She Survived Several Attempts of Suicide… You Don’t Have to End It, There is Hope

I just read this post on a whatsapp group I belong to. It is the personal testimony of Njideka Athalia Adrika. I am still speechless and really moved about what she had been through. You need to read her story… Don’t give in to that suicidal thought! I know life can be hard and tough and you have been through a lot. But YOU ARE IMPORTANT & THERE IS HOPE OF A GREATER FUTURE.

Photo credit - cupofjo. com

Njideka’s Story

WORTHY!

I ingested 120 aspirin when I was 14 because I wanted out. I laid in bed that night waiting for death. What I experienced was a floating sensation as if my body was hovering above me. There was a continuous ringing in my ears and ten thousand drummers banging in my head. I was sleeping but wasn’t asleep; slipping in and out of consciousness. I was glad I have finally ended it…

My mother woke me up the next morning to get ready for school, I was heart broken that I was still alive. I couldn’t eat breakfast that morning, my belly felt shallow and empty, but no one asked me why I wasn’t eating.

As I stood at the Assembly ground, a wave of dizziness overcame me, I started throwing up foamy white liquid. The last thing I heard were screams and commotions.

When I finally came to in the hospital, the doctor questioned mother who smirked and said I was a drama queen.

My mother didn’t ask me why I did such a silly thing. She was only mad that I gave people reasons to talk about us.

I did it again at 18. This time I was wiser. I made sure that I had everything properly planned. No need for a note, they already knew why.
I increased the dosage of the aspirin to 300. I dissolved it in a drink and gulped it down. Then, I started throwing up. The maid heard. Screams.
I woke up in the hospital. But I shut my eyes, willing myself to die. The longer they believe I’m still unconscious, the chances the doctor will keep topping the medication to wake me up, then, it will be too much for me system, I will go.

Beep … beep…beep… what is that sound? It is distracting my dying process. I opened my eyes. The doctor asked why I did it? My mother said I was seeking attention.

I was kept overnight for observation. The hospital psychiatrist came to see me. He wanted to know my motive. “Your life is not yours to take” he said. He asked thousand and one questions but I didn’t utter a word. He was booking another appointment to see me when my mother busted into the room and raised hell.

She threatened to sue the hospital, they had no right to traumatize me the more (like she cared), she was so mad that the veins on her forehead and neck was popping out. She wanted to find out everything I had said in her absence. When she was assured, I didn’t utter a word, she took the doctor’s notes and erased our records from that hospital. We never used the same hospital twice for medical ‘emergencies’.

On our way home, my mother shifted all her frustration on me. I was slapped, pushed, shoved and verbally abused. She called me terrible names and reminded me of how my stupid stunts were attracting unnecessary attention to us. Not once did she ask my reasons, my motives, my triggers… She knows.

My mother – Eberechukwu Adirika nee Ofodili had a tough childhood. Her father was a village policeman with no atom of integrity. He was a criminal with uniform. He was a hired hand for whomever needed police protection, the shadier your business the better. He had three wives and thirteen children and never bothered about any of them. My mother was the fifth child of her father and the first of her mother. Her mother made sure she had primary and secondary education. Before, her father could pimp her out to one of his associates, with the help of her mother she ran to Awka and never returned.
When she got to the state capital, she did odd jobs to survive. She won’t tell us what the jobs were, but it was in one of those jobs she met my father – Chris Ozoemena Adrika.
An undergraduate from a wealthy family.

He helped my mother secure an accommodation, started a restaurant for her, and in turn she took care of his ‘supplies’. Though the ‘supplies’ came later when my mother was solely dependent on my father. He had her where he wanted. In other words, she ran from a brute of a father and ended up with worse for a husband.

At 22, I drank 75cl of kerosene, but death eluded me. I did a thorough research. People died through this method. I didn’t. I was once again taken to the hospital. Stomach pumped, doctors wondered why, mother waved them off. The only difference is that this time my father told me that he is the only one that will decide when I die.

I gained admission into a university in the South – South, I was overjoyed. Freedom!
My hopes were dashed. My father got me into a private Uni at Nkpor, a few kilometers from Onitsha and assigned a driver and car to me.
I have never slept outside my father’s house, apart from my nights in hospitals. My life was already drawn and mapped out for me from birth.

My mates envied me. They think I’m a snob. They had no idea. I’m not allowed to make friends so that I won’t mistakenly get emotional and divulge the family secret. My driver is also my parents’ spy. Every movement I made is reported verbatim. I have no life. I am so depressed. My daily thoughts centers around taking my life yet I’m envied by many.

I was never one to have hope or faith. I was never one to think it will get better. I’m never one to think there will be a way out that is not death. I couldn’t attempt again because I was never alone. My parents made sure of that. I was watched 24/7. I had no privacy. But I needed to die.

