She Survived Several Attempts of Suicide… You Don’t Have to End It, There is Hope

I just read this post on a whatsapp group I belong to. It is the personal testimony of Njideka Athalia Adrika. I am still speechless and really moved about what she had been through. You need to read her story… Don’t give in to that suicidal thought! I know life can be hard and tough and you have been through a lot. But YOU ARE IMPORTANT & THERE IS HOPE OF A GREATER FUTURE.

Photo credit - cupofjo. com

Njideka’s Story

WORTHY!

I ingested 120 aspirin when I was 14 because I wanted out. I laid in bed that night waiting for death. What I experienced was a floating sensation as if my body was hovering above me. There was a continuous ringing in my ears and ten thousand drummers banging in my head. I was sleeping but wasn’t asleep; slipping in and out of consciousness. I was glad I have finally ended it…

My mother woke me up the next morning to get ready for school, I was heart broken that I was still alive. I couldn’t eat breakfast that morning, my belly felt shallow and empty, but no one asked me why I wasn’t eating.

As I stood at the Assembly ground, a wave of dizziness overcame me, I started throwing up foamy white liquid. The last thing I heard were screams and commotions.

When I finally came to in the hospital, the doctor questioned mother who smirked and said I was a drama queen.

My mother didn’t ask me why I did such a silly thing. She was only mad that I gave people reasons to talk about us.

I did it again at 18. This time I was wiser. I made sure that I had everything properly planned. No need for a note, they already knew why.
I increased the dosage of the aspirin to 300. I dissolved it in a drink and gulped it down. Then, I started throwing up. The maid heard. Screams.
I woke up in the hospital. But I shut my eyes, willing myself to die. The longer they believe I’m still unconscious, the chances the doctor will keep topping the medication to wake me up, then, it will be too much for me system, I will go.

Beep … beep…beep… what is that sound? It is distracting my dying process. I opened my eyes. The doctor asked why I did it? My mother said I was seeking attention.

I was kept overnight for observation. The hospital psychiatrist came to see me. He wanted to know my motive. “Your life is not yours to take” he said. He asked thousand and one questions but I didn’t utter a word. He was booking another appointment to see me when my mother busted into the room and raised hell.

She threatened to sue the hospital, they had no right to traumatize me the more (like she cared), she was so mad that the veins on her forehead and neck was popping out. She wanted to find out everything I had said in her absence. When she was assured, I didn’t utter a word, she took the doctor’s notes and erased our records from that hospital. We never used the same hospital twice for medical ‘emergencies’.

On our way home, my mother shifted all her frustration on me. I was slapped, pushed, shoved and verbally abused. She called me terrible names and reminded me of how my stupid stunts were attracting unnecessary attention to us. Not once did she ask my reasons, my motives, my triggers… She knows.

My mother – Eberechukwu Adirika nee Ofodili had a tough childhood. Her father was a village policeman with no atom of integrity. He was a criminal with uniform. He was a hired hand for whomever needed police protection, the shadier your business the better. He had three wives and thirteen children and never bothered about any of them. My mother was the fifth child of her father and the first of her mother. Her mother made sure she had primary and secondary education. Before, her father could pimp her out to one of his associates, with the help of her mother she ran to Awka and never returned.
When she got to the state capital, she did odd jobs to survive. She won’t tell us what the jobs were, but it was in one of those jobs she met my father – Chris Ozoemena Adrika.
An undergraduate from a wealthy family.

He helped my mother secure an accommodation, started a restaurant for her, and in turn she took care of his ‘supplies’. Though the ‘supplies’ came later when my mother was solely dependent on my father. He had her where he wanted. In other words, she ran from a brute of a father and ended up with worse for a husband.

At 22, I drank 75cl of kerosene, but death eluded me. I did a thorough research. People died through this method. I didn’t. I was once again taken to the hospital. Stomach pumped, doctors wondered why, mother waved them off. The only difference is that this time my father told me that he is the only one that will decide when I die.

