Woman to Woman Talk #22 – She Poured Hot Water on “the other Woman” In Her Husband’s Life

I was listening to a newspaper review a few days ago and one of the stories prompted this post.
The gist was that a woman angry with her husband’s lover decided to teach her a lifetime’s lesson: By pouring hot water on the said lady!! 😱 Now she has been arrested by the police to face the wrath of the law for physically assaulting someone.

Now tell me… What did she actually stand to gain by her actions… Self inflicted punishment. Now she will really loose her man, her freedom and her hard earned resources depending on what type of punishment will be meted out to her.

The above story is a familiar one. Often we hear of partners who express their anger towards a cheating partner by attacking his new lover/woman sharing him with you. Most times I am flabbergasted and somewhat concerned when women fight over a man. I guess such a lady /woman is trying to protect her territory.
😀

Of course you feel betrayed, hurt and some anger too when you find out that your man is cheating on you and that’s normal!

But how do you channel this emotions right such that you don’t give in to that momentary madness to harm your man or the “other woman”?

  • Understand that knowing about” the other woman” gives you an opportunity to protect yourself. Now you know that your partner or spouse is cheating on you. What if you never found out? So knowing is an information to arm yourself. This knowledge helps you to discover that there is a problem.
  • Are you really sure that he is cheating on you? I hope it is not a figment of your imaginations fired by unhealthy jealousy or possessive attitude. You stand the risk of loosing him if you go attacking an innocent “other woman”.
  • Fight your battle with love wisely. Do not act on the information while your emotions are boiling hot. Allow yourself time to let the issue sink in and achieve at least some form of calm. Cry if you have to, it is therapeutic.
  • Go for couples counsel or seek counsel from older couples whom you can trust. They should be people of experience who can counsel you right about what to do. Do not take the advice of anyone who encourages you to go fighting!! When the trouble comes rolling in, your adviser will leave you to face the music alone.
  • Confront your man and ask him directly about whether he is cheating on you. 😎 I know a good number of men will deny this and probably speak “sweet empty words” you cover up. Some even express anger pretending to be a wrongfully accused victim. If that happens and you are sure about your facts of his cheating on you, present your prove… Now watch his reaction. NOTE: If you are still too angry wait until you can have a calm conversation.
  • If you are still only dating him walk away now from that relationship. He is not going to be committed to you in marriage simply because you are the one he ends up giving a wedding ring to.
  • If you are married, it is not easy to walk away. You need counseling.
  • Find out the problem: Why did he cheat on you? Is it a one off thing or  has this been the practice with your man. It is a heart searching issue – Is there any role you played that led to this? Are there serious unresolved issues? Have you both been off sex for months unending?. You really must talk about this with your man. Counseling is key here.
  • Pray about this and just ask for guidance.

DON’TS

  • Do not report him to your family. They will be very emotional about the whole thing but if you do have a family member who can handle the matter with wisdom, go ahead. And just incase you do settle things between you and your partner/forgive him, your family will never forget.
  • Do not go telling everyone and particularly those friends whom you don’t even know if they were secretly wishing that you would lose your marriage.
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Hmmm… This Story Touched me… It just might Save Your Marriage

MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS .………..A friend posted on my whatsapp and I simply want to share it with you.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know crewhat I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? You know

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Remember love is the richest of all treasures. Without it there is nothing; and with it there is everything. Love never perishes , even if the bones of a lover are ground fine like powder. Just as the perfume of sandalwood does not leave it, even if it is completely ground up, similarly the basis of love is the soul, and it is indestructible and therefore eternal. Beauty can be destroyed , but not love.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Movie Review: The Wedding Party – Its dramatic, a power tussle and Love saga

Finally, I got around to watching this much talked about the movie which started showing in the cinemas in December 2016. The Wedding Party is a Nigerian romantic and comedy movie. It is dramatic, funny, a power tussle between two wealthy families and a love saga as well.

If you are a Nigerian this movie reminds you of when you first introduced your intended who happens to be from another culture to your parents!!! This can sometimes meet with resistance.

