Guest Post: She went through hell… but came out on the other side bold and beautiful. Olusola Haastrup shares her story. 

Marriage should be a thing of joy and a dream come true for any single lady looking to settle down but mine was a Nightmare from day one. People asked why I stayed for ten years since the pain was as long as the marriage, all I did was give excuses for his monstrous cruelty.

Initially, I thought it was as a result of his Joblessness and I did everything within my capacity to help him secure a job. Luckily, he got a job paying better than mine. This never alleviated my pain but rather aggravated it. I was in the marriage praying for my life to be spared as each day passed. I made different attempts to quit the marriage but every move proved abortive. I was considering suicide at some point, but, the love for my children kept me on. My children were the reason all attempts to leave him failed because he was always abducting them each time I left and security agents would Not do anything since he is the father of the children. I will return to him after leaving; crawling and apologizing for leaving the house.

We were living in Ilesha then, on 24th March 2014, I left with my children and my credential after another round of severe beating. It started on the night of 23rd and while my pastor and his wife pleaded with him but he told them to take me away or else he will kill me overnight. My pastor hastily adhered to his advice and took me to their home. I slept there and in the morning I returned home because my children were with him. He continued with the beating and threatened to kill me. Fortunately for me, he got a call and left the house at that moment. I hurriedly packed my credentials, wore school uniforms for my children as if I was taking them to school. We took a bus and landed in Ibadan wearing bathroom slippers. I left all I ever worked for including landed property which he sold eventually.

I was able to secure a transfer from my office and he didn’t know where I and the children were. At work, I changed my name all in a bid to avoid being found by him. After a year he finally got to know where we were and he came looking for us. Afraid he would take the children away from me, I agreed to get back with him. I thought I would only have to endure him as a weekend husband since he worked out of town. Things turned for the worse, he came home one night threatening to kill me as usual. I had to hide somewhere within the compound, hoping he will get tired and go to bed. When he couldn’t find me, he started hitting the children against the wall and as he was about to throw the youngest off the balcony upstairs, my neighbors ran to our rescue and saved my two years old baby. The older two didn’t struggle with him because they were used to his abuse.

I found myself sleeping in police stations, uncompleted buildings, the frontage of locked shops at night while trying to escape from his beatings. On the 7th of January 2017, I left my house, after another round of beating with bruises all over my body.

A friend called to say “No pain No gain, if you want to stay alive you have to let go of these children”. I had to do something and so I decided to hide my children somewhere. I was wearing a hijab(headscarf) to cover my head and face so that he won’t spot me while I kept the children away from school for a term since he was using them as bait.

After a school term, I took them to boarding school; the youngest was only three years old then and it really broke my heart, but that was the only choice I had at the time. At that point, I was ready for war; I realized he was only leveraging on my weakness and timidity. One day, he came to my office and he asked for the children, I boldly asked him to sue me for keeping the children away from him. He went away and started begging.

I later went to court to file for divorce, a process that showed me how painful and slow the Nigerian judicial System could be. I later withdrew my children from the boarding school when I realized the coast was clear and I was strong enough to stand up to him. 

In all of these I am sure someone would be wondering what my offenses were to deserve the beatings, let me list them:

When he wanted me to borrow money from my friends and colleagues and they declined.
When my salary was delayed for like a week
He must not knock the door twice before I opened or else according to him I was trying to hide a man
My phone must not ring for too long when he calls
When I didn’t wash his shoes because I stayed late at work
When I refused to give him the children’s school fees
I bought a car which he claimed, so whenever the car had issues and I dIdn’t have money to fix it, then, I must be ready for another round of beating; mind you I was not allowed to learn driving let alone driving the car.
When I refused to apply for the third bank loan because he could not account for the first two loans I obtained for him even though he earns more than I do; to mention but a few.

Finally, I got my self-esteem back and I realized life could be beautiful. It’s all in the past now, I do tell myself every time that I AM BOLD, STRONG AND BEAUTIFUL. I now strongly believe that I can go places if only I see myself doing so. My children and I are one big happy family. Trust me: I am loving my life. I have risen above my hurt and pain and gladly facing the future with boldness and determination.

Abuse stops when you say so and stand up for yourself. Stop excusing your abuser! Do not wait until one of you gets killed!