I gained admission into a university in the South – South, I was overjoyed. Freedom!
My hopes were dashed. My father got me into a private Uni at Nkpor, a few kilometers from Onitsha and assigned a driver and car to me.
I have never slept outside my father’s house, apart from my nights in hospitals. My life was already drawn and mapped out for me from birth.

My mates envied me. They think I’m a snob. They had no idea. I’m not allowed to make friends so that I won’t mistakenly get emotional and divulge the family secret. My driver is also my parents’ spy. Every movement I made is reported verbatim. I have no life. I am so depressed. My daily thoughts centers around taking my life yet I’m envied by many.

I was never one to have hope or faith. I was never one to think it will get better. I’m never one to think there will be a way out that is not death. I couldn’t attempt again because I was never alone. My parents made sure of that. I was watched 24/7. I had no privacy. But I needed to die.

After 7 years I met him again. The psychiatrist. He remembered me and my mother’s outburst. He was a medical student when we met years ago. He wanted my phone number. I told him I didn’t own a phone. He asked me out on a date I told him I couldn’t. “Why” he asked. “Too complicated “I said. “I want to be your friend, boyfriend, whatever you are comfortable with” he pressed on. He was running a Masters program and started coming into my lecture room, sitting close to me and we would talk about everything except the “reason”.

He invited me to church programs but I turned him down. So, he started giving me books to read, articles and my first Bible. He never pushed me to tell him my story but always ends our meetings with a prayer; “Father Lord we thank you for yet another day. Thank you for your daughter. You have already started a good thing in her life, and we are confident you will bring it to an expected end. In Jesus name we pray, Amen “.

How will I explain my breakthrough. I don’t know the word to use but maybe just maybe Sylvester’s prayer is working (Yes. That’s his name: Doctor Sylvester Ifediba).

I decided to read the Bible and ask God to speak to me through the Bible, since he has refused to take my life. If he wants me to live, he should give me a purpose. Sly said that the answer to all my questions lies in the bible.

I flipped the pages and ended up in first John, chapter four. I was marveled. God loves me even though my life is so messed up!

1 John 4:9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

1 John 4:10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

1 John 4:15 Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God.

I couldn’t believe what I was reading. God loves me. His love is for me. I needed assurance. I needed more explanation. I asked God to show me more:
I turned my bible to Corinthians;

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

2 Corinthians 5:18 And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;

My hand had a mind of its own, I kept opening scriptures and reading: John 3: 3; 16, Romans 3:23, 5:8, 6:23, etc.

I couldn’t sleep that night, I cried, I read, I pleaded to God to renew my life. At a point, I think my parents came into my room, but I didn’t care. I needed what I was reading in the Bible; Peace. I surrendered my life to Christ that night in my room, where so many evil deeds have been committed. I felt a heavy burden lifted off my life. I felt renewed, I had Peace and finally I was free.

I couldn’t wait to talk to Sly. At school the next day, not caring about my parent’s surveillance, I took him to a quiet corner told him of my experience last night, he hugged me and said a thankful prayer to God. Then, I told him my story.

My name is Njideka Athalia Adrika. The last child and only girl of Chief & Mrs. Chris Adrika. I have 4 older brothers who I was never close to. By the time I was old enough to play with them they were already in boarding schools. We never had relationship till date.

Naturally, I was close to my father. When I was around 3 years old, my nanny then asked me a simple question: have anyone being putting their finger in your pee – pee because I always flinch in pain when she is bathing me. I said yes. “Who” she asked. “Daddy” I answered excitedly. She told my mother and she lost her job (or her life, who knows).

My mother sat me down that day and told me that I shouldn’t tell anyone how much my father loves me, that is how father’s show love to their daughters.

I found out years later that the girls in my class didn’t receive such love from their fathers. My father was an animal and my mother aided him to keep her place in the society.

My mother took me to my first and numerous abortions. When I was not ‘available’, my mother ‘supplied’ my father with young girls. I was a sex toy for my father and my mother made sure I was well polished and shiny for his use. I tried taking my life several times because it was not worth living.