After 7 years I met him again. The psychiatrist. He remembered me and my mother’s outburst. He was a medical student when we met years ago. He wanted my phone number. I told him I didn’t own a phone. He asked me out on a date I told him I couldn’t. “Why” he asked. “Too complicated “I said. “I want to be your friend, boyfriend, whatever you are comfortable with” he pressed on. He was running a Masters program and started coming into my lecture room, sitting close to me and we would talk about everything except the “reason”.

He invited me to church programs but I turned him down. So, he started giving me books to read, articles and my first Bible. He never pushed me to tell him my story but always ends our meetings with a prayer; “Father Lord we thank you for yet another day. Thank you for your daughter. You have already started a good thing in her life, and we are confident you will bring it to an expected end. In Jesus name we pray, Amen “.

How will I explain my breakthrough. I don’t know the word to use but maybe just maybe Sylvester’s prayer is working (Yes. That’s his name: Doctor Sylvester Ifediba).

I decided to read the Bible and ask God to speak to me through the Bible, since he has refused to take my life. If he wants me to live, he should give me a purpose. Sly said that the answer to all my questions lies in the bible.

I flipped the pages and ended up in first John, chapter four. I was marveled. God loves me even though my life is so messed up!

1 John 4:9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

1 John 4:10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

1 John 4:15 Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God.

I couldn’t believe what I was reading. God loves me. His love is for me. I needed assurance. I needed more explanation. I asked God to show me more:
I turned my bible to Corinthians;

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

2 Corinthians 5:18 And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;

My hand had a mind of its own, I kept opening scriptures and reading: John 3: 3; 16, Romans 3:23, 5:8, 6:23, etc.

I couldn’t sleep that night, I cried, I read, I pleaded to God to renew my life. At a point, I think my parents came into my room, but I didn’t care. I needed what I was reading in the Bible; Peace. I surrendered my life to Christ that night in my room, where so many evil deeds have been committed. I felt a heavy burden lifted off my life. I felt renewed, I had Peace and finally I was free.

I couldn’t wait to talk to Sly. At school the next day, not caring about my parent’s surveillance, I took him to a quiet corner told him of my experience last night, he hugged me and said a thankful prayer to God. Then, I told him my story.

My name is Njideka Athalia Adrika. The last child and only girl of Chief & Mrs. Chris Adrika. I have 4 older brothers who I was never close to. By the time I was old enough to play with them they were already in boarding schools. We never had relationship till date.

Naturally, I was close to my father. When I was around 3 years old, my nanny then asked me a simple question: have anyone being putting their finger in your pee – pee because I always flinch in pain when she is bathing me. I said yes. “Who” she asked. “Daddy” I answered excitedly. She told my mother and she lost her job (or her life, who knows).

My mother sat me down that day and told me that I shouldn’t tell anyone how much my father loves me, that is how father’s show love to their daughters.

I found out years later that the girls in my class didn’t receive such love from their fathers. My father was an animal and my mother aided him to keep her place in the society.

My mother took me to my first and numerous abortions. When I was not ‘available’, my mother ‘supplied’ my father with young girls. I was a sex toy for my father and my mother made sure I was well polished and shiny for his use. I tried taking my life several times because it was not worth living.

By the time I ended my story, Sly was weeping. He followed me home that day and asked my father to release me to him or he’ll expose him. My father of course threatened him with death. Sly said and I quote; “The story is in the pipeline, any day I go missing, it hits social media and all news agencies “.

I think about that sometimes and am thankful and glad I didn’t t die.

I am 58 years old today, a wife, a mother and have had a wonderful life, one I wouldn’t have otherwise had.
I can’t stress how important it is to seek a good friend, a pastor, or professional help if the feelings of suicide or depression overtake you.

I attempted suicide several times because I believed I wasn’t worth anything. Death was my only way out.
Thank God for salvation; for forgiveness; for my faith in Him. For making me a vessel unto honour.

I am Worthy.
#Asurvivor
#saynotosuicide.

Adebisi Adetunji –  Broadcast Journalist, Media content provider, Trainer & consultant-@debisibusybeemedia, Behavioral Change Radio Drama, Communication4Development, Social Media Influencer, Controller Programs (FRCN) Founder Beehyve Empowerment and Development Initiative. Catch me on Twitter – @DebisiBusybee, Facebook & email – bisimodupe1975@gmail.c

Simply Grateful… Look deeply and You’ll Find so Much to BeThankful For

I was deep in thought thinking of all the good things I want to happen for me; where I want to go next…. It all looked like a lot of dreams in my heart. I wondered how it will unfold.

Then I felt a nudge in my heart to take a step back and try to take stock… Out came a list of so much good that has happened in such a short time within the year… I can only be grateful.

