The change you desire requires a change of action.
You’ve got to do something new to get a new result…or at least do the old things better; Stop been afraid to step out.
If you want to get out of debt:
• You must start paying back having a regular payment plan.
• You need to spend within your earning are not over.
• You need to change your credit mentality.
If you want to move into a new job:
• Start searching for your options.
• Acquire skills and training to get you ready and equipped for that new place you envision.
If you want to start a new business:
• Research your field and know more about it.
• Learn from those who have gone ahead of you.
• Be an apprentice if you have to; learn from the mistakes of others
You desire to move from singlehood to been married/into a relationship leading to commitment:
•Are you getting better as a person? Work on being a better you.
• Learn more about what makes relationships/marriage work.
• Get out and be friendly not in a desperate way 🙂
• Come down from your very high standard that even you cannot measure up to.
You desire a better marriage:
• Be willing to give it more of your love, time and resources.
• Work on your annoying habits
• Be willing to forgive and let go.
• Be willing to say I am sorry when you are wrong.
You desire a new accommodation:
• Get out and search your options.
• Decide what you want.
• Plan and save for it.
If you do not change, nothing will change.
Change your position Change the way you think Change yourself by working on yourself Change your plan of action Move, move, don’t just sit down.
What is Your View about Not Working as a Woman and the man pays all the bills?
Women stay at home not employed in a 9-5 job for various reasons. Some want to give time to nursing and caring for their babies and children until they are old enough. This is a great investment and noble role in my opinion.
A category of non- working mothers/women are the ones who do not engage in any business or at least a work from home kind of job because your Excellency the husband says he does not want them to work.The man is wealthy and has a good paying job so he believes he can take care of his wife and family. And my dear woman stays put waiting for her man to bring home the goodies every day. Fantastic but watch it!
Once upon a time, a rich man tells his wife to be a stay at home wife and allow him to take care of her every need. At first, she agreed but soon the entrepreneur in her woke up. She loved to bake and does catering job so she convinced him to allow her to start her own business. It was tough convincing him but she went ahead anyway. A few years down the line the men died and guess what? His family members came karting away all the man’s properties and estate. This dear woman only smiled as she was financially buoyant to care for herself and children. Her business had expanded and it was thriving well. Imagine if she had stayed at home doing nothing as his Excellency her husband wishes.
In case you are thinking this is far-fetched another couple’s story from a different angle might convince you. This time the man had a high paying job and they were really comfortable. However, he encouraged his wife to pursue her business dream and even invested money in helping her expand her business. A few years later he lost his job and this family survived for a season on the wife’s business before he got another job.
There are women who do not even want to work or do any business. This I find amusing and I also keep my fingers cross to see the day trouble will arrive at their door in the name of poverty/hard times. Some women are the ones stopping themselves from working or pursing any business goal and not their husbands. I know of men who set up their wife’s business several times as she keeps ruining it because she believes that there is enough money in his pocket to keep feeding them for a long time. Each time he invests in a business for her she sinks it through negligence and laziness.
Let me share a few things that could happen with that arrangement of not harnessing your skill or engaging in work:
• You become frustratedhaving to depend on your man for every purchase and financial needs.
• You lose your independence somehow.
• The man soon becomes cranky having to deal with and give you money even for minute things. Soon he begins to lash out even when it is unintentional.
• Tension over money matters.
• If something goes wrong with your man’s business, job or source of income you are all in a BIG FINANCIAL MESS.
Benefit of Work to a Woman
Work for you as a woman goes beyond just earning money. It gives you a sense of fulfillment.
Work gives you a channel to use your skill and contribute your quota as a human being to society.
Work gives you an opportunity to make your dreams come true.
When I say work I do not necessarily mean an office job. Whatever you do using your talent, time and skills to make a living is your work.
So get off your butt and get to work. Do something Woman!
Two young ladies made an impression on me this week. I will call both of them Janet and Rose (not real names) respectively. Janet is a cleaner at an organization who needed this job badly at least from what I observed but she had an attitude problem. Often I hear of complaint that she spoke rudely to her supervisors each time she is queried for coming late to work or not doing her job well. I wondered how long she would last on this job.
Some time ago I remember having a conversation with Janetabout not limiting herself to this cleaning job. I encouraged her to think of furthering her education. A few days ago I heard that Janet simply announced that she was no longer coming to work again as a cleaner…I was flabbergasted! Not that she didn’t have a right to leave this cleaning job but I knew it was about her not being ready to get her hands dirty to climb her ladder of success slowly but surely. I wondered what lay ahead, she may get pregnant again as she already had a baby whose father is nowhere to be found.
Never be ashamed or too proud to start small. Small things become big.
