Woman to Woman Talk#5 – Se Onje Ni? Is it Food? What…SEX

Now don’t let this post’s title confuse you simply hear me out on this matter. And seriously you are welcome to air your views and opinion on the matter even men. Yes …Men say your mind o I know you are stealing a look at this out of curiosity. Happy to have you read.

Ladies especially my Yoruba sisters you must be familiar with the phrase “Se ounje ni”? Hun…hun Is sex food? Many times during women gisting time you hear all kinds of stuff about what’s up in the bedroom between them and their husbands. Lots of laughter and chuckling when you hear stories…I mean me and my Girls talk now.

Often on a particular morning, evening or afternoon, a woman turns down/off her husband’s sleek move to have sex. “I am tired”; you pissed me off”; “I am not happy right now about something not necessarily about you, my partner…something is on my mind”. These and many more issues make a woman not be in the mood for sex.

For our men, sex is seriously food o 😀. When a man becomes cranky about everything around the house hmmm madam has not cooperated in bed niyen o! (Chuckling).

Do women enjoy sex all the time with their spouse, certainly not. I am curious if you are a man in what instances don’t you enjoy sex with your wife?

Now to my dear sisters…heee get it now sex is not only for procreation. What happens when those children leave home and they will! Sex is meant to help foster intimacy between husbands and wives. I mean that is one of the major reasons we marry now …from my church mind point of view… “Honour the marriage bed”…meaning no sex before marriage. So girl if you both have been waiting all your life to consummate your union, to finally be free…why deny each other? Why deny him?

Some women may not enjoy sex because they have no proper orientation about it or have had a bad experience. Sex is not meant for only men to enjoy. It for is for both of you to enjoy therefore learn the art by reading good healthy, books not Pornography o! You can also engage in a discussion with older couples who sabi the thing *wink*

And seriously men you need to slow down for us your wives if you are reading this. Take the time to caress her, learn the art and let her enjoy it too. It is not all about you just achieving ejaculation and that’s all.
My dear woman, when it comes to sex it is  not just about your mood, be available and prepare your mind ahead knowing that “Bros”  can suddenly initiate action.

And this one: stop using sex as a punishment weapon for your husband abeg!!! You put yourself under lock and key for 6 months, 1year, 2 years and you are wondering why your man has eyes elsewhere. For God’s sake how will that marriage work? I know marriage is not all about sex, I mean there is so much else about it to make it work. But stop complicating your life and blaming someone else when trouble comes.

I am not always in the mood but I learn to work around it with my husband. If night time will not work then early in the morning is a good time before getting out of bed. And who says you can’t initiate sex with your man! I beg spice up your marriage. Remember sex is food for men o(metaphorically very important and a necessity) …that is how they are wired.

Understand What Sex means to men:
Sex means “She loves me” – This is why a guy is dating you and he is thinking of when action will happen. And unfortunately some ladies have fallen for the lines: “If you love me you would…”, “Show me you love me”. Be careful girl don’t let someone use and dump you. Waiting is worth it.
Sex is a pressure release for men o: If a man has had a busy long hard day he wants to unwind and relax through sex. And I know women when we are tired it is a “Please leave me alone”! We have to find a way around that o as we cannot be tired every day. May God help our men to be sensitive and understanding too some times.

One thing you need to do to enjoy sex with your spouse:
Talk about your sex life with your husband. Tell him what you want and enjoy. Initiate it and don’t be shy about it. This will help you both to better understand and satisfy each other. We do that in my house o. At first “the husband” will be frowning when I turn him down but we had to talk about it and decided what works for us both. We are still growing and learning.

Sometimes be satisfied in the fact that your partner gets to release the pressure and hold you now *wink*. Seriously it is not every time that you will experience orgasm. Enjoy the opportunity to curdle at least… It is a whole learning process and it is continuous.

I do not claim to be an expert on this issue but simply creating a platform of discussion. I am just a sister wanting you to enjoy your intimacy life with your spouse.

If you don’t mind let’s talk about this. How do you make it work even when you are not in the mood?

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Woman to woman Talk #1: Suspicion – How to Keep Your Man

Any relationship that will stand the test of time must be built on trust. And time will test your relationship with your close friends and most especially your relationship with your spouse/partner.

One time I traveled away from my family and I met some guys. Interesting people and we became acquaintances well time did not afford me the luxury of growing a better friendship with them. While chatting and joking about whatever I can’t even remember now a gist about how husbands are not committed/faithful to their wives came up. You know how a man is trying to hit on you and is trying to insinuate that you don’t even know what your husband is doing now. That line didn’t work with me as I laughed at it off.