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

How to Set Yourself Free and Live While Waiting For Mr. Right

Pexel Photo –

All dressed up in her new flowery shirt and brown pants ready for work, Diana sat in front of her bedside mirror applying her foundation and powder. As she brushed her cheek with the powder, Diana noticed that the bags beneath her eyes needed a little more powder padding to conceal them nicely. Her hands stopped mid-air as she stared at herself in the mirror, sighing and speaking loud to herself, “who I’m I kidding here? It is just so tiring dealing with this pressure”. Last night her mum had called again to say in no certain terms that time was not on her side. Worse still, Tina, her childhood friend invited Diana to the 5-year birthday celebration of her twin girls. A tear flowed down the corner of Diana’s left eyes, fighting back the tears, she quickly dabs the tears and finished applying her makeup. Taking a deep breath, she decided to face the day and make the best of it.

It is said that “Two are better than one”  but I will like to add that –

“Two whole/complete individuals willing to commit and fight for their relationship are far better than one”.

So you see what you need in a love partner is far more than just having someone to call your own; share your life and bed with. Waiting can be tough I know, so we are not kidding ourselves here. However, I would like to put in your hands a few tips about what you can do to make your life beautiful and not live a miserable and pressured life.

Your life’s purpose goes beyond finding a man and getting married, It is a blessing don’t get me wrong but do not get stuck in the expectations of society and family members. I see a lot of women who keep their life on hold anxiously waiting to find love and marriage. Some are just going through the motion of living in the hope that finding Mr. Right is what will make their lives complete and fulfilling. Trust me Mr. Right will show up and come into your life; then you will find out that he is living his own life and even wants some space sometimes. Men are goal oriented and career minded, so God helps you if you end up with a “very busy” man who works for like 18 hours. Then you will be asking yourself, “There must be something more to my life”.

Now is the time to get busy, pursue your dreams and goal; live your life! Mr. Right will find you already living and you can both better complement each other.

Common Misconception about Finding Mr. Right
1. He is all I need to be complete
2. He is what I need to feel special, loved and wanted.
3. The solution to my lonely life.
4. He will take care of me and things and even sort my bills.
5. Society will only respect me if I am wearing a wedding band.

Let’s Be Real Now
1. Your happiness is not solely dependent on finding and having a man in your life. There are no perfect men including you. So expecting your spouse/partner to be solely responsible for making you happy is too much of a burden that comes with a lot of stress. YOU CHOOSE TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS.
2. You were already born complete, a whole person. When two complete, whole persons who accept and believe in themselves come together, then each one is not totally dependent on the other to make himself/herself happy. First, learn to accept yourself before you meet that someone you will eventually share your life with.
3. Do not…Absolutely do not put your happiness and life on hold. Take a course, travel to see new places,
4. Buy that car you have wanted to buy to make your move easy. Don’t mind the blackmailers of society who would interpret that to mean that you are proud and flashy and therefore men will be afraid to approach you.
5. Have and share your life with good friends who encourage and inspire you. Don’t be a loner.
6. Get busy volunteering to serve your community. You can offer your skills to empower others.
7. On days when you get that lonely feeling; do not just bury your head underneath your blanket, get out and take a walk or go see a movie. Who says you can’t take yourself out. Who knows you might make a new friend or meet him *wink at the cinema.
8. Draw your strength from the divine source. God is got a plan for your life and it’s a great one. Trust keep trusting. Your, Mr. Right, will show up at just the right time.

Don’t sit idly by and allow life to happen to you, choose to live life on purpose – Joyce Meyer

Hugs & Kisses from me….LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!

Adebisi Adetunji (C) Founder Beehyve Empowerment and Development Initiative. Media content provider, Trainer & consultant-@debisibusybeemedia, Behavioral Change Radio Drama, Communication4Development, Social Media Influencer, Controller Programs (FRCN) Catch me on Twitter – @DebisiBusybee, Facebook & email –

Woman To Woman Talk #28 – What to Do When He Beats You

Romoke felt the blows crashing into her body in quick succession. She is not sure whether to cry out as a wave of pain hits her on all sides and she is not even sure which part of her body again. A few moments later the beating stops and Romoke crawls on her knees dragging herself on the floor, the pain won’t allow her to stand and on so she dragged herself to rest her back on the wall. Her children stood before her crying and saying “mummy sorry”. Romoke knew she had to get up maybe not for herself but for her children. She finally mustered all the strength she had left to rise and clean up herself. Blood was trickling down her face, there was a cut on her head. Romoke walked dizzily to the bathroom to wash; to wash off the pain.