While still pondering about all that I was thankful for ; I open my morning devotional to read and draw strength from heaven… There it was again… The topic was “Think Deep & Deep Thanksgiving”. Wow… The Lord sure knows how to align and confirm things he lays in our heart.

So here I am feeling loved by my heavenly Father and mesmerized by all his goodness that I take for granted.

Amongst so many other things I am most grateful for a young man in church who was faced with a life threatening sickness and got healed.

We prayed and just trusted and God showed up for him and his family. I am really encouraged by his testimony.

I am grateful for life
I am grateful for Family and friends
I am grateful for his mercies and loving kindness
I am grateful for gifts and skills that I am endowered with
I am grateful for you my dear friend reading this right now.

Be encouraged things will fall in place.

Have a fabulous day 🌞🌞🙌

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

A Boxing Day Humor & Lesson

Boxing is the day after Christmas when people get to share gifts with their loved ones and friends.

In Nigeria, some of us cook our rice whether fried or Jollof and share with neighbors instead of doing this on Christmas day. The reason been that everyone will be busy attending Christmas service on the 25th of December and probably attending to immediate family.

So here I was delighted to package a gift for a family dear to mine. By the way I won’t share with you what the gift was… 😀😀Hmmm feeling good about sharing love oooo… Only to find out that I had mistakenly packaged a gift meant for someone else and given to another. Now I found myself replacing the gift with a precious gift I had earlier received as my Christmas present and I so cherished it.

Well how did the mix up happen? I guess I wasn’t paying attention. You see we had a family wedding this weekend, two days before Christmas and I had to juggle going to the market and planning for both feeding guests in my house and the reception!! So here I was having to reurn the gift to the original owner only my own precious gift was the replacement 😨.

It wasn’t funny but I learned a few minutes ago that I shouldn’t hold too tightly to anything. God gently nudging my heart and asking if that gift was too precious to give away. I  guess that’s the message of Christmas! After all He (God) gave his only begotten son to the world!

OK… So that’s how my own boxing Day went amidst attending to wedding guests of my brother in-law who were still in my house. Hope you’ve had a fabulous day amidst the fuel scarcity we are experiencing in Nigeria on! 😎

Adebisi Adetunji (C) BusyBee Media for Social Change and development.

Sunday Inspiration : That time When getting Admitted into School was Difficult for Me – Your Struggles & Pain Will Work out For Good

Just me looking back and grateful
A house my family & I lived in for many years in Kano.

Today when I look back I am amazed at how things turned out for me in terms of getting an education.

By the way I went to a public school and back then you could get quality education unlike nowadays that parents enrolled their children in private schools and pay so much simply because the standard at our public schools have really fallen. Now back to my own story.

In primary five students start to write entrance exams to get into secondary/high school. So by the time you get into your final class you already had a number of schools to choose from judging by the number of admission letters you have in your hand. My parents wanted me to go to a particular popular school for girls in Kano. The girls who attended that school were brilliant and stood out. I wrote the exams and was one of the lucky ones selected. I was excited but alas one day at my head teachers office I found out that my place had been given to another girl. I was terribly disappointed. Since I didn’t write another school’s exam I had to wait a while and struggled to get into another secondary school. I ended up at a school somewhere in Borno state still in the North. I spent only one session in that school as I couldn’t cope with the life there. It was tough and rugged and the school was in the middle of nowhere out of town and in the bush.

Finally I was rescued and taken to Jos, Plateau state and my first school was Naraguta grammar school… Not the standard my dad wanted. I was always coming first and my dad felt there wasn’t enough competition for me😀
But most importantly it was there that I understood what it meant to know God in a personal way. Jesus found me and I came to know him in a very special way. Funny how the Lord leads our path.

After that school I went to Baptist High school in Jos still and it was a marvelous time been taught by teachers like Mr Stone, Miss Gaines- I really still do miss her Bible lessons because it was full of stories, real life issues. Quickly the years went by and I was preparing to get into the university/college. I thought it would be easy but I was in for a bumpy ride and long journey. First I failed my physics and chemistry subjects. You see I was a science student and had the intention of becoming a doctor… Hmmmn the dream of every parent back then as it was a prestigious profession.

I wrote WAEC like four times and all my private lesson teacher’s coaching still didn’t help me to pass my science subjects. I remember going to a center to check my third WAEC result. As I looked through my list and saw that I failed my physics, chemistry and biology again I made up my mind that enough was enough. It was then that I made a u-turn and decided to register for art subjects. This time around I passed them seamlessly. It became clear that I wasn’t cut out for the medical line and I told my dad so.

It is important to study your child’s strength and guide him/her  in the right direction.

Somewhere in between all of these I still enrolled for a pre-degree course at the University of Jos with the intention of doing one of the science courses. You can guess what happened : I failed badly wasting another two years. At last I decided to seek admission to study law at the University of Jos. It was another struggle, they just wouldn’t admit me for so many reasons. All the while I was praying hard that God will show up for me. In fact I wondered why it had to be a struggle to move to each stage of my education.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts neither are my ways your ways.