My response to the man in question: “Seriously that is not one of the things I think about. It is simply not an issue between I and my husband as we trust each other and I trust God to continue to help us be faithful to each other”. They looked at me like I was really naïve.

Ok, sister/Woman/Lady reading this I know there are unfaithful spouses and partners out there but seriously you have a choice in the matter.

If you are still dating a guy/man and you notice that he flirts around walk away now no matter how much you think you love him. Some ladies think …”Oh so long as I get to be the one he gives a ring to then I am ok”. Come on! That ring is not going to break your heart He will and over and over again. People don’t change that easily only an encounter with God can change them.

Now to my married sisters…Hmmmn…I see a trend that is quite disturbing. A woman is suspicious about every move of her husband. She checks his phone for any rival; monitors his every move and nags him about cheating on her. Tell me how you will even be happy in that marriage. Girl, it is not your monitoring that will make your man faithful to you. Instead, you are susceptible to getting hypertension or a nervous breakdown.

You can actually turn your spouse into a cheater with the pressure of unnecessary suspicion. Some women drive their men crazy with monitoring his every move so much that the man begins to dread going home to his wife after closing from work. Such men begin to spend longer hours outside the home and this will only aggravate your fear as a woman.

So dear woman/sister please it is time to change your tactics in keeping your man. Suspicion will only make things worse neither can you continue on the path of being over possessive…you simply don’t want him talking to any other woman.

Concentrate on turning your man’s attention to you
Concentrate on making your man your friend
Concentrate on making him want to come to you every day as soon as he is done working for the day.

How to get your man to have eyes only for you and be your friend:
Love yourself. If you don’t love yourself you will not trust another person’s love
Be a prayerful woman: You need God to teach you, change you and your partner for the better.

But My dear sister/woman going to prayer mountains may not be the solution you need to keep your man, you need to change your attitude also.

Work on being a better person and partner.
• Let go of your parent’s marriage issues: Some women think that since their parent’s marriage didn’t work or since their dad walked out on their mother every man cannot be trusted.

Your parent’s story doesn’t have to be your story. You can have a beautiful home and marriage.

Affirm your man and praise him even for little things he does. For example, your husband buys something and all you can think of is how he could have gotten a better deal. Then you go ahead to tell him that he was cheated, you are deflating his ego. Next time he might not buy anything again and don’t complain when he doesn’t.
Be interested in his job, hobbies and ask him about it. This kind of conversation is building friendship between you both. And seriously you don’t have to be a fan of his hobby but because it matters to him be interested. I am not a football fan but my husband….hehehe he loves football.

Suspicion only breeds trouble especially if the other party is not guilty of anything.

More Woman to Woman Talk Issues coming up on this blog: We will be talking and you can join the conversation. Let’s help each other succeed and become better.

Adebisi Adetunji(C)

Not Happy but Still In Love…Is this Possible?

love-and-happinessIs love tied to happiness? Yes, love does have something to do with happiness.

Do you feel happy all the time with the person you are in love with? Definitely NO!

Does that make you fall out of love with your partner? Possibly for some…

Where I’m I going with this?

I am just concerned about how we fall out of love in this generation simply because we are not feeling that happiness with our partner or spouse.
Every now and then you are here the lines: “Oh I have to be happy”, “My happiness matters”, “I have to do what makes me happy”. Did you notice the “I’s”, “My”. We are a people or should I say a generation of Me…me…me

Have you ever thought that Love is much more than what we make it be?

What is Love? Not easy to define sometimes but I’ll try

It is a good feeling: but doesn’t always feel good. So Love is more than just a feeling of butterflies

Love is a Choice: You can actually choose to love someone or choose not to. That’s when we say we fall out of love.

Love is not something out of control: So you are feeling so ecstatic about that woman/man; you can’t breathe, you can sleep, you can’t wait to be with him or her every time. Hmmm…love is definitely exciting but why does it sometimes Feazel away? Point here If he or she is married to someone better control that your love feeling or else risk becoming unhappy soon as he/she will also cheat on you soon.

Love can be pain staking/painful: Sometimes you are misunderstood for loving or your acts of love. Sometimes you have to go the extra mile to do something special. Love is willing to do so much more for the one it loves.

Love is humble: It is not self-seeking; it is not arrogant. You must know that you can be wrong so admit it when you are to your partner or spouse.

Love fights- Be very sure that you will engage in arguments and have fights with the one you love. It is perfectly normal and I don’t mean physically punching each other. So misunderstandings help you both to get to know each other as you handle your conflicts rightly.

