Woman to Woman Talk #17: Park Well

Hello my feminine clan whether you prefer to be called a lady or woman, I missed you and this time we do share together. It has been twoq weeks now since we chatted on the “woman to woman talk” series. Please pardon me I have had to put a few things in place. But hey grab a chair and let’s talk.

Today’s gist centers around something I observe and find annoying while driving around town.

Is it just me or have you ever noticed it too. Why is it that when we, women want to buy something by the road side we don’t park properly? I am talking about my fellow Nigerian women oooo! Often a woman just steps on her car break as soon as she sees something she wants to buy,  parking almost in the middle of the road. Soon other car owners will begin to honk behind her; it is simply not a pleasant sight. Please dear fellow woman/ Lady Park well when you need to buy something beside the road.

In other countries you will end up paying a fine for obstructing traffic. So please be civilized and considerate of others while driving on the road. I mean follow the rules of driving girl….

Are you guilty of not parking properly and stopping to buy something by the road side? What’s your view about this? Share your thoughts… 😀😀

Catch you soon
Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Advertisements

Woman to Woman Talk #16 – Are you one of those praying for your mother-in-law to die? Seriously?! Find Out how to have a better Relationship with Her.

We hear a lot about monster mother in-laws. And if you come from some of our tribes it is a never ending war between mother-in-laws and their daughter-in-laws. It is like we are practically fighting for the attention of the poor man who is not sure of his role as a son or spouse anymore.

Indeed there some very incorrigible mother-in-laws; nothing their daughter in-law ever does is right but paying bad deeds with good is the key here. This can be tough, but being good to your mother-in-law pays in the end. Call her on her birthdays, buy her gifts, encourage your husband, her son to do something nice for his mother. After all you would want your daughter – in-law to do the same for you.

Some single ladies are so terrified of what their mother-in-law could do to make life unbearable for them in their matrimonial home that they wish her dead! Yes, I hear of ladies praying that their mother-in-law would die before they tie the knot with the love of their life. Hmmmn…how would you like your future daughter –in-law to wish you dead too?😱

You don’t have to be terrified of having a mother-in-law. Remember that she had to give birth to her son which gave you an opportunity to meet him in the first place. So be grateful for that. Put yourself in her shoes; she has her fears too about totally losing her son’s attention to you. And seriously the mother-son loving relationship is punctured when the boy falls in love with a girl.

So recognize why there might be an issue:
• You are coming from a different background and generation from your mother-in-law.
• Her view of life is some worth different from yours.
• Just because your mother or friend had a turbulent relationship with her in-laws doesn’t mean you will also experience the same thing.
It is possible to have a good, cordial and loving relationship with your mother-in-law.

How to have a better relationship with your mother-in-law?
First, see her as your own mother for indeed she became your second mum. Surely you do have a misunderstanding with your mum but you usually find a way around it. So find a way around that misunderstanding between you and your mother-in-law.
Study your mother-in-law, find out what she likes and dislikes.
Just because you are now married to her son shouldn’t mean that she is banished for life in her son’s life and your family. Allow your mother-in-law to be a part of your lives. I mean she deserves a right to be a part of her grandchildren’s lives. And it is a relief to you too on days when you simply need a break from the stress of caring for your family.
Make up your mind to be your mother-in-law’s friend as much as possible.
You will not always see eye to eye on a lot of issues but gently and wisely make her see reason. Sometimes let her son, your husband explain things to her. Some things might be better received when it is coming from her son.

When it is really difficult to deal with your mother-in-law, pray for her and yourself. Do your best and keep loving no matter what.

Remember, your mother-in-law is a fellow woman – support each other.

I think we should talk about how to be your daughter- in-law’s Friend in my next woman to Woman Talk post. 😀😀

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Woman – to – Woman Talk #15: Evening Dresses/Gowns in Market Places & Office?

There are dresses for the different occasion. Sometimes while driving around or taking a stroll I come upon a lady wearing what I call, “an evening gown” in broad daylight!! This kind of dress will make even fellow women who have a dress sense to turn and say haha…ki leleyi? (What is this?).

The most interesting part of it all is that the lady/woman in question will be feeling like on-top of the world. Haba! This scenario also shows up in the office space sometimes. How do you react to a colleague who shows up at work in a nice evening dress on Monday morning o?! Please, ladies, there are appropriate dresses meant for a different occasion.

