Shela’s Dad had a Frown on his Face

angry-dad-2

Wehena stared down at me and smiled. I tried to get up but dizziness engulfed me. She gave me a hot potion to drink from a calabash and told me to rest because I was with child. Shivering and in shock, I suddenly remembered what had happened between Manya and I the night before.

At last, I was going to have a child, now my husband would love me dearly, now the gossips would stop. Day by day my baby grew and Manya walked tall in the village. Wehena, brought food for me every now and then; she was proud that her first grandchild was on the way. We all looked forward to the arrival of this child. Finally the day came.

Manya held the baby smiling but there was a sad line around the corner of his mouth. We celebrated and named her, Shela . A few days later Mama visited me to shower some love on her first grandchild. She asked me about a scar she saw on my face, I told her it was just a farm work injury. Then she said, “Tarra, I hope you get pregnant soon again”. I laughed. “Come on mama Shela, is just a few days old, and I’m still healing up”. She smiled and told me that a woman can only earn respect and show the strength of her husband when she gives him a son. I had seen the shadow cross Manya’s face as he held his daughter the day she was born.

Excerpt from my short story, “Face in the Mirror”.

Every child  boy or girl is a great gift.

Many girls lift and hold the hands of their fathers at old age

Gender does not determine strength.

Photo Credit: Angry father Stock Photos

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Pleeeeese…what is the issue here: Don’t Marry a woman who can’t cook?

DO NOT MARRY A WOMAN WHO CAN NOT COOK?
DO NOT MARRY A MAN WHO HAS NO JOB?
Seriously why is this a trending issue?

Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion. I do not want to get into the argument but I do have a few frank things to say here:

A man may not necessarily marry a woman because she is a fantastic cook if I may say but seriously you need to know how to cook some good food as a woman.

WHY?
• You need to eat healthy
• You need to save some money for other things instead of having to visit the various eateries
• What exactly do you want to feed your children and family with…junks?
• And by the way won’t it be fun to be the one to teach both your son and daughter how to prepare delicious and well balanced meals…

My husband cooks and I cook and I am grateful to my mother in-law for being a good cook and teaching him how to cook.

• Why should my man know how to cook and I don’t…that’s letting men win again!!!
• I like the idea of been in charge of my kitchen

Believe it or not been a good cook is a big issue in some marriages so ladies you have to pay attention.

Don’t marry a man who has no job?

My take:

A man doesn’t have to have a seven digit paying job but he should be empowered enough to bring some money home to take care of his family.

Some women have found themselves in a bottled neck relationship where they handle all the bills…this is not funny! And lady you might not mind for a while because you are head over hills in love with him…soon it will become a source of tension and fights as bills pile up.

So think again before you tie the knot with a man who simply lives on empty promises of getting a job soon and you have been dating him for a year now.

Some women even pay all the wedding bills and the “dear husband” thinks it is going to be “wifey Christmas money” all the way. She struggles with it for thee rest of her marriage life.

I guess we all get to choose who we end up with in a marriage…the ball is in your court.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye opener. What you can not put up with later don’t keep managing it…it will only become a big issue later.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

…..But YOU are A WOMAN – Dividends for MEN Allowing WOMEN to BECOME…

One morning while driving to work we tuned up our radio to listen to news updates, sports and any other good programme that floats out of the media. On this day it turned out to be a sports programme. I and my husband enjoyed the presenter’s style of presentation in the Yoruba language which was breezy, funny and just about right for that kind of programme. It was fun until I heard this conversation between the presenter and a caller on the programme: Women sport

Sports Presenter: Please share your thoughts on what games you think Nigeria will do well in, in the Rio Olympics 2016.
(Studio Phone Rings)
Lady: Hello…
Sports Presenter: Hello Lady…share your thoughts please…
Lady: I believe Nigeria will do well in the Track events.
Sports Presenter: Wonderful, so what sport do you like.
Lady: I love football…
Sports Presenter: Football?!! But you are a woman…
Lady: Yes I am a woman who is a football fan and lover.
Sports Presenter: Ok o…thank you for calling.

I was annoyed that in this 21st Century a man…”a media man” who is supposed to be educating people about been gender friendly still believes that some sport should be gender based. I mean as a sports presenter he should be aware that there are female football clubs/leagues as well as players!!!

In Sports like Rugby and American football that in my opinion are games of stamina and believed to be dangerous if a player gets injured badly…women are stars in these games. So seriously our men particularly African men should accept the fact that women are succeeding in every facet of life whether as sports women, politicians, CEO’s, Managers and so on.

