Happy Valentine : Choose to Enjoy Your Day

The love bug has caught on… Valentine is here and amazingly in my office more people are dressed in other colors apart from the red Valentine color. Interestingly many have on a touch of black and white… Is this the new Valentine color? 😁

Love goes beyond Valentine’s day. Whatever you do,  enjoy your day. If there is no date invitation from anyone celebrate yourself and enjoy your day.

Be grateful for all the beautiful things going on in your life besides having a man to dote on you.

And this is an opportunity to tell someone, it could be your spouse, kids, friends, mum and dad that you love him or her.
My kids gave me warm hug this morning to say “Happy Valentine’s Day mum”. Who says this day has to be all about lovers!

So enjoy your day; love yourself and if you like give yourself a treat.

From me… Loads of love and kisses💞😘😘

Adebisi Adetunji (C)


Woman to Woman Talk #27 Stop Stressing Yourself About What You Can’t Change

We women are emotional beings and therefore little things can upset us. In a relationships women are the most hit when things take a downward turn or it doesn’t work out totally.

This is a short and straight to the point post that says to you : Stop Stressing yourself about what you can’t change in your man! People don’t change easily and so you are not responsible for his action but you can choose how you react to it.

Your peace of mind and sanity is important. Some of us try so hard to change our man but nothing is working. The nagging, frustration, tears and stress pile up.

My candid advice:
He may never change. Accept what you can but not when it is a physically abusive relationship. This one you must escape for your life!!

I am talking about issues between you and your spouse that borders on… He didn’t help with bathing the children; he didn’t give me enough money, he doesn’t care enough, he did this or that… Seriously ask him to help! Some men will see you doing all the work and just believe that you are fine… Ask him to help… Tell him you are tired and exhausted.

On other family issues please stop stressing yourself. Find a way around the issues and make yourself Happy.

No one is responsible for your happiness, you and God are. Human beings are so not perfect.

Be grateful for what you have; stop comparing your spouse with other people’s husband. Relax God is in control!

Stop stress yourself about what you can’t change woman. Enjoy your life.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Woman To woman Talk #25: Who is Wooing Who: Prince or Princess Charming?

Credits : pixabay.com

Once upon a time in a faraway wonderland, a Princess charming proposes to the love of her life in the glare of a mesmerized audience. He stood and watched her go on her knees with the audience holding their breath waiting to see how this love story will end. Princess charming brings out the ring, a token that says she was ready to spend the rest of her life with him. He stood still for a while and then begins to walk towards her and the crowd became excited. He lifts up his Princess charming and holds her in an embrace. Just as their audience is about to begin to applaud, he breaks the embrace and walks away. Princess charming was left standing and holding her proposal ring and as the truth sinks in, she breaks down in big sobs. Oh, the embarrassment in front of their live audience who were already taking pictures and videoing the show! Princess charming begins to scream and then goes hysterical running through the crowd looking for somewhere to hide.

Now this story certainly didn’t have a “happily ever after”, ending that we are all used to. I wish it were just a fairy tale or fiction but it a true life event. Last week on Facebook the story of the lady who proposed to her man in a big mall and was turned down by him dominated the social media at least in Nigeria. There has been a lot of interesting discussions about that very emotional scene as the lady was uncontrollably heartbroken. It turned out her guy was already married…see wahala and gbege!!(Trouble & shocking).

I saw another post of two ladies in separate locations and pictures proposing to their men. This time it looked like the guys accepted. Now whether these photos were shared on social media to create more humor or mock the first event, I’m not sure. The question now is, has the wooing game changed? It is one thing to show a guy or even tell him that you like him, it is a different kettle of fish to now propose to him.

A quick definition: To Woo is to seek the affection or love of someone, usually a woman(www.dictionary.com). It also means to pursue, persuade that person that you are a good person to marry 😀(cambridge dictionary). It is to court, chase after until you win someone’s love.