If you are from across the globe The Wedding Party showcases the cultural side of a typical Nigerian marriage. We like our wedding party/ceremony to be big with your whole village clan, family, and friends in attendance. Apart from this expect the “Mo gbo, mo yaa (Uninvited guests who are not related or known to the couple or even their family members). They are the gate crashers.

In Nigeria when you print a 100 wedding invitation cards plan for 300 guests. Yes, o…for example if you invite me and my husband we will bring our children and also neighbors who might be less busy on your wedding day and whom you don’t know. In the movie, you are definitely going to see gate crashers.

The Wedding Party is the love story of a young couple who struggle to get the approval of the groom’s mother. They also had to contend with former girlfriends of the groom as well. The story all happens in one day from the morning of the wedding to the reception where the bride takes off because of a shocking betraying revelation.

Meanwhile, the bride and groom’s parents also have secrets of their own. The bride’s father is broke and hadn’t paid for the cake wedding and other food items meant for the wedding but his wife thinks they have got what it takes to show her proud son-in-law’s mother that they were rich as well.

The groom’s parents are struggling with their marriage and for many years they haven’t been able to fix it. These secrets spilled out when the two families are held at gunpoint by an “area boy” who had earlier sneaked into the wedding reception. Tempers flared between the families and they soon found out that the only way they were going to save themselves was to work as a team.

The Wedding Party ends on a note of hope and reconciliation. A fantastic love story of the young and the old the Nigerian way.

Lessons
– No matter how old your marriage becomes you need to keep love alive.
– Stop taking one another for granted.
– Fix the problem quickly before it becomes a mighty ocean that will eventually drown you all.
– Remember to say I love you often
– Stay faithful to your partner
– Mistakes happen, fix it don’t repeat it.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Feeling Left out this Valentine? Here is how not to.

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Tim and Biola

Your friends have someone coming to give them a memorable Valentine and you don’t.

Smile, Love comes softly…
Don’t give in to the pressure of feeling Left out or lonely.

Instead of feeling unloved why don’t you step out to show some love to someone today. It could be a friend, a neighbor, your parents even. Just do something nice for someone.

Single and feeling lonely this Valentine? Come on get yourself out there and give yourself a treat. You don’t need a man to necessarily take you out.

Remember love comes softly getting a quick Valentine partner without thinking can get you in a mess after the day passes.

Come on you are loved beyond Valentine’s day.

Love comes softly and it will happen for you.

😘 Loads of love  💞 from me,
Adebisi Adetunji(C)

Big or Small Valentine Gift… Make a Wish… 💙💚💓💞Happy Valentine to You Especially… From my heart

Valentine’s day comes with love blues. How do you intend spending yours?

My daughter and son are all over the house searching for gift items to take to their friends in school. At first they said we could buy as little as 50 Naira sweet while we were driving home.
The next words painted a bigger picture.

My daughter said: “Our teacher said that if we bring a small gift then we get a small gift back but if it is big then we get a big one! Haha…
Daddy : But I thought you said any small gift was OK.
Mummy : laughing – wo me I don’t have money for gift. When you get home look for those birthday gift items lying around in the house.

When we got home my son set out designing a Val card while his sister intent on getting a big gift from school wanted to wrap about two big gift items!

My Children, they are celebrating this valentine more than mum and dad ooo. 😀 img_20170101_120340

Whether you get a big or small gift… Enjoy your valentine.

Happy Valentine 💓💓💓💓💓

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Not Happy but Still In Love…Is this Possible?

love-and-happinessIs love tied to happiness? Yes, love does have something to do with happiness.

Do you feel happy all the time with the person you are in love with? Definitely NO!

Does that make you fall out of love with your partner? Possibly for some…

Where I’m I going with this?

I am just concerned about how we fall out of love in this generation simply because we are not feeling that happiness with our partner or spouse.
Every now and then you are here the lines: “Oh I have to be happy”, “My happiness matters”, “I have to do what makes me happy”. Did you notice the “I’s”, “My”. We are a people or should I say a generation of Me…me…me

Have you ever thought that Love is much more than what we make it be?