When women are allowed to use their talents everyone benefits from it particularly the men!!!
For example: The Williams Sisters are women Tennis Champions…I know for sure that their dad and the men in their lives are so proud of them. And of course they get to share in the dividends of their success *wink*

So please as we say in a local slang in Nigeria”Free me o”! Allow women to become, celebrate them; tell them they can do it…for indeed they can!!!

Photo Source: Women’s Sports Foundation

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Dino Melaye: A Lawmaker Assaults fellow female lawmaker? What kind of laws would individuals like this make?!!!!

Dino Melaye a Senator of the Federal Republic of Nigeria threatens to beat and rape a fellow Senator, Oluremi Tinubu at an executive meeting held July 14, 2016 in the hallowed chamber of the Senate. He boasted that he would beat her and nothing will come of it… Oluremi has since written a letter asking for security protection.

Dino’s Previous scandals  on violent tendencies
In 2011,  Dino Melaye led a team as a member of the  House of representative  and started a brawl that led to the death of a member.

How is it that a law maker who has a history of violence against women (and anyone for that matter) gets to hold such a sensitive leadership position?

Melaye’s response to the allegation“She called me a dog and when she called me a dog I stood up and I reacted….”

Is this enough reason to have threaten to abuse, rape and impregnate her? Sincerely i am bewildered by the kind of people we have holding key positions in our country. Mostly we celebrate “rubbish” – violence, crime, money launderers, and corrupt individuals.

We forget easily the misgivings of this people and elect them into office the next time an election shows up.

What kind of laws would such individuals come up with?!!!

Adebisi Adetunji(C)

She Built a House under His Nose

HOUSE MODEL

There has been argument for and against a woman building a house without her husband’s knowledge. Unlike in developed countries where housing is planned and anyone wanting to own a house has to buy one, in Africa it’s a different ball game. You want a house or want to be a “landlord” as we say, you have to go through the process of buying a land and saving or loaning money to build your desired dream home.

Largely men are expected by society to be the “chief owners” and landlords of houses. Again i found out that more women now take up this role when they have the resources to own their own properties. Interestingly even though in times past women’s right to own their own lands, houses and properties was frowned at by society my grandmother who is now late had not just a house but she owned a number of properties and did manage to leave a good inheritance for her children.

Now where am i going with this gist? Well there seem to be a lot of quarrel over a woman building a house or even owning a property without the “express permission” of her husband. There are those men who do not like the idea of their wives building a house at all. To them it is like undermining their ability to be “the man” that should provide/leadership role. The other side of the divide are women who do not carry along their husbands in this great investment of building a house/owning a property. When such a man finds out all hell breaks loose. It becomes a big family feud that will require external intervention. Sometimes these marriages break as a result.

I believe there should be nothing hidden between spouses. If i have a land or would like to build, I’ll carry my husband along in my plans. In fact i turned up my nose against women who leave their husband in the dark about such huge steps until i heard this story…

There is this couple whom i would refer to as Mr & Mrs Ray. Mrs Ray purchased a land and built a house without the knowledge of her husband Mr Ray. She held this secret tightly to her heart and revealed it when something happened. Mr Ray’s family showed up one day to inform her that their son, Mr Ray had a baby by another woman. They pleaded with her to forgive him of this betrayal and our dear Mrs Ray refused to go berserk because of this news. Days later she invited her husband to the location of her property to show him the house she had built. Mr Ray went into a shock. When he did recover he accused her of “backstabbing”and was very furious with her. Why did Mrs Ray acquire her own property secretly? Could it be that she did not trust her husband? Perhaps so because it was later revealed by her that Mr Ray collected every penny she made from her business often and had assaulted her physically. A lot happened between them that i would not like to go into in this story but the couple eventually separated.

Sad way for that marriage to have ended but i am forced to ask what is wrong with a woman owning properties, lands and houses? Why do some men feel threatened by this?

A man who supports his woman will be the bigger beneficiary of the dividend.

Men and Women should support one another to succeed for the world can be no better with just one of the gender.

Photo Credit: How to make a model of a house

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Her Seeds won’t Grow

PLANT IN THEE EARTH

Twenty four full moons had passed; the gossips continued. Even Kala my friend asked me if it was true that my husband was impotent. It was the end of our friendship. In the village I felt embarrassed to walk among the people and at home Manya treated me like an enemy. I prayed that the gods would bless me soon.