Moments later she was out of the shower wearing a long sleeve to cover the bruises on her arm. Her swollen head and face stared at her in the mirror; the pain won’t go away; the memories of the blows descending on her body came rushing back. Romoke shuddered and wondered how long she would have to put up with this. She had reported Tunde to the police, he was arrested and released and the beating didn’t stop. She shared her dilemma with her siblings but no one wanted her to take the option of leaving. Yes, the meant good in their own way, they want her marriage to survive. Romoke is not sure what to do anymore but she wants the beating to stop; she wants to get out but how?

Again and again, we hear stories like this about another woman who is beaten to the point of bleeding by her spouse or lover. Some end up in real tragedy and never get out of such abusive relationship alive. I just heard another of such story of wife battery today and the woman is looking for a way of escape and help but the option of leaving him is not yet on the table. I am baffled at the fact that women still stay on in these abusive relationships and worst still family members placate her to endure and keep her marriage!

Candid Opinion

If you are been physically assaulted by your man, GET OUT OF THERE! Yes get out, find somewhere to stay. Do not keep getting beaten and hold onto hope that he will one day change. Get out and let him work on himself and change,that is if he ever changes.

Some women stay on in an abusive relationship because of so many reasons which include:

  1. What will people say – Wanting others to believe that your life is perfect.
  2. Not financially able to cope with meeting personal needs and probably that of her children if they have them.
  3. Believing that he will change.
  4. Too emotionally attached to the man

Once you know that the man you are dating can or has physically assaulted you in any way END THAT RELATIONSHIP!!!

Once the man you are married to is physically assaulting you have a PLAN B. Get a job, save some money in order to be able to take care of yourself when you may have to leave that relationship.

#International Women’s Day 2018 Loading- Theme: Improving the lives of Women everywhere, rural or Urban; the time is now

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Help me Here – How Can One Show Support, Love & Understanding to Single Parents(Moms)

Pinterest : A free online magazine for Single Moms

This post was inspired by a stirring in my heart. And so I take it seriously and really want to feel the pulse of people. So I need your contributions whether from personal experience or from observing a family member or friend.

Background to this
I was watching a movie last night and the story line centered on four struggling women. It is a story of friendship & support, family and career struggles. These women mirrored the reality of some women. Out of the four women, three of them had relationship issues, in fact one of them became a single mother of two after going through a divorce. The fourth woman in the group seemingly had a happy marriage and a great career. She was the envy of others and also gave hope to many. However all was not well. At the end of the movie she had to walk away from the marriage and build her life afresh.

Where I am going with this story :
I do not intend to waste your time. The issue here was my attitude to these women’s lives. I judged them quickly labeling them with titles I wouldn’t like to list here. This is not right. But to sum up my feeling I thought … “Their bad choices got them to where they were now”. I even felt that these women were bad examples for those of us wanting a well packaged life. I have no right to judge these women who are faced with issues beyond them. And so I am sorry for not extending an arm of love and kindness.

Hmmmn… When things are working for you, remember that you are only enjoying the mercies of God.

And bam! The Lord started to prompt me in my heart. He showed me how even in church we raise our noses at the single parents especially women… Wondering how they got left alone to take care of their children ; wondering whether she was careless and got herself pregnant! Again that judging attitude…

Questions that popped up in my heart were these:

  • How have I showed sincere love, care and support for the single parents in church and even in my circle? I must say not much or nothing intentional in my opinion.
  • Do we have programs that cater for the needs of our single parents/moms? I mean there is always programs for the married, youth, ministers etc but not for single parents.
  • What can we begin to do about reaching out to them? God loves them and has great plans for them.

This is where you help me:

Please share your thoughts on how we can better support single parents(moms).

This is not a data gathering post or just wanting to publish for publishing sake… I want to begin to do something about supporting single parents in my sphere of influence.