Love is a stickler or should I say a sticker: It doesn’t just walk away simply because some things are not perfect. It doesn’t give up easily on its partner or spouse. Love is a stickler or should I say a sticker

Love is committed- Love does not stay only on days it feels good.

Is your love all about making you feel good?

Love is much more than happiness

I really don’t how to say this forgive me if it seems like I am ranting…

We need to love moreour marriages need to be more than just about ourselves and how we feel. You have a right and need to be happy in your marriage relationship but how much are you willing to give it to make it work?

Love is so much more…selfless and unselfish.
Before you walk away are you loving right?!

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Weekend thoughts: Benefits of Sharing a Room & Bed with your Spouse

WHY Couples don’t share a room
• Some don’t want to share with a nursing mother or a menstruating woman.
• One room might not be enough for women to store their bags and shoes
• A continues hold on privacy
• Snoring
• Sometimes one partner may need  work late and this might disturb the sleep time of the other person.
• Sometimes one person needs to get early to work and he/she does not want to disturb other who might want to sleep in late.

These reasons are valid but take a closer look at the bigger picture if you want to achieve better intimacy with your partner: COUPLES IN BED

Benefits of sharing room with spouse
• It makes it harder to keep malice. And I am told a smaller bed is effective in helping to quickly settle quarrels as bodies of partners touches. *wink* 🙂
• A reason to cuddle up together more.

Benefits of sleeping together in the same bed: Lessons from the book- “Two in bed” by Dr. Paul Rosenblatt (Family social science professor)

Pillow Talk –It gives them a chance to talk about the day’s events, share feelings and concerns, and solve problems together.

Intimacy –The cuddling, spooning and warmth of being close to another are soothing in ways we may not even recognize. It increases feelings of intimacy with your spouse, and for women it enhances a sense of physical safety and security. Obviously, physical closeness increases the opportunity for sexual interaction.

Remember a happily Ever After requires sacrifice and spicing of your love life. Have a fabulous weekend.

Photo Credit: Pinterest.com

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Beyond Flowers, Chocolate & Ice-Cream

 

Flowers 4Every time a guy or should i say “gentle man” brings a bunch of flower to his sweet heart the girl’s heart melts into a cream of love… if you know what i mean. The bunch of flowers accompanied with a cozy time out together says “I’ve got eyes only for you”. And the lady travels into the world of a far away never ending love story.

The magic of the moment is complete when the “gentle man” pushes his chair back at the special dinner table and goes on bend knees. A flashing diamond ring appears…a symbol of commitment…a life together and the lady mesmerized and hardly able to breath whispers a “yes” with eyes glittering and tears threatening to fall.

It was one of the best days for the two love birds. All too quickly plans for sealing the engagement and moving unto a forever happily union begins. Boy marries girl of his dream; girl marries the love of her life and the journey begins.

Expectations are high and they both believed that their love can only grow stronger as they tied the knot. They soon found out that it was a lot more than they expected. Soon the “gentle man” turned husband forgets her birthday; he forgets to bring her flowers; very few times of chocolate and Ice-cream or not all. The Lady finds out that being married meant been able to organize a home: cooking, doing the dishes, laundry, running after the kids to get them ready for school, running errands for almost everyone in the house. The enormous responsibility weighs heavily on her and she thinks “no way i didn’t bargain for this! Just because i got married doesn’t mean i am anybody’s house help”…”I deserve to be treated better”.

Where i am going with this: I am definitely for a man helping out with house chores but seriously if you are thinking of getting married as a girl it is more than flowers,chocolate, and Ice-cream. It is serious work…serious responsibility! A woman is the Managing Director of her home and her job is not swerving around in a chair and dishing out commands. She has to role up her sleeves and get down to work.

Why this is an issue: Many young girls dream away not understanding the realities that comes with marriage and managing a home. I know of a few ladies who got married and are having serious trouble with keeping their homes tidy and generally been able to take care of their new and young family. This is causing a lot of tension in the union.

Face the fact: If you want to get married as a woman, know how to cook, keep a clean and tidy home, know what it means to manage a home. Hey, your man may serve you breakfast in bed, may help with some chores in the house but 90% of the rest of your life together…you are in charge!

Marriage is hard work …to make it work….Take your home economics or home management course seriously!!! Hee…heee…(Laughter) This is not to say marriage is not fun and sweet…with the right partner who by the way is not a perfect human being.

Remember it goes beyond the flowers, chocolate & Ice-Cream Girls!!! Flowers 3

 

Ice cream

 

Photo Credits:

Ice Cream PNG image

Dreamstime.com

Pinterest.com

Diy Enthusiasts.com

 

Adebisi Adetunji (C)