By the time I ended my story, Sly was weeping. He followed me home that day and asked my father to release me to him or he’ll expose him. My father of course threatened him with death. Sly said and I quote; “The story is in the pipeline, any day I go missing, it hits social media and all news agencies “.

I think about that sometimes and am thankful and glad I didn’t t die.

I am 58 years old today, a wife, a mother and have had a wonderful life, one I wouldn’t have otherwise had.
I can’t stress how important it is to seek a good friend, a pastor, or professional help if the feelings of suicide or depression overtake you.

I attempted suicide several times because I believed I wasn’t worth anything. Death was my only way out.
Thank God for salvation; for forgiveness; for my faith in Him. For making me a vessel unto honour.

I am Worthy.
#Asurvivor
#saynotosuicide.

Adebisi Adetunji –  Broadcast Journalist, Media content provider, Trainer & consultant-@debisibusybeemedia, Behavioral Change Radio Drama, Communication4Development, Social Media Influencer, Controller Programs (FRCN) Founder Beehyve Empowerment and Development Initiative. Catch me on Twitter – @DebisiBusybee, Facebook & email – bisimodupe1975@gmail.c

Seize the Days in Your Week #MondayMotivation

It is a brand new week…Are you feeling fresh and ready to go?! I know for some your body aches probably because your weekend was busy with loads of tasks to finish.

Tips To Run With

  • Take a deep breath.
  • Maintain some minutes of quietness and make a list of things you are grateful for.
  • Pen your to-do list for today; the week…whatever works for you.
  • Take your tasks one at a time.
  • Stop worrying about whether the week will turn out fine. It will as you face each day with optimism and a can-do spirit.
  • Remember to rest in between your tasks. Have moments of me time

So go seize your week and make the best of it.

This post was inspired by the book titled- Seize the Day: Living on Purpose and making every day count written by Joyce Meyer. 

This woman inspires me a great deal. She survived her abusive childhood and through Grace that found her came through the journey of finding healing and hope. Today she is a blessing to many lives, preaching the love of God and has written over 60 books. Now that is living life on purpose! The book “Seize the Day” is loaded, motivating and down to earth; after reading my copy of the book I am more intentional about my daily activities.

Some quotes from the book:

If we are not willing to risk what we have now, we will never find out what we could have

Passion keeps us going even in times when we want to give up.

A positive mind leads to an energetic, enthusiastic life –Joyce Meyer

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Simply Grateful… Look deeply and You’ll Find so Much to BeThankful For

I was deep in thought thinking of all the good things I want to happen for me; where I want to go next…. It all looked like a lot of dreams in my heart. I wondered how it will unfold.

Then I felt a nudge in my heart to take a step back and try to take stock… Out came a list of so much good that has happened in such a short time within the year… I can only be grateful.

While still pondering about all that I was thankful for ; I open my morning devotional to read and draw strength from heaven… There it was again… The topic was “Think Deep & Deep Thanksgiving”. Wow… The Lord sure knows how to align and confirm things he lays in our heart.

So here I am feeling loved by my heavenly Father and mesmerized by all his goodness that I take for granted.

Amongst so many other things I am most grateful for a young man in church who was faced with a life threatening sickness and got healed.

We prayed and just trusted and God showed up for him and his family. I am really encouraged by his testimony.

I am grateful for life
I am grateful for Family and friends
I am grateful for his mercies and loving kindness
I am grateful for gifts and skills that I am endowered with
I am grateful for you my dear friend reading this right now.

Be encouraged things will fall in place.

Have a fabulous day 🌞🌞🙌

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Sunday Inspiration : That time When getting Admitted into School was Difficult for Me – Your Struggles & Pain Will Work out For Good

Just me looking back and grateful
A house my family & I lived in for many years in Kano.

Today when I look back I am amazed at how things turned out for me in terms of getting an education.

By the way I went to a public school and back then you could get quality education unlike nowadays that parents enrolled their children in private schools and pay so much simply because the standard at our public schools have really fallen. Now back to my own story.

