Not Happy but Still In Love…Is this Possible?

love-and-happinessIs love tied to happiness? Yes, love does have something to do with happiness.

Do you feel happy all the time with the person you are in love with? Definitely NO!

Does that make you fall out of love with your partner? Possibly for some…

Where I’m I going with this?

I am just concerned about how we fall out of love in this generation simply because we are not feeling that happiness with our partner or spouse.
Every now and then you are here the lines: “Oh I have to be happy”, “My happiness matters”, “I have to do what makes me happy”. Did you notice the “I’s”, “My”. We are a people or should I say a generation of Me…me…me

Have you ever thought that Love is much more than what we make it be?

What is Love? Not easy to define sometimes but I’ll try

It is a good feeling: but doesn’t always feel good. So Love is more than just a feeling of butterflies

Love is a Choice: You can actually choose to love someone or choose not to. That’s when we say we fall out of love.

Love is not something out of control: So you are feeling so ecstatic about that woman/man; you can’t breathe, you can sleep, you can’t wait to be with him or her every time. Hmmm…love is definitely exciting but why does it sometimes Feazel away? Point here If he or she is married to someone better control that your love feeling or else risk becoming unhappy soon as he/she will also cheat on you soon.

Love can be pain staking/painful: Sometimes you are misunderstood for loving or your acts of love. Sometimes you have to go the extra mile to do something special. Love is willing to do so much more for the one it loves.

Love is humble: It is not self-seeking; it is not arrogant. You must know that you can be wrong so admit it when you are to your partner or spouse.

Love fights- Be very sure that you will engage in arguments and have fights with the one you love. It is perfectly normal and I don’t mean physically punching each other. So misunderstandings help you both to get to know each other as you handle your conflicts rightly.

Love is a stickler or should I say a sticker: It doesn’t just walk away simply because some things are not perfect. It doesn’t give up easily on its partner or spouse. Love is a stickler or should I say a sticker

Love is committed- Love does not stay only on days it feels good.

Is your love all about making you feel good?

Love is much more than happiness

I really don’t how to say this forgive me if it seems like I am ranting…

We need to love moreour marriages need to be more than just about ourselves and how we feel. You have a right and need to be happy in your marriage relationship but how much are you willing to give it to make it work?

Love is so much more…selfless and unselfish.
Before you walk away are you loving right?!

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Pleeeeese…what is the issue here: Don’t Marry a woman who can’t cook?

DO NOT MARRY A WOMAN WHO CAN NOT COOK?
DO NOT MARRY A MAN WHO HAS NO JOB?
Seriously why is this a trending issue?

Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion. I do not want to get into the argument but I do have a few frank things to say here:

A man may not necessarily marry a woman because she is a fantastic cook if I may say but seriously you need to know how to cook some good food as a woman.

WHY?
• You need to eat healthy
• You need to save some money for other things instead of having to visit the various eateries
• What exactly do you want to feed your children and family with…junks?
• And by the way won’t it be fun to be the one to teach both your son and daughter how to prepare delicious and well balanced meals…

My husband cooks and I cook and I am grateful to my mother in-law for being a good cook and teaching him how to cook.

• Why should my man know how to cook and I don’t…that’s letting men win again!!!
• I like the idea of been in charge of my kitchen

Believe it or not been a good cook is a big issue in some marriages so ladies you have to pay attention.

Don’t marry a man who has no job?

My take:

A man doesn’t have to have a seven digit paying job but he should be empowered enough to bring some money home to take care of his family.

Some women have found themselves in a bottled neck relationship where they handle all the bills…this is not funny! And lady you might not mind for a while because you are head over hills in love with him…soon it will become a source of tension and fights as bills pile up.

So think again before you tie the knot with a man who simply lives on empty promises of getting a job soon and you have been dating him for a year now.

Some women even pay all the wedding bills and the “dear husband” thinks it is going to be “wifey Christmas money” all the way. She struggles with it for thee rest of her marriage life.