And if you are a single parent… I want you to know that you are not alone. You are strong, brave and doing your best with raising your children… Never forget that. 🌸🌸💝

Come unto me all you that labor and are heavy Laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Woman to Woman Talk #9 – Four Reasons for Delay in Getting the Man of Your Dream and what you can Do

There is no prototype way or formula for getting hooked up to the right man to spend the rest of your life with. And there is also nothing wrong with sizing up the man that you want to share the rest of your life with. However it is possible to over- do things and what I want to talk about today bothers on attitudes that can end up chasing away eligible bachelors.

1. Some of us ladies have a caustic tongue and we are so quick to lash out at anyone who crosses our part. I want to paint a picture. Say you are the chief executive of a notable organization and an old male friend whom you grew up with is doing a menial job. You meet in church or a club group every now and then. Sometimes you get to chat with this male acquaintance and with the way he is hanging around you, you sense he has his eyes on you. In your heart, you are like don’t even go there, young man!! Why? Well for so many reasons such as his grammar is not as polished as you would like; he has no dress sense and he laughs too loudly for your comfort whenever you are having a group conversation plus he is not a six pack physically endowed kind of guy. So this “ungentle and ill- mannered guy asks you out on a date and then you go rolling your eyes giving him a peace of your mind. All you are trying to say is, “you look me well before you open your mouth”. Meaning look guy we are not on the same level!

And the young man is so embarrassed and has difficulty approaching any other lady for a long while. Please, sisters/ladies, be civil and polite when turning down a date or that I want to marry you kind of request. In my opinion, any man/guy who asks you out is paying you a compliment. It means you are desirable and wanted even if he is not your type in a quote. Then seriously put yourself in the shoes of the man in question.

Why does this matter? Because in your hurry to dismiss all the men who are not your type in a shabby way you might just miss THE ONE man who might just be the man that you dreamed of. I am not saying settle for just any man simply because you are looking for love and marriage but simply saying BE POLITE and KIND. One day it will pay off. Treat others the way you will like to be treated.

2.  Another thing I will like to add here is that if there is a man/guy whom you actually like or are interested in and he asks you out don’t keep him waiting for too long. Ok in my Christian circle a man proposes to you as we say and you go praying over whether to say yes for the next one or two years! Seriously you should know whether he is what you will settle for or not as quickly as possible and move on. We, women, tend to play the wooing game. It’s ok to want the man to sweat it for a while so you satisfy the need to feel very “pricy” but stop wasting your own time and that of the man. My advice once you know this is the man for you quit playing around and say YES before he moves on thinking that he has no chance with you. And then you go crying that he did not love you enough to wait.
My point ladies attitude matters. Also be simple and honest with yourself know what you want and say YES it doesn’t make you cheap!

3. If you are looking for a perfect man…there is no such thing as a perfect gentleman; that is overrated. What do I mean? Watch that perfect gentleman when he is watching a football game he loves or gets in a heated argument over something that upsets him…get the picture? You don’t need a perfect man but a good, honest, hardworking, God fearing man. Guess what? You are far from being perfect yourself.

So be down to earth, stop living in that fairy tale land.

4. Have you been badly hurt or disappointed by a past relationship or experience? This does not have to define your future happiness unless you allow it. Not all men are bad. There is still someone out there who will treat you right. Stop punishing yourself, open your heart and pray. Good love will find you again.

Adebisi Adetunji(C)

Woman to Woman Talk#5 – Se Onje Ni? Is it Food? What…SEX

Now don’t let this post’s title confuse you simply hear me out on this matter. And seriously you are welcome to air your views and opinion on the matter even men. Yes …Men say your mind o I know you are stealing a look at this out of curiosity. Happy to have you read.

Ladies especially my Yoruba sisters you must be familiar with the phrase “Se ounje ni”? Hun…hun Is sex food? Many times during women gisting time you hear all kinds of stuff about what’s up in the bedroom between them and their husbands. Lots of laughter and chuckling when you hear stories…I mean me and my Girls talk now.

Often on a particular morning, evening or afternoon, a woman turns down/off her husband’s sleek move to have sex. “I am tired”; you pissed me off”; “I am not happy right now about something not necessarily about you, my partner…something is on my mind”. These and many more issues make a woman not be in the mood for sex.

For our men, sex is seriously food o 😀. When a man becomes cranky about everything around the house hmmm madam has not cooperated in bed niyen o! (Chuckling).