What is Love? Not easy to define sometimes but I’ll try

It is a good feeling: but doesn’t always feel good. So Love is more than just a feeling of butterflies

Love is a Choice: You can actually choose to love someone or choose not to. That’s when we say we fall out of love.

Love is not something out of control: So you are feeling so ecstatic about that woman/man; you can’t breathe, you can sleep, you can’t wait to be with him or her every time. Hmmm…love is definitely exciting but why does it sometimes Feazel away? Point here If he or she is married to someone better control that your love feeling or else risk becoming unhappy soon as he/she will also cheat on you soon.

Love can be pain staking/painful: Sometimes you are misunderstood for loving or your acts of love. Sometimes you have to go the extra mile to do something special. Love is willing to do so much more for the one it loves.

Love is humble: It is not self-seeking; it is not arrogant. You must know that you can be wrong so admit it when you are to your partner or spouse.

Love fights- Be very sure that you will engage in arguments and have fights with the one you love. It is perfectly normal and I don’t mean physically punching each other. So misunderstandings help you both to get to know each other as you handle your conflicts rightly.

Love is a stickler or should I say a sticker: It doesn’t just walk away simply because some things are not perfect. It doesn’t give up easily on its partner or spouse. Love is a stickler or should I say a sticker

Love is committed- Love does not stay only on days it feels good.

Is your love all about making you feel good?

Love is much more than happiness

I really don’t how to say this forgive me if it seems like I am ranting…

We need to love moreour marriages need to be more than just about ourselves and how we feel. You have a right and need to be happy in your marriage relationship but how much are you willing to give it to make it work?

Love is so much more…selfless and unselfish.
Before you walk away are you loving right?!

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Dear Diary…An Abnormal day…TBEE Writes #7

jotterI am so glad that I can get to sit down and write my thoughts about the day finally. The day was a mixed bag of normal and abnormal or should I say eventful and steadiness. Lectures went well with no drama from any of our lecturers. As a matter of fact, Professor Mark did not show up for his 2 hours class. In the midst of my noisy fellow course mate who had a great time catching up on old gist. I found the period to be a share waste of time I could have used in achieving something tangle. It is not like I didn’t join in, in the chats but I couldn’t help but feel guilty about not using my time to peruse through some of our ever piling lecture notes. Hmmm, exams are just around the corner. We all mimicked Professor’s mannerism of using the words, “open your minds, young people, this is simple”. LMAO…story…story…

How are students supposed to grasp anything tangible when a lecturer won’t come to class as scheduled for the semester and when the exam season comes knocking he’ll fix marathon lectures seven days a week. Such is the case with Professor Mark…some guys in class even said we would boycott his lectures if he dares fix one those ones that start 5 pm and runs through until 9 pm. I am waiting to see if this resolve and plan works out. Why did we sit in the hall for two hours waiting for our dear Prof? To forestall any surprises…Our dear Prof sometimes shows up 15 minutes to the end of a lecture time and simply take attendance…seriously who does that? Very annoying.

Thankfully other lecturers made it to class and we soon forgot about Professor Mark while taking notes. It was a great relieve to get back to my room, alone at last. I am so lucky my room- mate decided to move in with her boyfriend off campus. She pops in once in a while on days he annoys her. I wonder how things are working out between them… She does all the cooking, washing and cleaning for the guy…chei and they are both students on this campus Oh! I hope her education isn’t suffering for the services she renders ……well whatever!

My dear DT came by this evening and we spent a little time together. Yes, I decided to forgive him for the incidence at the joint. I mean he had pleaded with me enough and my friends think I am playing hard to get even though I didn’t tell them the whole story. Well, I don’t want to “shakara” so much that I lose him to another girl. Don’t blame me… A girl has a right to want to keep her man. And oh I have missed him so much…DT has a very good sense of humor so there was a lot to laugh about.

It would have been a perfect evening if I didn’t find myself in the middle of angry girls as I was coming back from seeing DT off. There was serious trouble happening live in our female hostel. I thought that I was watching a movie…

Dear Diary, I am too upset to talk about this now, tomorrow is another day. Goodnight.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)