Hmmm… This Story Touched me… It just might Save Your Marriage

MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS .………..A friend posted on my whatsapp and I simply want to share it with you.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know crewhat I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? You know

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Remember love is the richest of all treasures. Without it there is nothing; and with it there is everything. Love never perishes , even if the bones of a lover are ground fine like powder. Just as the perfume of sandalwood does not leave it, even if it is completely ground up, similarly the basis of love is the soul, and it is indestructible and therefore eternal. Beauty can be destroyed , but not love.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Movie Review: The Wedding Party – Its dramatic, a power tussle and Love saga

Finally, I got around to watching this much talked about the movie which started showing in the cinemas in December 2016. The Wedding Party is a Nigerian romantic and comedy movie. It is dramatic, funny, a power tussle between two wealthy families and a love saga as well.

If you are a Nigerian this movie reminds you of when you first introduced your intended who happens to be from another culture to your parents!!! This can sometimes meet with resistance.

If you are from across the globe The Wedding Party showcases the cultural side of a typical Nigerian marriage. We like our wedding party/ceremony to be big with your whole village clan, family, and friends in attendance. Apart from this expect the “Mo gbo, mo yaa (Uninvited guests who are not related or known to the couple or even their family members). They are the gate crashers.

In Nigeria when you print a 100 wedding invitation cards plan for 300 guests. Yes, o…for example if you invite me and my husband we will bring our children and also neighbors who might be less busy on your wedding day and whom you don’t know. In the movie, you are definitely going to see gate crashers.

The Wedding Party is the love story of a young couple who struggle to get the approval of the groom’s mother. They also had to contend with former girlfriends of the groom as well. The story all happens in one day from the morning of the wedding to the reception where the bride takes off because of a shocking betraying revelation.

Meanwhile, the bride and groom’s parents also have secrets of their own. The bride’s father is broke and hadn’t paid for the cake wedding and other food items meant for the wedding but his wife thinks they have got what it takes to show her proud son-in-law’s mother that they were rich as well.

The groom’s parents are struggling with their marriage and for many years they haven’t been able to fix it. These secrets spilled out when the two families are held at gunpoint by an “area boy” who had earlier sneaked into the wedding reception. Tempers flared between the families and they soon found out that the only way they were going to save themselves was to work as a team.

The Wedding Party ends on a note of hope and reconciliation. A fantastic love story of the young and the old the Nigerian way.

Lessons
– No matter how old your marriage becomes you need to keep love alive.
– Stop taking one another for granted.
– Fix the problem quickly before it becomes a mighty ocean that will eventually drown you all.
– Remember to say I love you often
– Stay faithful to your partner
– Mistakes happen, fix it don’t repeat it.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

A basket of fruits and a Bride: Family Pre-wedding Introduction in Yoruba Culture

When a couple decides to take things further by tying the knot. In Africa or at least Nigeria the lovers speak to their parents and a date is fixed for what we call “family Introduction” as the Yorubas call it.

The groom to be’s  family members will go visiting their in laws with a basket of fruits. Sometimes the basket of fruits can be more than one accompanied with bottles of  wine.


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Both families meet and are introduced to themselves. After this fun meeting because it is usually a party time as the bride to be’s family prepare a table for their in laws to be.

In the end a date is fixed for the traditional wedding and church/court/Nikki wedding.

The bride’s family also give the groom’s family a carton of biscuits, bottle of wine and pack of sweets as a take away gift.


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Family support and approval is very important in the decision to get married.

This post was inspired by my  brother in law’ s “Family Introduction”. Congratulations namesake – Bisicrown  and Opeyemi. img_20161225_164904

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

You Must Read this Love Story… Inspiring.

This love tale keeps blossoming even after 34years. We need more marriages that will stand the test of time.

anniversary-tinz“So here’s the thing. The 19 year old brother of my school mate and friend Meg came to my school one Visiting Sunday with his parents and siblings to visit her. Having no family in Kano, I was on Meet, Greet and Call detail. Later I stopped at their picnic to greet Meg’s family and we were introduced. He was a slim geeky lad with glasses and a reserved mien. I liked him. I liked his brown intense eyes. But he was anything but my type. I thought I liked the extroverted, party animal, with it, fun loving, I know all the latest dance steps, know all the lyrics to all the latest records, know what’s going on kind. It was 3 days to my 17th birthday. He made me laugh. Quiet sense of humor, ok. He made eye contact the entire time. He obviously liked me. His intent brown eyes got me. And after I walked away, I thought Hmm I like him. He’s too quiet though. But I talked so much. He still makes me talk too much to this day. He’s a master of the art of making others do the talking and still make it the best conversation you ever had. That’s my Toni. Oh another thing I loved about him that sealed the deal? He loved his mom so much and was so close to his younger only sister, they wrote each other every week. Wow. Here’s someone who’d care for me perhaps, I said to myself. 3 days later I received a birthday card and a friendly letter. Ok that’s enough now. 9 years later we wedded. 34 years ago. Boy meets girl, who’d have thought that would lead to this. I’m so happy and blessed. God loves me to give me Toni’s love as well. We give thanks”

Take Away Points:

Opposites attract.  You don’t have to like the same things just enjoy each other’s company.

If He loves his mother then he can love you better. No cause for alarm.

Happy Wedding Anniversary Mr & Mrs Toni/Data Phido. May you enjoy more blissful years filled with love.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

14 years and still Counting….