In primary five students start to write entrance exams to get into secondary/high school. So by the time you get into your final class you already had a number of schools to choose from judging by the number of admission letters you have in your hand. My parents wanted me to go to a particular popular school for girls in Kano. The girls who attended that school were brilliant and stood out. I wrote the exams and was one of the lucky ones selected. I was excited but alas one day at my head teachers office I found out that my place had been given to another girl. I was terribly disappointed. Since I didn’t write another school’s exam I had to wait a while and struggled to get into another secondary school. I ended up at a school somewhere in Borno state still in the North. I spent only one session in that school as I couldn’t cope with the life there. It was tough and rugged and the school was in the middle of nowhere out of town and in the bush.

Finally I was rescued and taken to Jos, Plateau state and my first school was Naraguta grammar school… Not the standard my dad wanted. I was always coming first and my dad felt there wasn’t enough competition for me😀
But most importantly it was there that I understood what it meant to know God in a personal way. Jesus found me and I came to know him in a very special way. Funny how the Lord leads our path.

After that school I went to Baptist High school in Jos still and it was a marvelous time been taught by teachers like Mr Stone, Miss Gaines- I really still do miss her Bible lessons because it was full of stories, real life issues. Quickly the years went by and I was preparing to get into the university/college. I thought it would be easy but I was in for a bumpy ride and long journey. First I failed my physics and chemistry subjects. You see I was a science student and had the intention of becoming a doctor… Hmmmn the dream of every parent back then as it was a prestigious profession.

I wrote WAEC like four times and all my private lesson teacher’s coaching still didn’t help me to pass my science subjects. I remember going to a center to check my third WAEC result. As I looked through my list and saw that I failed my physics, chemistry and biology again I made up my mind that enough was enough. It was then that I made a u-turn and decided to register for art subjects. This time around I passed them seamlessly. It became clear that I wasn’t cut out for the medical line and I told my dad so.

It is important to study your child’s strength and guide him/her  in the right direction.

Somewhere in between all of these I still enrolled for a pre-degree course at the University of Jos with the intention of doing one of the science courses. You can guess what happened : I failed badly wasting another two years. At last I decided to seek admission to study law at the University of Jos. It was another struggle, they just wouldn’t admit me for so many reasons. All the while I was praying hard that God will show up for me. In fact I wondered why it had to be a struggle to move to each stage of my education.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts neither are my ways your ways.

God had a better plan and through all my delay and struggle He was working things out. His good plans for my life were unfolding. Everything I experienced and everywhere I had been were all part of the plan and necessary to make become the person I am today.

We may not understand why we have to go through things sometimes but God always has a better plan for his children.

Finally without struggle I got an admission into Bayero University Kano and I didn’t even want to go there because that was were I grew up and for other reasons. I got to study the course English and specialized in literature. One of the reasons Iit had to be that school was clear to me years later… It was there I met my husband 😀

Today I have a masters in Social Work and I look back still amazed at how the Lord brought me around in full circle.

You may seem delayed God is working.
Your good and bad experiences will all work out for your good.

We don’t need to understand all the plans but we can trust him and He does really know what he is doing… Beautifying your life.

I don’t know your struggles and I know it can be hard, I am here to say have faith; fear not, it will all work out for your good.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

No Need to Fear… #Sunday Memoir

This is a piece from my Sunday note… I hope it encourages your heart.

Fear not for I am with thee. Isaiah 43 :5.

Whatever happens you will succeed because God wants you to win.

What are you afraid of? Job, future, marriage, retirement, career, children?
Fear not; with you all will be well. All things will work together for your good.
Your tomorrow will be great because God has you in his plans. Before he formed you in your mother’s womb he knew you.
Begin to practice faith. Faith is believing that God will…

I have a God that is all knowing and all powerful! Ephesians 1:22-23. All things are under him. Hebrews 13:5-6
Use God’s Words to tackle every fear in your life. Pastor Godfrey Onoja

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

How Suffering & Pain can become a Springboard for Great things – Corrie Ten Boom

In my tribe (Yoruba) we have a saying, Ibere Ogun la ri, a ki mo ipari e”. Literal translation – We only see the beginning of a war but no one knows how it will end. War brings with it so much misery, horror, pain, sorrow, and suffering. Therefore war is never good news.

