her husband and kids.
• Fear of her earning more than him

These and more reasons that only such men can explain are why some men refuse to allow their wives work.
Why does anyone need to work? Why do women need to work?

WOMEN WORK
Women at work in a studio

For starters let me give a few reasons why I work:
• I was sent to school in order to be able to independently take care of myself at adulthood.
• My father would say I don’t want you to be a liability to any man; and I seriously refuse to be a liability.
• I studied hard in school to earn a degree so why should all that effort and money spent on giving me an education go to waste.
• I had dreams of who I wanted to become when I grow up so work for me is a means of seeing my dreams come true.
• Work gives me the opportunity to support my husband in handling the bills.
• I love going to the Mall to shop and enjoy strolling through the isle. It feels nice picking things from the shelves and throwing them into the trolley. Now this requires money, so I like the idea of been able to make money to spend at the mall.
• I want to be able to take care of my ageing parents and I won’t like to bug my husband every time for this.
• I want to be able to surprise my husband with my own money not His.
• Work affords me the opportunity to buy gifts for a friend’s daughter celebrating her birthday; help a person in need without putting pressure on the man in my life or other people.
• I’d like to see a nice dress or shirt and be able to purchase it for my kids.
• Work gives me the opportunity to travel to see other places.
I guess I sound like a career woman, there you caught me! Work for a woman is not limited to being a career person. Many women have their own business that they manage and a good number are successful at it. Check out some women in a popular market in Ibadan, where I reside in Nigeria….we call them Agbeni women. It would interest you that some of them can pay me double my salary. So whether it’s a business or career I believe every woman should work!

Why?
It is because every woman has something to contribute to her family more than just doing house chores; our economy; our society and the world at large. Imagine a world where women did not work at all…hmmmn…the men go tire! The men would be in serious trouble.
Work is the right of every adult human being, man or woman.

PARTING SHOT:

MEN: When your woman works you have saved yourself the burden of having to handle the bills all by yourself.

WOMEN: Empower yourself…Get up and work; don’t expect one man out there to solve all your financial problems. I am flabbergasted by the ideology of some young ladies I have met. They believe that getting married is the solution to all their financial needs. I’d say that works in a dream not reality. As predictable many of them soon find themselves married to an irresponsible man who cannot afford to take care of himself yet acquires many more wives.

Adebisi Adetunji

The University of “I am Sorry”

I-am-sorry-I-made-you-mad-doggy

Would you say i am sorry when things go sour between you and a friend or loved one even when it is obvious that you are not the guilty party? Haa…haa tough one there…i mean why should i be the one to say i am sorry when i am not the one at fault!

Ok here is where i am going with this…A few days ago we all crawled into our couch in the living room to watch a family soap on TV. It was that kind of show that gets me rushing through my chores in the evening so i could follow the story. It was Super Story our weekly Thursday tunic as a family and in many homes in Nigeria. This episode featured a young couple who were barely three months old in their marriage and already drawing  a sword and spear to attack each other. The young husband while driving home in his car was ready for a show down with his wife who apparently offended him that morning. The scene changed to the young wife standing on the balcony of their house soliloquizing and venting her anger at her husband. Now you get the picture of a set stage for a big fight! So Mr husband got home screaming his wife’s name as he entered the house only to get no response. He was angry that she was not even at the door to welcome him warmly. Finally he found her on the balcony of the house with arms folded across her chest. Why weren’t you at the door to welcome me? Didn’t you hear me calling your name over and over again… Said the young man expressing in annoyance. Mrs Wife retorted that she was in no mood to greet him. “Hen…hen…so…so i hope you managed to at least cook for your husband”, he replied irritated. Then Mrs wife pouncing from side to side said she would not cook any food until he apologized for what he had done wrong in the morning. I Chuckled where i was sited watching the drama and i said…“wa pe nbe”( you might wait forever). Then i looked at my husband to see how he would react to my statement. He had this very straight face…loaded with meaning. He obviously knew i  was referring to men’s ego in such matters.

