Once upon a time in a faraway wonderland, a Princess charming proposes to the love of her life in the glare of a mesmerized audience. He stood and watched her go on her knees with the audience holding their breath waiting to see how this love story will end. Princess charming brings out the ring, a token that says she was ready to spend the rest of her life with him. He stood still for a while and then begins to walk towards her and the crowd became excited. He lifts up his Princess charming and holds her in an embrace. Just as their audience is about to begin to applaud, he breaks the embrace and walks away. Princess charming was left standing and holding her proposal ring and as the truth sinks in, she breaks down in big sobs. Oh, the embarrassment in front of their live audience who were already taking pictures and videoing the show! Princess charming begins to scream and then goes hysterical running through the crowd looking for somewhere to hide.
Now this story certainly didn’t have a “happily ever after”, ending that we are all used to. I wish it were just a fairy tale or fiction but it a true life event. Last week on Facebook the story of the lady who proposed to her man in a big mall and was turned down by him dominated the social media at least in Nigeria. There has been a lot of interesting discussions about that very emotional scene as the lady was uncontrollably heartbroken. It turned out her guy was already married…see wahala and gbege!!(Trouble & shocking).
I saw another post of two ladies in separate locations and pictures proposing to their men. This time it looked like the guys accepted. Now whether these photos were shared on social media to create more humor or mock the first event, I’m not sure. The question now is, has the wooing game changed? It is one thing to show a guy or even tell him that you like him, it is a different kettle of fish to now propose to him.
A quick definition: To Woo is to seek the affection or love of someone, usually a woman(www.dictionary.com). It also means to pursue, persuade that person that you are a good person to marry 😀(cambridge dictionary). It is to court, chase after until you win someone’s love.
What many people are saying about the issue:
It is easy to sit on the judgment seat and tear this lady with words like; “What was she thinking! “Desperate girl”! “Cheap girl”, “Didn’t her mother teach her anything?”, “A disgrace to her family”! These and so much has been said about this lady in question. Yours sincerely(me) too has had a few things to say about this lady’s action of daring to step up and letting her man know she was ready to tie the knot. Trust my African clan, we will reel out every rule that should govern a love relationship. It is believed that the proper and honorable thing to do is for a man to ask for “the hand of his bride to be from her and her family”
Now let’s try to be gracious to this dear lady: She had a good reason for going ahead to propose and I only wish we could hear her own side of the story
I believe in the old school way of allowing the man to propose. There is something nice about a man going all out to woo you. And the magic of been treated like a princess when after he had succeeded in getting you to date him for some time, he proposes! My head looks like it is in the clouds but is that not what we women want? Dear sister women being emotional beings do not have the shock absolver that men have! Don’t get me wrong we are strong but when a woman is rejected …. Ask men, it is not easy to accept that no from a woman they dream of sharing their lives with.
When a person says No to a marriage proposal, man or woman as is the case in the main story of this post, it means you are not what I want; it is a rejection. Therefore you will feel rejected; not loved, embarrassed and it hurts your heart and ego too!
Question: Can you handle these emotions Lady?
Why you shouldn’t do the wooing or propose:
- Somewhere down the line, your man may begin to taunt you with the fact that you proposed when issues arise especially if he didn’t think through his choice. You want to be able to remind him that he came looking for you.
- I also think that going ahead to propose makes you look desperate and trust me the man may not be ready yet.
- Men are territorial, they like a challenge so let him do the wooing and proposing. If you have been dating for a while and you are sure that you both love each other enough to settle down in marriage, give him what I call the green light. This means subtly let him know that you are ready to go all the way but let him make up his mind and choose to take it forward.
- If you propose and he says no, think what that might do to your self-esteem.
Stay cool, calm and collected, that man that loves and knows your worth will eventually show up. By the way, your life is so much more than just being in a relationship.