Just because you saw your favorite actress on a television set wearing a particular kind of dress that you fell in love with doesn’t mean when you do get it, then you show up at work with it. Are you trying to make a statement? Well, you did but in a way, you didn’t intend.

I am not perfect in this dress sense thing but I do try my best to look good for an occasion appropriately. Ask if you don’t know.

So what I’m I saying here? Wear appropriate clothes to appropriate places o before you start to look like a clown. Ask and keep asking if you don’t know. Google has made it easy just type in, “clothes for the office”; “clothes for when going to the market”; “clothes for exercising”, “clothes for a Gala night” etc.

Cheers enjoy your weekend!!

Photo Credit : Pink Queen  – In case you are looking for lovely evening gowns.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Woman to Woman Talk #13 – Watch that Artificial Eye Lashes… I Found out something #Harmful

Looking good is good business they say. I am for looking good but hey,  how harmful can it get sometimes?

The history of Artificial or false eyelashes dates back to the 18th century. However,  in 1916 it was believed to be made popular by an American film director known as W. Griffti  who used artificial eyelashes to help make the eyes of an actress to shine boldly in a film. Since then the use of artificial eyelashes has become popular amongst actresses, celebrities and the fashion industry. So basically women use artificial eyelashes to have fuller and bolder lashes and look. It is a beauty enhancer.

It is trending now at least in Nigeria for women to enhance their beauty by fixing artificial eyelashes. Trust ladies when there is party or “owanbe” as we say in Yoruba women visit their salon or beauticians to give them an entirely new look that makes a statement. Nothing wrong with looking your best and being fashionable but hey when it might constitute a danger to you, time to stop and think again!

And then again I see women who get their eyelashes fixed with artificial ones and the glue on one end of it dries up faster such that it doesn’t hold that end to the lids. I say that makes such a woman look a little off her fashion statement (sort of rough).

Exactly where am I going with this? I want to share a little of what I have lately learned about the dangers inherent in the use of artificial eyelashes.

What is the original purpose/function of our natural eyelashes?

It is to protect the eyes from dust, moisture and dirt.

Harmful effects of using artificial eyelashes

  • The glue used to attach false eyelashes to the eyelids contains chemicals that can be harmful to your eyes. It can cause irritation/allergy.
  • Most artificial eyelashes are longer and fuller than the natural one and this result into increase in air flow around the eyes. Dust gathers and settles more on your eye lids which is harmful to your sight.
  • Artificial eyelashes are comfortable ground for bacteria to fester because of it gives room for dirt to gather.
  • Constant and continuous use of false/artificial eyelashes can lead to loss of sight when the eye is exposed to chemicals from the glue, dirt and bacteria.
  • Artificial eyelashes can damage your natural ones and hinder its growth. Attempts to remove fixed lashes can uproot your natural eyelashes in the process.
  • There are least 10 or more dangers of using false eyelashes.

Your Vision is important. It is your window to the see the world. You cannot afford to be careless with your vision in the name of fashion.

Watch it and if you must use an artificial/false eyelashes get professionals to help you fix yours.  Understand how long you should have them on. Experts say that fixed eyelashes should be removed before going to bed every night and advised against  the use of long lasting ones. So if you cannot have it removed that day stay away from using them.

Abeg, Oju ni alakan fi nso ori o!

Photo Credit: Shutter Stock

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Woman to Woman Talk #12 – Are You Emotionally Strong? How to Prevent Getting Hurt

Yeah… It is that time again when we talk about our own matter as women.

A story that mirrors what I want to talk about comes to mind. It was back in my day at the university there was this lady from church that I know. I will call her Martha. She had this gloomy air around her all the time. Martha had this sad face and she was rarely friendly with people. Everyone was like, “what is this woman’s problem?! Including yours sincerely, me. So we avoided her as best as we could but after a while I was curious so I started to investigate her issue… Call it Aproko or being nosey. I simply had to know and in my detective work 😁 *wink* I found out that Martha had been jilted by a guy whom she thought was serious about settling down to a life time commitment in marriage with her.