Do women enjoy sex all the time with their spouse, certainly not. I am curious if you are a man in what instances don’t you enjoy sex with your wife?

Now to my dear sisters…heee get it now sex is not only for procreation. What happens when those children leave home and they will! Sex is meant to help foster intimacy between husbands and wives. I mean that is one of the major reasons we marry now …from my church mind point of view… “Honour the marriage bed”…meaning no sex before marriage. So girl if you both have been waiting all your life to consummate your union, to finally be free…why deny each other? Why deny him?

Some women may not enjoy sex because they have no proper orientation about it or have had a bad experience. Sex is not meant for only men to enjoy. It for is for both of you to enjoy therefore learn the art by reading good healthy, books not Pornography o! You can also engage in a discussion with older couples who sabi the thing *wink*

And seriously men you need to slow down for us your wives if you are reading this. Take the time to caress her, learn the art and let her enjoy it too. It is not all about you just achieving ejaculation and that’s all.
My dear woman, when it comes to sex it is  not just about your mood, be available and prepare your mind ahead knowing that “Bros”  can suddenly initiate action.

And this one: stop using sex as a punishment weapon for your husband abeg!!! You put yourself under lock and key for 6 months, 1year, 2 years and you are wondering why your man has eyes elsewhere. For God’s sake how will that marriage work? I know marriage is not all about sex, I mean there is so much else about it to make it work. But stop complicating your life and blaming someone else when trouble comes.

I am not always in the mood but I learn to work around it with my husband. If night time will not work then early in the morning is a good time before getting out of bed. And who says you can’t initiate sex with your man! I beg spice up your marriage. Remember sex is food for men o(metaphorically very important and a necessity) …that is how they are wired.

Understand What Sex means to men:
Sex means “She loves me” – This is why a guy is dating you and he is thinking of when action will happen. And unfortunately some ladies have fallen for the lines: “If you love me you would…”, “Show me you love me”. Be careful girl don’t let someone use and dump you. Waiting is worth it.
Sex is a pressure release for men o: If a man has had a busy long hard day he wants to unwind and relax through sex. And I know women when we are tired it is a “Please leave me alone”! We have to find a way around that o as we cannot be tired every day. May God help our men to be sensitive and understanding too some times.

One thing you need to do to enjoy sex with your spouse:
Talk about your sex life with your husband. Tell him what you want and enjoy. Initiate it and don’t be shy about it. This will help you both to better understand and satisfy each other. We do that in my house o. At first “the husband” will be frowning when I turn him down but we had to talk about it and decided what works for us both. We are still growing and learning.

Sometimes be satisfied in the fact that your partner gets to release the pressure and hold you now *wink*. Seriously it is not every time that you will experience orgasm. Enjoy the opportunity to curdle at least… It is a whole learning process and it is continuous.

I do not claim to be an expert on this issue but simply creating a platform of discussion. I am just a sister wanting you to enjoy your intimacy life with your spouse.

If you don’t mind let’s talk about this. How do you make it work even when you are not in the mood?

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Woman to woman Talk #1: Suspicion – How to Keep Your Man

Any relationship that will stand the test of time must be built on trust. And time will test your relationship with your close friends and most especially your relationship with your spouse/partner.

One time I traveled away from my family and I met some guys. Interesting people and we became acquaintances well time did not afford me the luxury of growing a better friendship with them. While chatting and joking about whatever I can’t even remember now a gist about how husbands are not committed/faithful to their wives came up. You know how a man is trying to hit on you and is trying to insinuate that you don’t even know what your husband is doing now. That line didn’t work with me as I laughed at it off.

My response to the man in question: “Seriously that is not one of the things I think about. It is simply not an issue between I and my husband as we trust each other and I trust God to continue to help us be faithful to each other”. They looked at me like I was really naïve.

Ok, sister/Woman/Lady reading this I know there are unfaithful spouses and partners out there but seriously you have a choice in the matter.

If you are still dating a guy/man and you notice that he flirts around walk away now no matter how much you think you love him. Some ladies think …”Oh so long as I get to be the one he gives a ring to then I am ok”. Come on! That ring is not going to break your heart He will and over and over again. People don’t change that easily only an encounter with God can change them.