This story happened during World War II which took place between 1st September 1939 and 2nd September 1945. It was a terrible long 6years battle that left many casualties of both dead and wounded. Many lost dear family members and loved ones carrying with their memories the horrors of that time. Many books on different accounts of experiences during the war have been written. While in Secondary School I first read one of such books, a biography of Corrie Ten Boom and her family’s horrible experience during World War II.

Her story left an indelible mark in my life and I must say it’s why I want to reach out to others and do some of the things I do now.

Corrie Ten Boom was born into a Dutch family who lived in Holland. The family was in the watch making business and they were Christians. Their happy family life was disrupted by events in the Second World War. It was during this time that the Nazi Holocaust took place. Jews were targeted and selected to be sent to concentration camps and killed at the gas chambers. Corrie’s family helped to hide many Jews in their home in order to protect them from these horrible mass murders.

Unfortunately, Corrie and her family were caught doing this act of kindness. They were arrested and sent to prison. Many of her family members died. Corrie and her older sister Betsie were sent to a political concentration camp. The horror they experienced at the camp was more than anything they ever imagined. But their faith in God kept them going. These women were made to do lots of hard work after which they held secret services using a Bible they had managed to sneak in.

They watched as women, children and men were sent to the gas chambers naked and life was choked out of them. Many were thrashed with whips naked. Later Betsie died leaving only Corrie behind. Before she died she left Corrie with these words, “There is no pit so deep that He (God) is not deeper still”.

I am reminded of the words of a hymn:
In the hollow of his hands
In the Hollow of his hands
I am saved whatever may betide me
In the hollow o his hands

Two weeks later Corrie was released just a few days to when women in her age group were to be sent to the gas chambers. The awesome ways of the Almighty God. Corrie’s story did not end with her past pain of sorrow and suffering instead she carried a new torch of life and hope to light every broken heart in her pathway.

Corrie after the war set up refugee houses in the Netherlands which became a rehabilitation center for concentration camp survivors. It also sheltered other jobless Dutch people. Corrie traveled the world sharing her story and wrote many books bringing the message of hope, over and salvation to many.
Corrie died on her 91st birthday in 1983. She is an example of how much suffering can become a ladder and springboard to doing great things.

God can use our pains and suffering to bring the best things in our lives just like Joseph in the Bible.

Today been Good Friday is known as the Passion of Christ by Christians. It is a time we remember His journey to the Cross, his pain, and deep suffering. We celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ every Easter. It was a difficult journey but it birthed the salvation of mankind from sin. This great sacrifice was done over two thousand years ago but the world continues to benefit from that great sacrifice.

Jesus Christ’s suffering brings healing, hope, and love to everyone who would open the door of his or her heart.

Sometimes we wonder ask ourselves why God allows painful things to happen. The question is this: what part did you and me as human beings play to bring that suffering or pain? A man gets drunk and goes off to kill an innocent victim on the road. We hate and are greedy; we want to control things and others and do not care by what means we get what we want. This hurts a lot of people. Our actions as humans destroy others and beautiful things around us. GOD is in the business of fixing us and situations. He extends his loving hands offering us hope and a better life as we allow him to take charge of things and lead us to the right path.

Do you know how to turn your suffering and pain into great blessings?

It starts with handing it all over to the one who knows your beginning and your end. Hand over the pains and the suffering to Jesus He is a great fixer. He knows how to bring beauty out of your ashes.

Just pray this simple prayer:
Dear Jesus, I come with my pains, suffering, and past hurts. I don’t know how to fix things again but I heard you can. I believe that your suffering on the cross was done to fix me and my situation. Come into my life and take over. In your holy name, I pray.

HAPPY EASTER…If you do need to share and talk to someone please send me a mail – bisimodupe1975@gmail.com

Photo Credits: The Hiding Place, Back Road Planet

Adebisi Adetunji(C)