I guess we all get to choose who we end up with in a marriage…the ball is in your court.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye opener. What you can not put up with later don’t keep managing it…it will only become a big issue later.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

…..But YOU are A WOMAN – Dividends for MEN Allowing WOMEN to BECOME…

One morning while driving to work we tuned up our radio to listen to news updates, sports and any other good programme that floats out of the media. On this day it turned out to be a sports programme. I and my husband enjoyed the presenter’s style of presentation in the Yoruba language which was breezy, funny and just about right for that kind of programme. It was fun until I heard this conversation between the presenter and a caller on the programme: Women sport

Sports Presenter: Please share your thoughts on what games you think Nigeria will do well in, in the Rio Olympics 2016.
(Studio Phone Rings)
Lady: Hello…
Sports Presenter: Hello Lady…share your thoughts please…
Lady: I believe Nigeria will do well in the Track events.
Sports Presenter: Wonderful, so what sport do you like.
Lady: I love football…
Sports Presenter: Football?!! But you are a woman…
Lady: Yes I am a woman who is a football fan and lover.
Sports Presenter: Ok o…thank you for calling.

I was annoyed that in this 21st Century a man…”a media man” who is supposed to be educating people about been gender friendly still believes that some sport should be gender based. I mean as a sports presenter he should be aware that there are female football clubs/leagues as well as players!!!

In Sports like Rugby and American football that in my opinion are games of stamina and believed to be dangerous if a player gets injured badly…women are stars in these games. So seriously our men particularly African men should accept the fact that women are succeeding in every facet of life whether as sports women, politicians, CEO’s, Managers and so on.

When women are allowed to use their talents everyone benefits from it particularly the men!!!
For example: The Williams Sisters are women Tennis Champions…I know for sure that their dad and the men in their lives are so proud of them. And of course they get to share in the dividends of their success *wink*

So please as we say in a local slang in Nigeria”Free me o”! Allow women to become, celebrate them; tell them they can do it…for indeed they can!!!

Photo Source: Women’s Sports Foundation

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Dino Melaye: A Lawmaker Assaults fellow female lawmaker? What kind of laws would individuals like this make?!!!!

Dino Melaye a Senator of the Federal Republic of Nigeria threatens to beat and rape a fellow Senator, Oluremi Tinubu at an executive meeting held July 14, 2016 in the hallowed chamber of the Senate. He boasted that he would beat her and nothing will come of it… Oluremi has since written a letter asking for security protection.

Dino’s Previous scandals  on violent tendencies
In 2011,  Dino Melaye led a team as a member of the  House of representative  and started a brawl that led to the death of a member.

How is it that a law maker who has a history of violence against women (and anyone for that matter) gets to hold such a sensitive leadership position?

Melaye’s response to the allegation“She called me a dog and when she called me a dog I stood up and I reacted….”

Is this enough reason to have threaten to abuse, rape and impregnate her? Sincerely i am bewildered by the kind of people we have holding key positions in our country. Mostly we celebrate “rubbish” – violence, crime, money launderers, and corrupt individuals.

We forget easily the misgivings of this people and elect them into office the next time an election shows up.

What kind of laws would such individuals come up with?!!!

Adebisi Adetunji(C)

Interesting Angles to the sexual assault Bill : Lecturers and “Female Students” in Nigerian Tertiary Institutions

Lectures protest a new bill that provide for a 5 year jail term for lecturers who sexually assault (female) students.

Oga lecturer

A discussion with some of my male colleagues at work about this new bill opens other angles to this issue. Some are saying that female students sexually harass their lecturers through provocative dressing. In fact they argued that some female student’s dressing showing all their boobs, thighs and cleavage says i am available. I am even told that even heavy makeup and clean looking legs turns some men on. Does that mean that looking sexy might mean sending the wrong signal according to the men?

I am presuming that this protest by lecturers has to do with the fear that now that female students and parent can take legal action against lecturers whom they believe is guilty of sexual harassment, some lecturers might be victimized.