What many people are saying about the issue:
It is easy to sit on the judgment seat and tear this lady with words like; “What was she thinking! “Desperate girl”! “Cheap girl”, “Didn’t her mother teach her anything?”, “A disgrace to her family”! These and so much has been said about this lady in question. Yours sincerely(me) too has had a few things to say about this lady’s action of daring to step up and letting her man know she was ready to tie the knot. Trust my African clan, we will reel out every rule that should govern a love relationship. It is believed that the proper and honorable thing to do is for a man to ask for “the hand of his bride to be from her and her family”

Now let’s try to be gracious to this dear lady: She had a good reason for going ahead to propose and I only wish we could hear her own side of the story

Frankly speaking:
I believe in the old school way of allowing the man to propose. There is something nice about a man going all out to woo you. And the magic of been treated like a princess when after he had succeeded in getting you to date him for some time, he proposes! My head looks like it is in the clouds but is that not what we women want? Dear sister women being emotional beings do not have the shock absolver that men have! Don’t get me wrong we are strong but when a woman is rejected …. Ask men, it is not easy to accept that no from a woman they dream of sharing their lives with.
When a person says No to a marriage proposal, man or woman as is the case in the main story of this post, it means you are not what I want; it is a rejection. Therefore you will feel rejected; not loved, embarrassed and it hurts your heart and ego too!

Question: Can you handle these emotions Lady?

Why you shouldn’t do the wooing or propose:

  • Somewhere down the line, your man may begin to taunt you with the fact that you proposed when issues arise especially if he didn’t think through his choice. You want to be able to remind him that he came looking for you.
  • I also think that going ahead to propose makes you look desperate and trust me the man may not be ready yet.
  • Men are territorial, they like a challenge so let him do the wooing and proposing. If you have been dating for a while and you are sure that you both love each other enough to settle down in marriage, give him what I call the green light. This means subtly let him know that you are ready to go all the way but let him make up his mind and choose to take it forward.
  • If you propose and he says no, think what that might do to your self-esteem.

Stay cool, calm and collected, that man that loves and knows your worth will eventually show up. By the way, your life is so much more than just being in a relationship.

Adebisi Adetunji(C)

When Your Child Makes you a Special New Year Greetings 💞💝💝

We woke up this morning to a brand new day and year… Everyone could feel the breeze and joy of a new beginning! My daughter after our morning family prayers band everyone from going to her room and she was pretty serious about it😎

I had to prepare breakfast so going to her room was not in my plans at least not just yet. Sometime after breakfast she shows up with this balloon new year Greetings for me and her dad…!

We were so happy for her show of love. She simply wanted to appreciate us in a nice loving way… I am a happy and loved mum! 💝💝💝💞. It is moments like this that makes been a parent worth it! 2018 loading in a niceeee way😀😀😀😀.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Woman to Woman Talk #22 – She Poured Hot Water on “the other Woman” In Her Husband’s Life

I was listening to a newspaper review a few days ago and one of the stories prompted this post.
The gist was that a woman angry with her husband’s lover decided to teach her a lifetime’s lesson: By pouring hot water on the said lady!! 😱 Now she has been arrested by the police to face the wrath of the law for physically assaulting someone.

Now tell me… What did she actually stand to gain by her actions… Self inflicted punishment. Now she will really loose her man, her freedom and her hard earned resources depending on what type of punishment will be meted out to her.

The above story is a familiar one. Often we hear of partners who express their anger towards a cheating partner by attacking his new lover/woman sharing him with you. Most times I am flabbergasted and somewhat concerned when women fight over a man. I guess such a lady /woman is trying to protect her territory.

Of course you feel betrayed, hurt and some anger too when you find out that your man is cheating on you and that’s normal!

But how do you channel this emotions right such that you don’t give in to that momentary madness to harm your man or the “other woman”?