Now to my married sisters…Hmmmn…I see a trend that is quite disturbing. A woman is suspicious about every move of her husband. She checks his phone for any rival; monitors his every move and nags him about cheating on her. Tell me how you will even be happy in that marriage. Girl, it is not your monitoring that will make your man faithful to you. Instead, you are susceptible to getting hypertension or a nervous breakdown.

You can actually turn your spouse into a cheater with the pressure of unnecessary suspicion. Some women drive their men crazy with monitoring his every move so much that the man begins to dread going home to his wife after closing from work. Such men begin to spend longer hours outside the home and this will only aggravate your fear as a woman.

So dear woman/sister please it is time to change your tactics in keeping your man. Suspicion will only make things worse neither can you continue on the path of being over possessive…you simply don’t want him talking to any other woman.

Concentrate on turning your man’s attention to you
Concentrate on making your man your friend
Concentrate on making him want to come to you every day as soon as he is done working for the day.

How to get your man to have eyes only for you and be your friend:
Love yourself. If you don’t love yourself you will not trust another person’s love
Be a prayerful woman: You need God to teach you, change you and your partner for the better.

But My dear sister/woman going to prayer mountains may not be the solution you need to keep your man, you need to change your attitude also.

Work on being a better person and partner.
• Let go of your parent’s marriage issues: Some women think that since their parent’s marriage didn’t work or since their dad walked out on their mother every man cannot be trusted.

Your parent’s story doesn’t have to be your story. You can have a beautiful home and marriage.

Affirm your man and praise him even for little things he does. For example, your husband buys something and all you can think of is how he could have gotten a better deal. Then you go ahead to tell him that he was cheated, you are deflating his ego. Next time he might not buy anything again and don’t complain when he doesn’t.
Be interested in his job, hobbies and ask him about it. This kind of conversation is building friendship between you both. And seriously you don’t have to be a fan of his hobby but because it matters to him be interested. I am not a football fan but my husband….hehehe he loves football.

Suspicion only breeds trouble especially if the other party is not guilty of anything.

More Woman to Woman Talk Issues coming up on this blog: We will be talking and you can join the conversation. Let’s help each other succeed and become better.

Adebisi Adetunji(C)

Not Happy but Still In Love…Is this Possible?

love-and-happinessIs love tied to happiness? Yes, love does have something to do with happiness.

Do you feel happy all the time with the person you are in love with? Definitely NO!

Does that make you fall out of love with your partner? Possibly for some…

Where I’m I going with this?

I am just concerned about how we fall out of love in this generation simply because we are not feeling that happiness with our partner or spouse.
Every now and then you are here the lines: “Oh I have to be happy”, “My happiness matters”, “I have to do what makes me happy”. Did you notice the “I’s”, “My”. We are a people or should I say a generation of Me…me…me

Have you ever thought that Love is much more than what we make it be?

What is Love? Not easy to define sometimes but I’ll try

It is a good feeling: but doesn’t always feel good. So Love is more than just a feeling of butterflies

Love is a Choice: You can actually choose to love someone or choose not to. That’s when we say we fall out of love.

Love is not something out of control: So you are feeling so ecstatic about that woman/man; you can’t breathe, you can sleep, you can’t wait to be with him or her every time. Hmmm…love is definitely exciting but why does it sometimes Feazel away? Point here If he or she is married to someone better control that your love feeling or else risk becoming unhappy soon as he/she will also cheat on you soon.

Love can be pain staking/painful: Sometimes you are misunderstood for loving or your acts of love. Sometimes you have to go the extra mile to do something special. Love is willing to do so much more for the one it loves.

Love is humble: It is not self-seeking; it is not arrogant. You must know that you can be wrong so admit it when you are to your partner or spouse.

Love fights- Be very sure that you will engage in arguments and have fights with the one you love. It is perfectly normal and I don’t mean physically punching each other. So misunderstandings help you both to get to know each other as you handle your conflicts rightly.

Love is a stickler or should I say a sticker: It doesn’t just walk away simply because some things are not perfect. It doesn’t give up easily on its partner or spouse. Love is a stickler or should I say a sticker

Love is committed- Love does not stay only on days it feels good.

Is your love all about making you feel good?