My angle on this matter:
I find it funny that lecturers are protesting a bill that seeks to punish assault against female students sexually. Are they claiming that they are the victims here? I mean many female students have been victims of sexual assault from male lecturers for as long as i can remember. There are many stories of female students who get an extra year or two simply because they refused to give in to the sexual yearnings of their lecturers. Interestingly too the boy friends of such girls also get the hammer. They also fail because they are the wall between the lecturer and his dream sexual exploit.

So i say this bill is a great step in the right direction for unwilling female students who refuse to sleep with their lecturers just to be in his good favor/pass their exams.

Listening to the news paper dailies this morning i listened to how some lecturers in the bid to prevent the bill from been passed said that “Universities have a way of handling sexual assault offend cases and that should be enough”?! Seriously i find the whole thing humorous…hee…heee as we say sometimes “I laugh in French”.

A peep into the bill:

“An educator shall be guilty of committing an offence of sexual harassment against a student if he/she has sexual intercourse with a student.

“He or she shall be guilty if he has sexual intercourse with a student or demands for sex from a student or a prospective student as a condition to study in an institution.

“He or she shall be guilty if he has sexual intercourse with a student or demands for sex from a student or a prospective student as a condition to the giving of a passing grade.

“ He or she shall be guilty if he solicits sex from or makes sexual advances at a student when the sexual solicitation or sexual advances result in an intimidating, hostile or offensive environment for the student.

“He or she shall be guilty if he directs or induces another person to commit any act of sexual harassment under this Act, or cooperates in the commission of sexual harassment by another person.

“He or she shall be guilty if he grabs, hugs, rubs or strokes or touches or pinches the breasts or hair or lips or hips or buttocks or any other sensual part of the body of a student.

“He or she shall be guilty if he displays, gives or sends by hand or courier or electronic or any other means naked or sexually explicit pictures or videos or sex related objects to a student.

“He or she shall be guilty if he whistles or winks at a student or screams or exclaims or jokes or makes sexually complimentary or uncomplimentary remarks about a student’s physique,”(Culled from Premium Times Nigeria)

Seriously Now

Lecturers are made up of the female and male gender and this bill mentions that both gender could be the culprit. In other words even female lecturers are not allowed to sexually harass male students. Do female lecturers also harass male students? Ok maybe i don’t know but i am aware that it will be in a subtle manner which does not still excuse such act.

The crux of the matter is this lecturers should design a means of maintaining their integrity. The way i see it if you have not been guilty of sexually harassing students before and principled, you have nothing to fear about this bill. The sledge hammer will only come down on the guilty. And seriously students know lecturers who are principled and should not be messed with.

And to our female students just because there is a bill now protecting you, it doesn’t mean you can now walk all over your lecturers. If you use this an opportunity to blackmail, it will come back to hunt you. And ladies dress like you want to be addressed!!

The moral behind this is that every man must learn to exercise self discipline and control especially when you are in a position of authority. Because the people under you are put there in trust- Damola Tinubu

As a lecturer  students are under your tutelage in trust!

Photo Credit: Oga Lecturer

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

A worrisome Protest/Trend

STUDENTS ON PROTEST
Students protesting in Oyo State

Friday the 3rd of June, 2016 was just another day and it had been a busy one at work for me. So here I was exhausted and on my way home. I carried my hand bag on one shoulder and my lap top bag with all my working tools heavily on the other shoulder. I matched down the stairs walking all the way from the third floor. Just when I stepped outside; I caught a glimpse of secondary school students marching towards my office building in a protest. This was a warning sign that something was seriously wrong…I mean I can’t remember the last time students in secondary school took to the streets in protest. So I had to wait a while to be sure it was even safe to step outside the gate even though their grievance was not targeted towards me or other people on the street.

Finally they gathered at the gate and angry chants about the  new state government policy to have a public-private ownership of some of their schools (Public schools). These children felt that their parents would not be able to afford the fees when this policy goes through. In fact many of their parents who work in the public service have not been paid their salaries for months. And rightly so in my own opinion this new policy would definitely affect the number of children of low income earners who gets the privilege of been educated.