Rose on the hand is a Diploma student who came on Industrial attachment to the same organization Janet worked in as a cleaner. While Rose was a student Intern she was up and doing learning all she could. Everyone spoke well of her as she was dutiful and respectful. Rose just finished her Industrial attachment and it coincided with Janet’s announcement of leaving.
What was baffling for me was that Rose quickly applied to be a cleaner to replace janetin the same organization to enable her to earn some money to further pursue her education!
Why I’m I surprised? It is not too often that I see a student willing to be a cleaner, washing toilets, sweeping offices and getting his/her hand dirty with dignity.
Many young people want to start from the top of the ladder of success instead of climbing up steadily like Janet.
I feel sorry for Janet and wonder what her life will eventually turn out to be. She is ill-equipped and ill-prepared for a life of independence with little or no education or skills. And instead of settling down to working her way up, she wants things to move fast. And as I observed her from afar, she has a lot of unserious men flocking around her and she is really enjoying the attention.
Getting our hands dirty in a good way, is a good thing. Humility brings exaltation and promotion. There is dignity in labor. Work is a good thing…It is a gift…It is a channel of blessings.
This week let’s talk about empowering ourselves as women. “Je ki Oko o de” literally means “A woman who waits and depends on her husband to buy or pay for everything she needs personally or to keep the home running”.
Some time ago I heard of a woman whose husband set her up in a business two or three different times. I will call her Titi(not real name).
Titi enjoys sitting at home and watching movies, shopping for new clothes, visiting and chatting with friends. When it comes to running her business she isn’t interested. And so everytime she starts a business she ruins it losing both capital and profit. Titi is comfortable with just living a flamboyant life and sitting at home. Lucky for her she has a man who is rich. However the man soon got fed up of having to help her set up any business and losing all the money. This became an issue in their family.
Another category of “Je Oko o De women are young ladies who are not even properly educated or come from a humble background. They marry a man struggling to make ends meet and simply refuse to work. The man is expected to take care of her, their 7 children and the home. If she wants to buy salt, sugar, food and even her underwears she waits for her dear husband to pay for everything! (Ridiculous). Such a woman is at the mercy of the poor husband who has to pay for everything. Unfortunately some of these men spend their money on other things and not on these wives.
So woman, lady here is the thing, It is time you make something out of your life! You need to be financially empowered!
It is time you pay attention to minding your business or career.
Lady forget that gist that a man us solely meant to be the provider. Some of my friends will say do you want to kill him in this economic recession! 😀.
And seriously you need to be free and able to meet some of your own financial needs. It is unfair to yourself and your husband to depend on him for everything. It is frustrating in my own opinion.
Why you need to earn your own money:
1) It enables you to be financially free,
2) You get that rewarding feeling that you can contribute to the upkeep of your family.
3) You have a sense of dignity being able to make some money no matter how little.
4) You are able to give your aged parents money without hassling your man to do it.
5) It eases money tension in the homeand saves you the embarrassment of not been able to handle even simple money needs of your children.
6) God forbid anything happening to the man...I mean people die so what happens to you and your children. Especially if the man’s extended family are the type that will come and take over the man’s property leaving his wife with nothing.
7) Say your man even loses his job or business what will you all fall back on?Your own earnings can save the family financial embarrassment before your man finds his feet again.
The virtuous in the book of proverbs was a hard working business woman who provided for her household and her husband was respected in the gates of the city. STOP Being Lazy!
Time to pursue your dreams, time to mind your business and career.
In another post we will take a look at ways to make money as a woman. Till then enjoy your everyday life and know that you are special, woman.
She is the daughter of my 16years hair stylist….really I am amazed that I have stayed with her for this long. The secret of course is good service and a good customer relationship. We are like family now I believe. It is difficult to get me into the salon of another hair stylist to make my hair.
I first met Iya Fade as we all call her in 2001, then Fade the all grown lady wasn’t even in secondary school yet. This post is set to promote the need to pass down your skills to your children. You will be simply equipping them with tools for a better future. She has grown to become a very beautiful lady and I imagine the suitor’s queue is really long. This is her story as I chatted with her while she and her mum braided my hair.
At first, Fade was not interested in learning how to make other people’s hair. She was young and did not understand why she had to get her hand all dirt in wet waters. However an unce and aunty of hers convinced her that it was good to acquire this skill alongside getting an education. At least she did not have to pay to learn. Slowly and grudgingly at first she began to pay more attention while in her mother’s salon. Soon she picked up interest and became passionate about making hairstyles for customers.
What I admire Iya Fade for is that she is got taste and is classy;she is creative, hardworking very good at her craft. She seems to thrive on all handy craft as often she makes hair creams, soaps, body cream to cater for the hair needs and treatments of her customers. And she uses natural products to make the blend. If you’ve got issues with your hair Iya Fade is a hair stylist you need to see.