14 years and still Counting…. FAMILY PIX
It looked like yesterday
We started out in a single room, sleeping on a mattress on the floor
There was no TV, no Stauffer
But we had a lot of love
There was no car, no carpet yet
But we enjoyed strolling down the road hand in hand
We didn’t earn big figures as salaries
But we enjoyed our dozes of vegetables, ponmo, eja kika and eba

FAMILY PIX

14 years and still counting
We have grown
We have more responsibilities
Our family is bigger
We have been to places
We are certainly not where we used to be
We are more blessed

14 years and still counting
We have got bigger dreams waiting to happen
Let the years roll on as we walk together hand in hand
Trusting our heavenly father to unfold bigger and beautiful things
Grateful for this gift…our home…our marriage!!!

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Beyond Flowers, Chocolate & Ice-Cream

 

Flowers 4Every time a guy or should i say “gentle man” brings a bunch of flower to his sweet heart the girl’s heart melts into a cream of love… if you know what i mean. The bunch of flowers accompanied with a cozy time out together says “I’ve got eyes only for you”. And the lady travels into the world of a far away never ending love story.

The magic of the moment is complete when the “gentle man” pushes his chair back at the special dinner table and goes on bend knees. A flashing diamond ring appears…a symbol of commitment…a life together and the lady mesmerized and hardly able to breath whispers a “yes” with eyes glittering and tears threatening to fall.

It was one of the best days for the two love birds. All too quickly plans for sealing the engagement and moving unto a forever happily union begins. Boy marries girl of his dream; girl marries the love of her life and the journey begins.

Expectations are high and they both believed that their love can only grow stronger as they tied the knot. They soon found out that it was a lot more than they expected. Soon the “gentle man” turned husband forgets her birthday; he forgets to bring her flowers; very few times of chocolate and Ice-cream or not all. The Lady finds out that being married meant been able to organize a home: cooking, doing the dishes, laundry, running after the kids to get them ready for school, running errands for almost everyone in the house. The enormous responsibility weighs heavily on her and she thinks “no way i didn’t bargain for this! Just because i got married doesn’t mean i am anybody’s house help”…”I deserve to be treated better”.

Where i am going with this: I am definitely for a man helping out with house chores but seriously if you are thinking of getting married as a girl it is more than flowers,chocolate, and Ice-cream. It is serious work…serious responsibility! A woman is the Managing Director of her home and her job is not swerving around in a chair and dishing out commands. She has to role up her sleeves and get down to work.

Why this is an issue: Many young girls dream away not understanding the realities that comes with marriage and managing a home. I know of a few ladies who got married and are having serious trouble with keeping their homes tidy and generally been able to take care of their new and young family. This is causing a lot of tension in the union.

Face the fact: If you want to get married as a woman, know how to cook, keep a clean and tidy home, know what it means to manage a home. Hey, your man may serve you breakfast in bed, may help with some chores in the house but 90% of the rest of your life together…you are in charge!

Marriage is hard work …to make it work….Take your home economics or home management course seriously!!! Hee…heee…(Laughter) This is not to say marriage is not fun and sweet…with the right partner who by the way is not a perfect human being.

Remember it goes beyond the flowers, chocolate & Ice-Cream Girls!!! Flowers 3

 

Ice cream

 

Photo Credits:

Ice Cream PNG image

Dreamstime.com

Pinterest.com

Diy Enthusiasts.com

 

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

She Built a House under His Nose

HOUSE MODEL

There has been argument for and against a woman building a house without her husband’s knowledge. Unlike in developed countries where housing is planned and anyone wanting to own a house has to buy one, in Africa it’s a different ball game. You want a house or want to be a “landlord” as we say, you have to go through the process of buying a land and saving or loaning money to build your desired dream home.

Largely men are expected by society to be the “chief owners” and landlords of houses. Again i found out that more women now take up this role when they have the resources to own their own properties. Interestingly even though in times past women’s right to own their own lands, houses and properties was frowned at by society my grandmother who is now late had not just a house but she owned a number of properties and did manage to leave a good inheritance for her children.

Now where am i going with this gist? Well there seem to be a lot of quarrel over a woman building a house or even owning a property without the “express permission” of her husband. There are those men who do not like the idea of their wives building a house at all. To them it is like undermining their ability to be “the man” that should provide/leadership role. The other side of the divide are women who do not carry along their husbands in this great investment of building a house/owning a property. When such a man finds out all hell breaks loose. It becomes a big family feud that will require external intervention. Sometimes these marriages break as a result.

I believe there should be nothing hidden between spouses. If i have a land or would like to build, I’ll carry my husband along in my plans. In fact i turned up my nose against women who leave their husband in the dark about such huge steps until i heard this story…

There is this couple whom i would refer to as Mr & Mrs Ray. Mrs Ray purchased a land and built a house without the knowledge of her husband Mr Ray. She held this secret tightly to her heart and revealed it when something happened. Mr Ray’s family showed up one day to inform her that their son, Mr Ray had a baby by another woman. They pleaded with her to forgive him of this betrayal and our dear Mrs Ray refused to go berserk because of this news. Days later she invited her husband to the location of her property to show him the house she had built. Mr Ray went into a shock. When he did recover he accused her of “backstabbing”and was very furious with her. Why did Mrs Ray acquire her own property secretly? Could it be that she did not trust her husband? Perhaps so because it was later revealed by her that Mr Ray collected every penny she made from her business often and had assaulted her physically. A lot happened between them that i would not like to go into in this story but the couple eventually separated.

Sad way for that marriage to have ended but i am forced to ask what is wrong with a woman owning properties, lands and houses? Why do some men feel threatened by this?

A man who supports his woman will be the bigger beneficiary of the dividend.

Men and Women should support one another to succeed for the world can be no better with just one of the gender.

Photo Credit: How to make a model of a house

Adebisi Adetunji (C)