Martha was hurting I could see and I empathized with her seriously. Here is the real gist:

Her Prince charming had been dotting on her taking her out on a number of dates. Martha assumed that all the time spent together in each other’s company meant that he really wanted to be with her. One day this man showed up with a wedding card invitation! Martha’s world spun and she was devastated. Her man was only enjoying her company but never wanted it to go beyond this.
His defense was this “But I never proposed marriage to you”. But he had been eating good home made meals at her place. He had also been taking her out to eateries and everyone thought they were an item together before he dropped the bomb shell of not been interested.

The crux of the matter here lady: You have to be emotionally smart! If a guy possibly even your very good friend begins to spend more time than necessary with you then you need to ask point blank, where the relationship is going. Define such a relationship so you don’t get your high hope of having found love dashed.

You have to be emotionally smart!

So lady, do not allow your emotions to overrule good judgment. Protect yourself by being emotionally intelligent. I am not saying you should not have friends or be too defensive when dealing with men in your life. Be friendly but wise. Stop wearing your heart on your sleeve. Don’t jump to a conclusion that the guy who is doting all over you really wants to take the relationship further.

Don’t jump to a conclusion that the guy who is doting all over you really wants to take the relationship further.

And you need to understand that some men test the waters. By this I mean they have you and probably two or three other ladies in mind… Not funny but it happens.

In case your heart has been broken once or more times than you can count hey hugs from me. You will rise and find love again. Do not stop your life because of a heart break. Cry and allow yourself to heal.

Your scars should not keep hurting you for the rest of life. Let them be a reminder of how you have grown and become better.
Your scars can lead to good and great testimonies.

Loads of love to every woman/Lady hurting.

Photo Credit: The Single Woman Blog(Heart Broken by – Mandy Hale

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Woman to Woman Talk #11 – Step up Your Game – Staying Healthy & Clean

Well hello there…How has your life been? What have you been up to lately? I totally hope and pray that your life has been easy…hmmmn it might be really tough now with all you have to joggle. Some things are just out of our control but wherever your life is at right now, hey it can be better. So take one day at a time; one moment at a time.

My crux of the matter today is simply about how to maintain a healthy life style, a clean and tidy living environment. It starts with taking care of your body. Besides taking your bath how else can you take care of your body?

I know a lot of us ladies like to look prim, proper and beautiful after all looks are everything to a woman. Now some ladies don’t really care about all that make up stuff. They just want to maintain a simple outlook so they go for easy to wear stuff but girl you need to pep up your appearance sometimes. A good massage, full makeover, a new dress and shoe is definitely a nice way of treating yourself special.

 Lady you need to pay attention to been clean inside and out.

Tips for maintaining good body hygiene and cleanliness
Take a shower not only in the mornings, when you get back from the day’s work is a good time to take a warm or cold bath whichever you prefer. It freshens you up and kind of like a massage to your aching and tired body. Then you are also able to get rid of dirt and sweat making you appealing to yourself and husband just in case some snuggling and intimacy thing will happen *wink*
Shave your armpit and vagina(some people like to trim instead). This makes it easy to wash off sweat and clean your private area. I know you use deodorant and roll-on but nothing better than good old water and soap after which you can now apply all the nice scent products.
Wash off your make up before you go to bed.
Wash your underwears and keep them clean. 1) Please wear a different under pant for each day. It is easy for guys/men to wear a boxer for one week without washing it. It is a no…no…no for a woman or lady. This is because we have slight discharge apart from our menstrual blood flow. You are playing with infection from germs. 2) Wash your brazier and inner wear often. Don’t wear your brazier for a month before remembering to wash it, that is simply unhygienic and unhealthy.
Wash your clothes. learn to do some of your laundries yourself or hire someone to do it if you can afford it.