So you can begin to understand the rich skills Fade stand to gainfrom her mother by paying attention. Thankfully she did pay attention. Right now Fade is competing well with her mum and even doing more.
Fade got admission into the Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile Ife to study the course: English Language.In school she was learning and making some change making fellow students hair. So that means she is never broke.
Right now Fade is done with her University education and waiting to go for her National Youth Service Corp(NYSC) but she got busy going to a makeover school and also started to attend a businessmanagement schoolin order to be able to manage her own business.
Fade is now the CEO of Fade’s Touch. Her business provides these services for clients:
1) Hair-do– All kinds of hair styles ranging from braids, dread, weaves, natural style, natural hair care, fixing of weavon.
2) Makeover – Bridal makeover, home services, Owanbe-party make up, dinner makeover, casual makeover
4) Sale of Make-up products
5) Sale of shoes & Bags
I told Fade that she will probably soon start employing her colleagues😀😀👍
I am so pleased to see that this young woman has carved a niche for herself. She will not be under pressure in the labour market looking for a job. She has become an employer herself.
Allow your children get more than a school education. Harness that gifting and talents. Let them acquire skills that will put more value on them in the labour/business market.
You can reach Fade’s Touch for your beauty services on: Phone No: 08164423645 Instagram : Fade_rera Twitter: @fade_rera
What you need to manage that project well and achieve a measurable success:
1) write down a clear blueprint forthe project – This is where you put down the aim/purpose of the project; what you hope to achieve.
2) Develop the blueprint, aims, and objectives of the project with the organization hiring you as the project manager. It is important that you the project manager is on the same page with the project’s commissioner. This will prevent a misunderstanding while carrying out the project.
3) Identify team members you need tocarry out the project successfully.
4) Sell the aim of the project to your team members clearly. Let them have a buy-in and team members should be clear about their roles and expected delivery time.
5) Get team members involved in the planning stage of the step by step processes of execution of the project.This will help them to feel like they own the project. It will also give a clear picture of what is expected on the field while gathering data or fulfilling their part in the project.
6) Write a budget that will cover all expenses such as staff salaries,transportation, accommodation, the cost of field trips, the fee for contractors.
7) As a project manager assess the progress of the project against your timeline for execution by taking note of what isn’t working; what needs to be improved upon; achievement so far and how much work still needs to be done. Ensure that team members have reports for each stage ready and sent to you for preview.
8) Don’t forget to let the hiring organization know their own role in implementing the project such as access to information; key staff needed to provide necessary input to make implementation possible.
9) Draw and sign an agreement stating clearly what area of the project will be covered by you and your team; what area will be handled by the hiring organization; what you will not do. This will prevent incitement of extra cost that may arise from the employer suddenly wanting to saddle you with responsibilities that are not part of the project initially.
10) Be clear that the hiring organization is willing and ready to pay you for the execution of the project. Agree on fees, how and when it will be paid before commencing with the project. Get paid with a responsible mobilization Fee that will help run the project.
11) Have a measurable assessment planin place: This will help to assess to what extent the project achieved its aims and objectives. This very important to know whether a project was successful. It will also help to determine whether to consolidate on the present achievements.
12) Be honest and pay your teammembers what you have agreed upon. Do not short change them. Make them happy as they are the ones who will help make a success of the project. This will, in turn, make you look good in the eyes of the hiring organization. Your recommendation score goes up.
Most importantly take on projects that match your skills and you are equipped to execute successfully.
There are parts of me that have been hiding all my life. I’m daily surprised by the emergence of new aspirations, new dreams, new fears, new flaws, new hopes and new traits I was not expecting.
Why am I digging up and dusting old dreams. It probably never died. Through these new discoveries, I’m reminded that as long as I engage in the process of continuous self-development, new discoveries are inevitable.
The concept I have of myself, my value, my very purpose in life form the core of what influences my personality.So when I am quiet it is for a reason. When I am assertive and refuse to back down in an argument, it is for a reason. When I remain indifferent about an issue, there’s a reason for it.
I strive to be intentional and deliberate about my every act. But I’m asking will it change when I marry? Will I have to “adjust” my personality to suit my in-laws? Will I be assertive enough as a mother to ensure my children are well disciplined?
As I advance in age, will I have the resolve and energy to pursue new projects and initiatives?How will hormonal changes affect my well-being? Will I age gracefully indeed?
Do you as a woman also go through these eeerm say gender musings?
This post was written by Oyinkansola Peter-Ajayi. Oyinkan is a Correspondent and Presenter with Radio Nigeria. She lives by the mantra, “Eagles don’t flock” and tweets @Oyinpeter_ajayi