Love is much more than happiness

I really don’t how to say this forgive me if it seems like I am ranting…

We need to love moreour marriages need to be more than just about ourselves and how we feel. You have a right and need to be happy in your marriage relationship but how much are you willing to give it to make it work?

Love is so much more…selfless and unselfish.
Before you walk away are you loving right?!

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Weekend thoughts: Benefits of Sharing a Room & Bed with your Spouse

WHY Couples don’t share a room
• Some don’t want to share with a nursing mother or a menstruating woman.
• One room might not be enough for women to store their bags and shoes
• A continues hold on privacy
• Snoring
• Sometimes one partner may need  work late and this might disturb the sleep time of the other person.
• Sometimes one person needs to get early to work and he/she does not want to disturb other who might want to sleep in late.

These reasons are valid but take a closer look at the bigger picture if you want to achieve better intimacy with your partner: COUPLES IN BED

Benefits of sharing room with spouse
• It makes it harder to keep malice. And I am told a smaller bed is effective in helping to quickly settle quarrels as bodies of partners touches. *wink* 🙂
• A reason to cuddle up together more.

Benefits of sleeping together in the same bed: Lessons from the book- “Two in bed” by Dr. Paul Rosenblatt (Family social science professor)

Pillow Talk –It gives them a chance to talk about the day’s events, share feelings and concerns, and solve problems together.

Intimacy –The cuddling, spooning and warmth of being close to another are soothing in ways we may not even recognize. It increases feelings of intimacy with your spouse, and for women it enhances a sense of physical safety and security. Obviously, physical closeness increases the opportunity for sexual interaction.

Remember a happily Ever After requires sacrifice and spicing of your love life. Have a fabulous weekend.

Photo Credit:

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Beyond Flowers, Chocolate & Ice-Cream


Flowers 4Every time a guy or should i say “gentle man” brings a bunch of flower to his sweet heart the girl’s heart melts into a cream of love… if you know what i mean. The bunch of flowers accompanied with a cozy time out together says “I’ve got eyes only for you”. And the lady travels into the world of a far away never ending love story.

The magic of the moment is complete when the “gentle man” pushes his chair back at the special dinner table and goes on bend knees. A flashing diamond ring appears…a symbol of commitment…a life together and the lady mesmerized and hardly able to breath whispers a “yes” with eyes glittering and tears threatening to fall.

It was one of the best days for the two love birds. All too quickly plans for sealing the engagement and moving unto a forever happily union begins. Boy marries girl of his dream; girl marries the love of her life and the journey begins.

Expectations are high and they both believed that their love can only grow stronger as they tied the knot. They soon found out that it was a lot more than they expected. Soon the “gentle man” turned husband forgets her birthday; he forgets to bring her flowers; very few times of chocolate and Ice-cream or not all. The Lady finds out that being married meant been able to organize a home: cooking, doing the dishes, laundry, running after the kids to get them ready for school, running errands for almost everyone in the house. The enormous responsibility weighs heavily on her and she thinks “no way i didn’t bargain for this! Just because i got married doesn’t mean i am anybody’s house help”…”I deserve to be treated better”.

Where i am going with this: I am definitely for a man helping out with house chores but seriously if you are thinking of getting married as a girl it is more than flowers,chocolate, and Ice-cream. It is serious work…serious responsibility! A woman is the Managing Director of her home and her job is not swerving around in a chair and dishing out commands. She has to role up her sleeves and get down to work.

Why this is an issue: Many young girls dream away not understanding the realities that comes with marriage and managing a home. I know of a few ladies who got married and are having serious trouble with keeping their homes tidy and generally been able to take care of their new and young family. This is causing a lot of tension in the union.

Face the fact: If you want to get married as a woman, know how to cook, keep a clean and tidy home, know what it means to manage a home. Hey, your man may serve you breakfast in bed, may help with some chores in the house but 90% of the rest of your life together…you are in charge!

Marriage is hard work …to make it work….Take your home economics or home management course seriously!!! Hee…heee…(Laughter) This is not to say marriage is not fun and sweet…with the right partner who by the way is not a perfect human being.

Remember it goes beyond the flowers, chocolate & Ice-Cream Girls!!! Flowers 3


Ice cream


Photo Credits:

Ice Cream PNG image



Adebisi Adetunji (C)