Tips for maintaining a clean and healthy living environment
• Sweep and mop the floor.
• Stop leaving dirty plates and pots in the sink. To save yourself the stress of washing a whole stack learn to clean up immediately after cooking. When you are done eating wash your plates immediately and get everyone in your house to wash their plates immediately after use especially your children. Sometimes “the husband” too should help with the dishes especially our African men …Lol
• Have a laundry basket where everyone throws their dirty clothes instead of littering your room and everywhere in the house with worn clothes.
• Have a day to do your washing don’t just keep post phoning.
Your sitting room should also be comfortable and clean. If you are nursing a baby do not allow him/her to pee on the couch. You are not going to like the odor and oozing smell that will greet you afterward if this continues. In case it does happen that your baby pees, or spills food on your couch, clean with soap and water using a sponge or an old cloth material. This will help clean up nicely and leave your couch odorless.
• Now bathrooms and toilets are very important. Keep it clean starts with you flushing after every use whether it is minor or major, by that I mean after urinating or pooping. Wash your toilets and bathrooms at least once a week. Keep the floors free of water by mopping every time water pours on the floor.
Bedrooms and wardrobe: Make your bed as soon as you get up(An advice I need myself as my husband is the one who cannot stand an unmade bed) He actually makes it on our behalf, lucky me. 🙂 Arrange your wardrobe every now and then. Do not jumble dirty and clean clothes together; it will all begin to smell of sweat!

My point here is this woman:

Don’t just pay attention to looking speck and dashing on the outside; pay attention to cleanliness and staying healthy.

And my dear woman who wants to get married but does not like to clean or do house chores, think again o! You will have to do it anyhow because even if your man is a modern man who is so homely, he cannot handle all the work of managing and keeping your home clean.

Why learn how to manage and keep a home tidy and clean
• You and everyone in your family stay healthy.
• You are able to keep a safe environment where children and even you do not injure themselves for tripping over a wire or handling sharp objects for example.
It’s your home, make it comfortable and a place to come to for yourself and family members.
• Some marriages are in troubled waters because of the woman or “madam”, is simply not tidy and very dirty (Not trying to judge here).

Adebisi Adetunji(C)

Woman to Woman Talk #10 – Empower Yourself by Working

What is Your View about Not Working as a Woman and the man pays all the bills?

Women stay at home not employed in a 9-5 job for various reasons. Some want to give time to nursing and caring for their babies and children until they are old enough. This is a great investment and noble role in my opinion.

A category of non- working mothers/women are the ones who do not engage in any business or at least a work from home kind of job because your Excellency the husband says he does not want them to work. The man is wealthy and has a good paying job so he believes he can take care of his wife and family. And my dear woman stays put waiting for her man to bring home the goodies every day. Fantastic but watch it!

Once upon a time, a rich man tells his wife to be a stay at home wife and allow him to take care of her every need. At first, she agreed but soon the entrepreneur in her woke up. She loved to bake and does catering job so she convinced him to allow her to start her own business. It was tough convincing him but she went ahead anyway. A few years down the line the men died and guess what? His family members came karting away all the man’s properties and estate. This dear woman only smiled as she was financially buoyant to care for herself and children. Her business had expanded and it was thriving well. Imagine if she had stayed at home doing nothing as his Excellency her husband wishes.

In case you are thinking this is far-fetched another couple’s story from a different angle might convince you. This time the man had a high paying job and they were really comfortable. However, he encouraged his wife to pursue her business dream and even invested money in helping her expand her business. A few years later he lost his job and this family survived for a season on the wife’s business before he got another job.

There are women who do not even want to work or do any business. This I find amusing and I also keep my fingers cross to see the day trouble will arrive at their door in the name of poverty/hard times. Some women are the ones stopping themselves from working or pursing any business goal and not their husbands. I know of men who set up their wife’s business several times as she keeps ruining it because she believes that there is enough money in his pocket to keep feeding them for a long time. Each time he invests in a business for her she sinks it through negligence and laziness.

Let me share a few things that could happen with that arrangement of not harnessing your skill or engaging in work:
You become frustrated having to depend on your man for every purchase and financial needs.
You lose your independence somehow.
The man soon becomes cranky having to deal with and give you money even for minute things. Soon he begins to lash out even when it is unintentional.
Tension over money matters.
If something goes wrong with your man’s business, job or source of income you are all in a BIG FINANCIAL MESS.

Benefit of Work to a Woman
Work for you as a woman goes beyond just earning money. It gives you a sense of fulfillment.
Work gives you a channel to use your skill and contribute your quota as a human being to society.
Work gives you an opportunity to make your dreams come true.

When I say work I do not necessarily mean an office job. Whatever you do using your talent, time and skills to make a living is your work.
So get off your butt and get to work. Do something Woman!

Adebisi Adetunji ©