God had a better plan and through all my delay and struggle He was working things out. His good plans for my life were unfolding. Everything I experienced and everywhere I had been were all part of the plan and necessary to make become the person I am today.

We may not understand why we have to go through things sometimes but God always has a better plan for his children.

Finally without struggle I got an admission into Bayero University Kano and I didn’t even want to go there because that was were I grew up and for other reasons. I got to study the course English and specialized in literature. One of the reasons Iit had to be that school was clear to me years later… It was there I met my husband 😀

Today I have a masters in Social Work and I look back still amazed at how the Lord brought me around in full circle.

You may seem delayed God is working.
Your good and bad experiences will all work out for your good.

We don’t need to understand all the plans but we can trust him and He does really know what he is doing… Beautifying your life.

I don’t know your struggles and I know it can be hard, I am here to say have faith; fear not, it will all work out for your good.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

No Need to Fear… #Sunday Memoir

This is a piece from my Sunday note… I hope it encourages your heart.

Fear not for I am with thee. Isaiah 43 :5.

Whatever happens you will succeed because God wants you to win.

What are you afraid of? Job, future, marriage, retirement, career, children?
Fear not; with you all will be well. All things will work together for your good.
Your tomorrow will be great because God has you in his plans. Before he formed you in your mother’s womb he knew you.
Begin to practice faith. Faith is believing that God will…

I have a God that is all knowing and all powerful! Ephesians 1:22-23. All things are under him. Hebrews 13:5-6
Use God’s Words to tackle every fear in your life. Pastor Godfrey Onoja

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Forgetting to be Grateful, Forgetting to be Happy now – How You can be happy with your Life.

Today is Yesterday’s Answered prayer.

Many times we are focused on things we desire to have and haven’t been able to get/acquire.
Many times we focus on our dreams and goals and forget to be happy with the little/big successes we have had.

I find myself complaining about my workplace and desire to have something better. And so instead of being grateful I whine and whine and lose my joy. I forgot that yesterday I prayed to have this job and I got it. Today is yesterday’s answered prayer.

Sometimes we compare ourselves to what others have and forget that some other people wish to have what you have. Be happy with what you have and where you are as you hope and Trust God to give you a better tomorrow.

So you are single and feeling lonely? Worse still all your friends and nieces you took care of while growing up have gotten married. You are even helping to nurse their babies and sometimes tears drop and you wish you had yours; look around you there is so much to your life that you can be grateful for.

Your child is physically challenged and you struggle daily to take care of him/her. You wish yours was a “normal” child who can fend for himself. God knows about your struggles and He has been standing right there helping you by bringing people and resources to help that child. Be grateful, be happy and celebrate what you have for then you will see hope rising. There is always a higher and better purpose.

So your marriage is turbulent and possibly didn’t work out. Painful I know but be grateful; be happy for everything works out for good to them that believe even if it was your fault. Be happy, be grateful for a better tomorrow will happen for you.

How can I say it? I simply am grateful and choose to be joyful and I want you too, reading this to be.

Your happiness is not in getting that new dream job
Your happiness and joy are not in that relationship you so much crave.

Your happiness is not tomorrow
It is today, be Happy now.

Enjoy your everyday life (Joyce Meyer)

If you can’t enjoy your today; you might still not be happy tomorrow when your desires come true. It is about seeing today’s blessings even if they are small. Choose to celebrate today and all your blessings.

Change is coming and there will never be an end to what you want to achieve.

Today is Yesterday’s answered prayer.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)

Tuesday Inspiration – Love, Time and Death (My Short thanksgiving Letter to God)

Lying down or sitting on a couch(really can’t remember which position) in my living room while watching a movie which mirrors three important aspects of life: Love, Time and Death

Every human being has a need for love; we all need time to fulfill our dreams and our time here on earth is short whether we live to a hundred years or more.

I looked back at my life and I saw that there was so much to be grateful for.

My short letter of thanksgiving to God:
I love you Lord
Thank you for creating me
Thank you for giving me life
Thank you for holding my hands through times of pain
Thank you for assuring me in my times of uncertainty
Thank you for taking care of my fears
Thank you for putting laughter on my sister’s lips again (Lost her husband and re-married)

Thank you for all you are doing in my sibling’s lives
Thank you for the gift of love and a home
Thank you for my husband and children
Thank you for all the good people you have surrounded me with
Thank you for clearing my doubts
Thank you for wiping my tears

Thank you for the gift of laughter
Thank you for not giving up on me
Thank you for abundant opportunities to grow
Thank you for making me, me

There is so much more I am grateful for…But I bask in your unexplainable love for me dear God.

Adebisi Adetunji (C)