One evening while thinking about my troubles, tired from the day’s farm work, I nodded off on the wooden chair in front of our hut. The gentle breeze was comforting. Suddenly, I felt a strong arm grip mine, Manya was back. I quickly got up and welcomed him. He took my place on the chair. He was hungry and I hadn’t cooked. “At least you can cook my meals, since you are an empty barrel”, he said. I felt pained in my heart and tried to speak, “The gods will shine on us soon” The words were still in my mouth when I felt a sharp pain across my face. Dizziness and darkness engulfed me and I staggered backwards. I felt his hands all over my body and heard his furious voice,” You will never challenge me again ….lazy woman”. My screams must have been heard ten compounds away, but it is a man’s business what he does with his wife.

Excerpt from my short story: Face in the Mirror

Thoughts of concern:

How is it that it is a woman’s fault every time she can not conceive?

It is everyone’s business when a man displays violence towards his wife.

Adebisi Adetunji

Stepping up the Game: It’s our Day #IWD

A collections of photos to celebrate and encourage women:

How do you see yourself?

STRONG WOMAN 1
quotesgram.com

Overwhelmed, find a balance:

OVERWHELMED FIND A BALANCE
Funny encouragement cards: pinterest

You are much stronger than you think, don’t let your situation put your back on the ground:

STRONG WOMAN 2
encouragement archives. losethecape.com

Don’t belittle yourself; Don’t give up on your dreams

encouragement
writersdigest.com

Celebrate yourself as a woman; celebrate the women in your life.

Reach farther than the stars , beyond the skies are greater possibilities.

Adebisi Adetunji

“Woman Wrapper”

A wrapper is typical attire worn by African women. It is a big cloth tied around the waist and it comes in different array of fabrics depending on culture and people. WRAPPER TYING 2

But that is not what I am referring to here.

Woman wrapper is a pidgin language figurative way of saying that a woman/wife has her man wrapped around her fingers or that she has full control of him. I laugh in French as a friend of mine would say every time I hear the phrase “woman wrapper”. It is a big cultural taboo to have a man do certain types of chores for his wife in some communities. God help you if you are a wife who is married to a man from a very traditional minded background. Hen…your in-laws come to your home and find their son plucking ewedu, efo…or any kind of vegetable…chai…you won’t hear the last of it. You are likely to be reported to all the other family members who would summon their son(your husband) and ask him whether he is in charge of his wife! I mean what is the issue about a man helping his wife to do some house chores whether it be cooking, washing her cloths (laughter…hee…hee…hee…seriously?!) or plucking vegetable leaves?

Let me paint a personal picture of what I mean. On a Sunday we took two cars to church. I drove one and my darling husband drove the other car. After the service I reminded him that we needed either meat or fish to make our meal for lunch complete. Few minutes later he came to where I was chatting with friends in church and said, “I will help get the meat at the market”. I smiled and was totally delighted at not having to go to the market. In my heart I told myself how lucky I am to have such a wonderful man for a husband. Then I remembered that we still needed a vegetable called ewedu…a Yoruba special. ewedu-leaves

I quickly walked up to him in his car and reminded him about this but I had to stylishly say it in such a way that was respectful. Why? Hmmm…another man who joined him was sited beside him in the car. I had to paint a picture that didn’t look like I was asking my dear husband to do the forbidden job of going to the market instead of his wife. When I left both of them and got into my own car, I shook my head and chuckled. It wasn’t like I went home to relax; I still had some cleaning to do before the meat and other stuff arrived from the market purchased by “the husband”. And when he did arrive, I was on my feet cooking and washing while he relaxed but I was really relieved by his offer to help me do the shopping.

I have heard other men say, “It is a privilege and not a right if I help my wife to do the house chores after all it is her heaven given duty”. Some would not even lift a finger to help at all. Abeg (please) I am also the daughter of someone who would not have me worn out and crushed under the load of running my home…I cannot come and die…wink! And guys/men you wonder why your woman is not always in the mood for smooching and sex? You wonder why she doesn’t know that you still love her? Come on helping a woman with some of the chores, cooking, market duty or whatever is also a way of saying “I love you”!

So for me I say to my own dear sweetie, honey, sugar…Adeyemi…I love you to the moon and back for all that you do to make feel special. ME AND HONEY

Photo credit: Allnigerianfoods.com

Photo credit: Nairaland.com

Adebisi Adetunji