Anyways back to my TV drama…and that was how a big argument ensued between Mr & Mrs. Before we could say Jack Robinson the big argument turned into Mr husband slapping Mrs Wife and so on and so forth. As we say in pidgin English, “no be small thing o“! The incidence became a family matter where Mr husband’s father and mother challenged their son for daring to raise his hands against his wife. His Uncle was also present trying to intervene in the matter. Here is what i liked in this scene – his family asked him to explain why he allowed his anger to get as as far as hitting his woman. He initially said it was because she insulted his father. At that point i thought the family siting would suddenly turn against the young woman for her lack of respect for her father in-law. Instead Mr husband was asked to explain how their misunderstanding resulted into name calling of each others father and mother. The young man seeing that this didn’t work blurted out that his wife said she would not cook for him until he apologized for an earlier offense that occurred in the morning. His Uncle smiled and said, “I don’t want to know about what happened earlier in the morning because there would always be misunderstandings in any marriage”. He therefore told Mr husband that he could not make his wife unhappy in the morning and expect her to be smiling when he comes home in the evening. I laughed and thought this uncle was indeed a wise old man.

In my candid opinion the young wife lacked wisdom in matters regarding managing disputes in her marriage. She certainly had a lot to learn but sincerely also our men find it difficult to say the phrase “i am sorry when ever they offend their wives”. It is like they all went to a school of, never say i am sorry to a woman. When they discover that they have been caught red handed with regard to being the one at fault they employ other means of placating the woman instead of simply saying i am sorry. Some men will even use what i call “bone face” to try to get the woman be at the receiving end of getting all the blame for a quarrel. Perhaps we seriously need a university that has a curriculum of I AM SORRY. What is so difficult about saying, I am sorry? Maybe because we do not understand its deeper meaning.

I am sorry means i accept that i am human and not perfect
I am sorry means i care about you
I am sorry means i want peace
I am sorry means that you are more important than whatever caused the fight
I am sorry means i can get to know and understand the other person better
I am sorry sweeps away seeds of bitterness before it takes root
I am sorry means i am humble
I am sorry means i am more mature
I am sorry gives you a clean slate to have another fight…if you must fight again!

Common get rid of the ego and simply be the first to say I am sorry. People are more important than whatever the issue is. Many years from now you probably won’t even remember what the fight was about. Our bros(men) make una add the grammer no vese or I am sorry to una vocabulary. No be hard thing!

Word Glossary

Wa pe nbe: Yoruba way of saying it might take forever

No be small thing: Pidgin way of saying a matter is very serious

Bone face: Bull dozing your way out of accepting a fault

Make una add the grammer no vese or I am sorry to una vocabulary. No be hard thing: Pidgin words for, add the phrase, I am sorry to your vocabulary. It isn’t so hard to do.

Photo Credit: I am sorry I made you mad doggy Facebook Cover

Adebisi Adetunji

A Dream come True

Graduation 1

13years ago when i just got married, a well meaning relative advised i and my husband to put child bearing on hold until we had both gotten our Masters degree. The idea was to position our selves for better career opportunities. This person spoke sincerely from his heart about how having children too early could make it impossible to achieve the dream of getting further education. We discussed our options and decided that we were not going to put having children on hold and believed that somehow we would still be able to achieve our dreams. For a woman its a double wait because that means calculating the nine months of pregnancy and at least two years of nursing that child properly.

At work many of my colleagues seem to be acquiring higher degrees while i struggled on to add my small earning into helping to support my husband in the running of our growing family. Every year I’d remind myself that someday soon I’ll purchase my post graduate form. Then in between this prayer and wish i would wonder where i would get the money to sponsor the course. The husband was already overloaded with family bills.  Finally a N20,000 business came along and i closed my ears to all other needs crying for my attention and purchased a form! That was how i punctured the impossible balloon of furthering my education. It was hard and tough having to combine my job and family with attending lectures/studying. Many nights after sorting out the family dinner and cleaning up, I’ll then settle down to catch up on an assignment and studying. Interestingly the course required me to report for field work at various agencies during its duration.

 

Graduation 3Graduation 2

I really must appreciate my family  who had to bare with me on days i couldn’t cook because i had deadlines to meet and many times “the husband” had to baby sit while mummy dashes of to the school library on weekends. It was a crazy schedule but today i reap the rewards of my hard work. Now i am a certified Social Worker! So i can take on clients and cases…sort of already doing that though. Loads of love to my family, friends and colleagues who supported me and made this possible.

So girl don’t give up on that your dream…its possible!

Adebisi Adetunji