This protest was to be the first one, as on Monday the 6th June, 2016 more students joined the protest. This time some leaders of the Nigerian Labour Congress(NLC), Oyo state chapter where in custody of the Police over an alleged disruption of a stakeholders meeting held with concerned government officials on the matter of the new policy. As far as a number of people were concerned it was simply an attempt by government to shelve their responsibility towards the people on education.

The protest became somewhat destructive as students were alleged to have attacked some government buildings. Right now Public Schools in the state have been closed down to prevent further escalation of the conflict.

It is worrisome that half the time the school year calendar timetable  of public schools are disrupted and  spent dealing with one crisis or the other between the state government and teachers or Labour Union. Pupils supposed to be in school are loafing around and getting engaged in truancy.

How did we even get here? The question is,  do we want “our children” to really get an education?  Our founding fathers left legacies that we are still all benefiting from, why can’t  we consolidate on providing something much better.

I look at many institutions that had been established over many decades,  structures of these buildings have endured the test of time over the years. Ask our generation and those that are behind to construct an institution that is meant to serve generations yet unborn and we come up with buildings that soon begin to crumble/crash.

Education is one non -negotiable legacy we must continue to give to generation after generation. It should be made affordable and accessible to all. Children should be in school and not on the streets protesting!

Which way Oyo State? Would our public schools become in-affordable to many children and their parents? It is not about what is convenient but about making the right sacrifice now so that we can have a better future.

All Children matter; no matter their level in the social strata

Adebisi Adetunji(C)

Beyond Flowers, Chocolate & Ice-Cream

 

Flowers 4Every time a guy or should i say “gentle man” brings a bunch of flower to his sweet heart the girl’s heart melts into a cream of love… if you know what i mean. The bunch of flowers accompanied with a cozy time out together says “I’ve got eyes only for you”. And the lady travels into the world of a far away never ending love story.

The magic of the moment is complete when the “gentle man” pushes his chair back at the special dinner table and goes on bend knees. A flashing diamond ring appears…a symbol of commitment…a life together and the lady mesmerized and hardly able to breath whispers a “yes” with eyes glittering and tears threatening to fall.

It was one of the best days for the two love birds. All too quickly plans for sealing the engagement and moving unto a forever happily union begins. Boy marries girl of his dream; girl marries the love of her life and the journey begins.

Expectations are high and they both believed that their love can only grow stronger as they tied the knot. They soon found out that it was a lot more than they expected. Soon the “gentle man” turned husband forgets her birthday; he forgets to bring her flowers; very few times of chocolate and Ice-cream or not all. The Lady finds out that being married meant been able to organize a home: cooking, doing the dishes, laundry, running after the kids to get them ready for school, running errands for almost everyone in the house. The enormous responsibility weighs heavily on her and she thinks “no way i didn’t bargain for this! Just because i got married doesn’t mean i am anybody’s house help”…”I deserve to be treated better”.

Where i am going with this: I am definitely for a man helping out with house chores but seriously if you are thinking of getting married as a girl it is more than flowers,chocolate, and Ice-cream. It is serious work…serious responsibility! A woman is the Managing Director of her home and her job is not swerving around in a chair and dishing out commands. She has to role up her sleeves and get down to work.

Why this is an issue: Many young girls dream away not understanding the realities that comes with marriage and managing a home. I know of a few ladies who got married and are having serious trouble with keeping their homes tidy and generally been able to take care of their new and young family. This is causing a lot of tension in the union.

Face the fact: If you want to get married as a woman, know how to cook, keep a clean and tidy home, know what it means to manage a home. Hey, your man may serve you breakfast in bed, may help with some chores in the house but 90% of the rest of your life together…you are in charge!

Marriage is hard work …to make it work….Take your home economics or home management course seriously!!! Hee…heee…(Laughter) This is not to say marriage is not fun and sweet…with the right partner who by the way is not a perfect human being.

Remember it goes beyond the flowers, chocolate & Ice-Cream Girls!!! Flowers 3

 

Ice cream

 

Photo Credits:

Ice Cream PNG image

Dreamstime.com

Pinterest.com

Diy Enthusiasts.com

 

Adebisi Adetunji (C)