  • Understand that knowing about” the other woman” gives you an opportunity to protect yourself. Now you know that your partner or spouse is cheating on you. What if you never found out? So knowing is an information to arm yourself. This knowledge helps you to discover that there is a problem.
  • Are you really sure that he is cheating on you? I hope it is not a figment of your imaginations fired by unhealthy jealousy or possessive attitude. You stand the risk of loosing him if you go attacking an innocent “other woman”.
  • Fight your battle with love wisely. Do not act on the information while your emotions are boiling hot. Allow yourself time to let the issue sink in and achieve at least some form of calm. Cry if you have to, it is therapeutic.
  • Go for couples counsel or seek counsel from older couples whom you can trust. They should be people of experience who can counsel you right about what to do. Do not take the advice of anyone who encourages you to go fighting!! When the trouble comes rolling in, your adviser will leave you to face the music alone.
  • Confront your man and ask him directly about whether he is cheating on you. 😎 I know a good number of men will deny this and probably speak “sweet empty words” you cover up. Some even express anger pretending to be a wrongfully accused victim. If that happens and you are sure about your facts of his cheating on you, present your prove… Now watch his reaction. NOTE: If you are still too angry wait until you can have a calm conversation.
  • If you are still only dating him walk away now from that relationship. He is not going to be committed to you in marriage simply because you are the one he ends up giving a wedding ring to.
  • If you are married, it is not easy to walk away. You need counseling.
  • Find out the problem: Why did he cheat on you? Is it a one off thing or  has this been the practice with your man. It is a heart searching issue – Is there any role you played that led to this? Are there serious unresolved issues? Have you both been off sex for months unending?. You really must talk about this with your man. Counseling is key here.
  • Pray about this and just ask for guidance.


  • Do not report him to your family. They will be very emotional about the whole thing but if you do have a family member who can handle the matter with wisdom, go ahead. And just incase you do settle things between you and your partner/forgive him, your family will never forget.
  • Do not go telling everyone and particularly those friends whom you don’t even know if they were secretly wishing that you would lose your marriage.

Hmmm… This Story Touched me… It just might Save Your Marriage

MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS .………..A friend posted on my whatsapp and I simply want to share it with you.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know crewhat I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? You know

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Remember love is the richest of all treasures. Without it there is nothing; and with it there is everything. Love never perishes , even if the bones of a lover are ground fine like powder. Just as the perfume of sandalwood does not leave it, even if it is completely ground up, similarly the basis of love is the soul, and it is indestructible and therefore eternal. Beauty can be destroyed , but not love.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Movie Review: The Wedding Party – Its dramatic, a power tussle and Love saga

Finally, I got around to watching this much talked about the movie which started showing in the cinemas in December 2016. The Wedding Party is a Nigerian romantic and comedy movie. It is dramatic, funny, a power tussle between two wealthy families and a love saga as well.

If you are a Nigerian this movie reminds you of when you first introduced your intended who happens to be from another culture to your parents!!! This can sometimes meet with resistance.

If you are from across the globe The Wedding Party showcases the cultural side of a typical Nigerian marriage. We like our wedding party/ceremony to be big with your whole village clan, family, and friends in attendance. Apart from this expect the “Mo gbo, mo yaa (Uninvited guests who are not related or known to the couple or even their family members). They are the gate crashers.

In Nigeria when you print a 100 wedding invitation cards plan for 300 guests. Yes, o…for example if you invite me and my husband we will bring our children and also neighbors who might be less busy on your wedding day and whom you don’t know. In the movie, you are definitely going to see gate crashers.

The Wedding Party is the love story of a young couple who struggle to get the approval of the groom’s mother. They also had to contend with former girlfriends of the groom as well. The story all happens in one day from the morning of the wedding to the reception where the bride takes off because of a shocking betraying revelation.

Meanwhile, the bride and groom’s parents also have secrets of their own. The bride’s father is broke and hadn’t paid for the cake wedding and other food items meant for the wedding but his wife thinks they have got what it takes to show her proud son-in-law’s mother that they were rich as well.

The groom’s parents are struggling with their marriage and for many years they haven’t been able to fix it. These secrets spilled out when the two families are held at gunpoint by an “area boy” who had earlier sneaked into the wedding reception. Tempers flared between the families and they soon found out that the only way they were going to save themselves was to work as a team.

The Wedding Party ends on a note of hope and reconciliation. A fantastic love story of the young and the old the Nigerian way.

– No matter how old your marriage becomes you need to keep love alive.
– Stop taking one another for granted.
– Fix the problem quickly before it becomes a mighty ocean that will eventually drown you all.
– Remember to say I love you often
– Stay faithful to your partner
– Mistakes happen, fix it don’t repeat it.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)